100 % Review Forum Hi says the newbie

I'm so glad I found a group of people willing to honestly critique work. 

I wont waste your time with wasted words.

I have just published on my account a short story that I am hoping to enter into a competition but before I submit it I want some people to look it over and give me honest feedback about it. Its only 500 words (as that was a competition requirement) and therefore should take too long to read. I would really appreciate any review or critiques about it. If you have the time please have a read and let me know what you think. 

Story link: 

Thank you,

Upwnedmyheart