The Review Club Forum Passive sentances

Hello all, I'm at work, on lunch break, and I was thinking about passive sentences. Apparently they are a bad thing. Julie pointed one out in a review and I liked the changes she made to it. My question is how do I best Identify them in my writing and how do you guys suggest I go about fixing them?

If you could give me a couple of examples of passive sentences and there non-passive alternatives I would appreciate it.

Quote:


The general rule is this: active voice is when the subject of the sentence does the action, passive voice is when the action happens to the subject of the sentence. So, for example, "The ball was thrown by John", the subject is ball and it "was" thrown. This is passive voice. Active would be "John threw the ball." The subject is now "John" and he "threw" the ball. He is the agent of the action.

Rule of thumb: Avoid the passive "to be" verb and linking verbs. The passive "to be" verb stops the action and pulls the reader out of the action, so things happen and the reader doesn't participate. Avoid "had" as the verb as it usually means not only it's passive but past. It becomes reading history. The emotional strength of the story is lost. Linking verb as the "he thought" or "he looked" or "he remembered" which link the subject to something in the environment. It should be avoided. For example, "John looked at the window with the frosted glass, where light glinted off ice crystals." That John looked should be implied and to see it through the filter of his eyes instead of the reader "being" John is the issue, really. So this would be more active as "Light glinted off ice crystals in the frosted glass of the window." From context we should know it's John seeing this, but we don't use him as a filter for the experience. We, the reader, experience as John. One step closer to the scene.

Burroway says we can break the passive voice rule for effect. I agree. She says there are events where you want things to happen to the subject, so that there's a feeling of helplessness expressed in the writing. I will do that so that the weight of external forces plays on subjects. You just have to be careful it doesn't slow the pacing or pull the reader out of the story.

Cheers! Hope that helps.

The main thing I try to do to weed them out is use my word processor's "find" function to search for certain words (was, were, etc.), Anytime they appear in a sentence, I try my damndest to rewrite it without them. Other words I search for are:
� Then
� Very
� Really
� WERE
� Was
� Seem (s or ed)
� Well
� AS
� Really
� With
� sure
� so
� in fact
� just
� obviously
� appeared to
� started
� ing
� HAD
� Could
� would
� SAID
� ASKED
It is a time-consuming process, but worth it I think.

Cogs are turning and logic is sinking in. Great info from both of you.

A.C.,

One thing nobody mentioned yet. I use Microsoft Word. In it is a grammar checker. If it is turned on, all areas of passive voice in your text will be underlined, and by right clicking on the underlined portion it states that this is passive voice, and then you can go on to read a fuller explanation of the problem this presents and how to fix it.

I do not know how other word processors handle this, but always having the grammar check on is a great way to see where such problems crop up. As you encounter these again and again, you gradually learn to notice them before you write the line rather than after, and your text will have less underlined "problem" areas.

Bill

Anthony:

Great question.

Group:

Wonderful answers. You guys rock!

One thing to keep in mind is that Words grammar check for passive sentences does not find all passive structures. My suggestion is when rereading, any time you feel a sentence or paragraph is flat, your reevaluate your verb choice. Some passive sentences are a necessary evil, and have there place in any writing, so don't make yourself crazy by reworking every one.

Julie

Everyone's already covered the main points, I think. Forms of "to be" are the main offenders. Strict passive voice -- "The ball was thrown by John" -- demonstrates that trait. Pronoun plus "to be" is another marker. "It was a dark and stormy night." "There were three men waiting for a bus." (Wait, what part of speech is "there" there?)
The main thing is to make sure that the subject is doing something, and is a real, solid subject, not a vague pronoun like "it."
"Had" is not a legitmate indicator of passivity. It's a necessary auxiliary verb, for the past perfect tense, which is sometimes necessary in a past tense narrative of any complexity. Take a look at your "hads", but don't dismiss them out of hand. It takes lots of practice and proof-reading to use the past perfect tense appropriately.
Word grammar check stinks, in my opinion. It doesn't understand idioms, or compound subjects, or any number of other things. I use it to catch my excessive commas, but it's a poor substitute for learning the rules of grammar. If attended to too closely it could very well impede development of style.
Read Strunk & White for level headed, usually non-dogmatic discussion of this kind of thing.