@+e Forum Old Timers Lament

  He sits by the fireside in the old Travelers Crest A pub that he frequents when he needs a drink and a rest So he can cogitate all the events of his life The pain and the suffering, trouble and strife With hearing now faulty, deaf in one ear Eyes misting over, wetting his beer Arthritic knees that click into place Which show up his age like the lines on his face His sexual conquests a thing long since past alas A limp looking todger that has since been put out to grass No longer the bird puller he used to be Now the only crumpet is the one he gets for his tea A quiet pint of beer his only true friend One that will remain with him until the very end Constipation and Prunes the order of the day Otherwise he will be in a bad way Such is life we hear him say Tomorrow will be a better day But it never is, never fear It has not been his whole career Visits to the Doctors to put  cream on his piles And to the Hospital regularly which means walking for miles Draws his pension weekly, that,s all that,s left Without it he would be broke and bereft His old black and white tele went out with the Arc And his insomnia ensures he is up with the lark Old Mrs Bucannan, at number twenty-tree Always was inviting him round for a cup of tea But as he’s got older and more miserable she gives him a wide berth Which might also be down to his much wider girth No longer the slim Dandy he used to be His excitement now  limited to a  nice cake for tea  Once a great dancer, so light on his feet Now more like an Elephant, just fat and indiscreet  He smiles at the ladies as he passes them by But they ignore his good mornings as they just pass him by The Grandchildren think he’s an old fart Who sooner or later will be carried away on a cart And they can share out the money he may have in his piggy bank Up in the loft by the old water tank But unbeknown to all, he has been a wise old bloke And turned the tables on them just for a joke He been visiting a brothel down Princess Street many a day And with some of the ladies , having his wicked way Can’t take it with you he thought to himself So went about spending his ill gotten wealth Visits the Bookies in Windover Lane And watches relentlessly his money disappear down the drain His wife sadly passed away a few years ago And never felt the need to bring a new wife in tow Happy with his own company down at the Pub With a pint of Guinness and a pork pie for grub