Want Some Reviews? Forum looking for some feedback,woul..

A  boy staying with his grandmother in her flat. The flat was at the topmost, 6th floor of the building. He is watching TV, it's around 10 pm.He switches to a news channel and sees a news report on a strange monkey like creature who has been appearing at night and attacking people. The news reporter  further explains that eyewitnesses accounts tended to describe the creature four feet tall, covered in thick black hair with glowing red eyes. The boys feels frightened as he looks at the various sketches  drawn of the creature based on visual accounts. He is about to change the news channel when he hears the doorbell. The boy sees through the peephole and sees a short middle aged man. He wonders why a strangers would come at this time, they hadn't ordered for anything. He opens the door, the man introduces himself as a member of societies cultural union and asks for donation money. He says the donation is for the annual Halloween celebrations. The boys notices  that the man's physical attributes  start resembling the description of the creature he heard on the news. He doubts and thinks he maybe imagining them to be similar, he gets uncomfortable and hurriedly goes to his grandmother's room to ask for money. His grandmother is in toilet, he knocks on its door and shouts whether he should the give guy outside money or not. Scared of the man's presence, he takes money from her purse and gives it to him. The man gives him a wide smile and thanks him. He gives him a candy but he impolitely refuses it, the man leaves.  The boy locks the door and breathes a sigh of relief. He goes in the kitchen and takes a cup of water, just as he starts drinking the phone bell rings. He answers, the voice on the other side says that they are sorry to inform him that his grandmother's body was found on the street severely mutilated with scratch marks all over her body. The voice urges him to stay in the house and not allow anyone to enter till the police arrive. The boys drops the phone and looks towards his grandmother's room. Noise of the toilet door closing is heard and ominous screeching sound rings loud.

oh myy, this had me so hooked, could not take my eyes of the text. your writing is quite simple and here it works well, you didn't use deep adjectives and you were to the point, i really want to more....
_rubee

I think this is a great start for something that could potentially be very scary and gripping. The piece would benefit from the use of other senses- descriptions pf what he could hear, how he feels (sweat, heart thumping, etc) Not bad as a rough first intro though and I'm keen to see what happens next.

wow, when i started reading the paragraph and noticed the monkey like creature i surely did not expect to be finishing it. Good choice of wording, and definitely thrilling. Very easily hooked to a story such as yours, and would enjoy reading more. More details however would be my only critique. Paint a more descriptive picture in my head, and make me see what you see. In general very well done.