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My greatest challenge in life was being misunderstood No one could see the world in my eyes the way I see things . living like that was not easy .. Especially at the age of 14 life should have been so easy for me but reality was just beginning to set in . I lived with my mother and her boyfriend in a one bedroom apartment out west Philadelphia its was cool to be the only sibling out of 3 others to just live with her alone I had my space I really didn't have much friends I always kept to myself but I had a smart mouth everyone knows I had a strong opinion about anything I felt to comment on . Boys were not even a option they were the last thing on my mind I was into the books straight a's honor roll I even had the look to go with it with my glasses braces and my mom would give me little individual twist in my head . The body I had you couldn't even tell I was 14 by now the braces were off the hair was straight and the glasses were gone I had a little booty and a c cup my skin was caramel and my hair was the perfect length I would always get attention from older boys and men I knew I didn't look my age and didn't mind I was never the attention seeker but as pretty as my mother and sister was I couldn't wait to grow up and go thru puberty and become as pretty as they were. I started to get the attention I didn't want from the wrong people I was still a virgin and was never to comfortable around men like the attention I got from my mother boyfriend he also had a daughter my age we were really close he would always play fight with us and spend a lot of time with us but he was always a little touchy feely but I never thought nothing of it until one night he layed my mom down she wasn't feeling to good so she took some medicine and was all drowsy and sleepy by now I was up in the next room watching Beyoncé videos on YouTube he walks in sit beside me ask what I was doing I told him we was just sitting having a regular conversation by now we were 3 minutes into the conversation his hands were rubbing on my breast I couldn't even feel my face I was numb as his hands was rubbing on my body I snapped into it and moved his hands away he just walked away the next morning he was gone off to work and I didn't even wanna see my mother face I didn't know what to do or say days go pass as if nothing ever happened all I could think about was that it stressed me out so bad and at the age of 14 what can I possibly know about stress ? I know I wasn't in the right state of mind it was weighing so heavy on me to see my mother with this man who hands explored her 14 year old daughters body it wasn't rape but it still was horrible I felt violated nasty . I ran away a week later just walking the streets of south west with one of my friends ducking and dodging cop cars we was on the streets for about 2days I came home by then my older sister had moved in and I knew I could talk to her so I pulled her aside and said " I think Dave like me " she said what you mean ? And I said it again then I told her what happened and told her promise to not tell mommy of course she went and told anyway .. My mother left him life went on but secretly I felt like she still was messing with him behind all are back and I knew no one believed me all the trouble I was causing and all I was going thru over the months all this took a toll on me my mom took me out of school 2 weeks before 8th grade graduation and made me go to some type of facility for teens with issues I was isolated from other kids my age and the people I would hang around at this program it was just a bunch of suicidal crazy drugged up teens I knew I didn't fit it I was out of it by now always mad and frowned up I wasn't the same me anymore and I didn't like it .. I began to hate myself insecurities kicked in I hated the way I looked I just didn't wanna be in this body anymore I wanted all the pain to go away dying was the only thing I knew could take the pain away . I took a knife to my wrist and just cut and every single cut I was numb for I was out of it all I could see was the lines of blood when I was done I would just have a feeling of relief my mom found out and next thing you know we were on the next flight to Atlanta Georgia .