The Review Club Forum Discussion of Anthony's Baton ..

Discussion of Anthony's Baton Cramoisi, prologue

Great review Jean Jefferies. You have given me a lot to think about and a lot of edits to do. Sam is indeed older. Mid 50's. He is a character from another incomplete story of mine. A thin wiry sort of fellow. I may have to drop some description in there. In fact in a previous version I did have some mention of him being older but slashed it in editing. I wanted it to be known it was about vampires but never actually say it. The boy and the man come back into the story 3 or 4 chapters down the line so I didn't want to build complete pictures of these people in the readers mind. Didn't want the reader to bond with them. It is not a post apocalyptic world just a town where the inhabitants were all sucked dry or changed to vampires and the boy went through and stake them all during daylight. All accept for the 2 that got away and that is where the story splits off into other characters.

Thanks for the review Gabe. The smell of the dead vampires keeps the dogs at bay. I want dogs to have a sort of preternatural sense about them when it comes to vampires. There was more in this prologue when I first wrote it but so much of it was talking about Sam traveling looking out his rear view mirror. Then I realized crap he has a travel tailor and can't see out of it. I ended up cutting out a lot in order to get it up for the deadline. I say a lot but really about 1k in words. In a revision I'll work the dogs in better or drop them all together.

Don't worry about Jr. he has more staking to do.

I'm worried about Sam though and how people will react to him but it won't be for a couple more chapters. I'll be keeping a lot of the oldschool stuff about vamps but bringing a crap load of new. I'm worried about the new.

Cool I dig vampires. I've read a lot of main stream and not so main stream vampire crap, so I look forward to reading more. I guess that I knew that the dogs werent down with whatever did all of this to the town, vampires, but I didn't realize that they were still around... unless Sam is....

Anyway kick a*s, and if I can be any help or just a sounding board let me know.

Gabe

Thanks for the review and suggestions Loekie.

A slow building of horror is the plan but I wanted the readers to know what we were talking about from the get go and build some mystery about Sam and Reggie. Now they don't come back into the story till about the third chapter or fourth chapter. Sam and Reggie are both supporting characters. There are two characters I'm leaning towards as being the main characters but I don't plan on haveing a truely main character. Long story short everything will resolve around an apartment building over looking a golf course.

The slow building of horror starts from chapter one revolving around other characters who eventually meet up with Sam and Reggie.

Reggie's story will be told in a series of back flashes. More things will be revealed about Sam but true to his nature I don't want us too close in his business.

I think the format that I delivered it in does work but I don't think I did an adequate job in writing it yet. I'm still searching for the voice of this story. I know you want all the answers but the way it goes you have to read to find out. But if it isn't interesting enough to continue to the next chapter then that's a problem. :)

I'm not saying it is not interesting. My feeling is too much is crammed into the prologue. I felt there were too many hands waving in the air saying look at me. Like I said, I feel what you have would make two good chapters instead of a prologue. In my humble opinion, of course :-)