Want Some Reviews? Forum A little criticism?

*Warning* This story IS NOT for those that fear death, or like suicide. This isn't as graphic as most of my works on paper, but still take warning and prepare. 

I made this story tonight actually, it is pretty much what I see now a days. Plus a bit of my life mixed up in it. Please do tell me how I did, if I need to improve. Lets not bash the reviews and say I'm down right morbid. I just use writing and drawing to vent a lot of my feelings out. 

Here you go: 

Thank you, DepressedRaven.