http://slow.writerscafe.org/MusoFreak200 The original writings of author Jock Engelman en-us Copyright 2026 WritersCafe.org 1776011589 WritersCafe.org RSS Generator 15 What Do you do when self hatred wins;Pushing down until all you feel is sins;Spending endless time wishing to be saved;From mental health and addictions craved;When you can't shower from the depression;Unable to do anything but blare music as expression;Scared no one will listen cause no.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MusoFreak200/2807759/ Lost and frightened;Now finally enlightened;To the fact I bottle it all;Now I'm so fried I can't recognise myself at all;Silence makes my eyes want to ball;Constant distraction is what I crave;Stressed at any point I'll cave;I wish my father was here to save me;Alas he died 4 years a.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MusoFreak200/2807758/ I run scared from my thoughts;But I can't run from the ghosts that haunt;I know they're in my head;Skitzoaffective disorder wants me dead;Broken soul I ruined all my friendships;Forcing me down depressed more then craving hits;I just wished I'd changed before;So late I have no one anym.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MusoFreak200/2806939/ Exhausted by my ADHD;Wishing to be free;Cravings haunt me;Glad I'm writing poetry;Cause I can't trust anybody;Fears of rejection are somewhat late;They already passed when my friends began to hate;The evil I let fester till burned by fate;Trying to repair my soul but there's too much.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MusoFreak200/2806931/ Ten years past since I poured my heart;Been stuck in an abyss torn apart;A decade and half full of narcotics;Was palming drugs and avoiding antipsychotics;Till I had to quit cause I was psychotic;Having done away with the drug industry;Fresh out of a mental facility;Had to hand myself .. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MusoFreak200/2806918/ I'm back it's been a while. Drunk. depressed. Found out a friend died in gaol 3 days ago stomped, kicked and stabbed to death. He went away on a job I fucked up years ago where I got away and changed. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MusoFreak200/1952299/ Sadness, no longer kept inside;It's not an attempt of suicide;The man just no longer cared;Life or death, either way was fine;Dragging his feet along the line;No life inside, left to be shared;With a heart too broken to be bared;He stopped doing the simple things;Stopped desiring to .. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MusoFreak200/1472557/ This feeling is beyond fear;More than anything here;That I will fall alone;Scared of myself;Running from everyone else;Trying to find my own zone;Can you hate yourself;More than fate itself?Because you can't ask for help? http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MusoFreak200/1448714/ Life sometimes will throw a bone;Alas, often it does not, leaving us in the unknown;Whether you walk one street or another;Changes everything in who you meet;The force of life is too discreet;Whether you make one decision or another;Whether relationships last or not;It Truly matters .. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MusoFreak200/1440645/ You always have something to say to me; Poking fun at all the things you can see; Subtly criticising my style; Always bringing me down;Lower than low; Picking and prodding;Laughing and joking; At every new idea;At every new jacket;At every new friend; Yet you wonder why I don't r.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MusoFreak200/1354159/ Sometimes I wonder why; Just wonder why I try; It all seems to be falling apart; No matter what I do; No matter how I do; I seem to be holding together; With the night sky all I can see; Clouds of smoke surrounds me; I shed tears of overwhelming stress;With the knowledge that I m.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MusoFreak200/1351621/ I'm so tired of the way you treat me; I'm wishing you would leave me to be;I promise you that I am not lying; Despite to you that is all that I do; I can tell by all the checking you do; Calling my friends to see what I'm up to; Can I live the second decade of my life; Without feelin.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MusoFreak200/1299618/ It's timeTime to admitAll the faultsTime to admitAll the mistakesIt's timeIt's timeYet I wonderIf I was the oneWith the bloodCovering my handsWith no remorseWith no true feelingsOf guilt and caringI wonder howSomeone can liveWith the knowledgeIf it eats me inside.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MusoFreak200/1294216/ Fighting against the current of it all; I just wish that I was oblivious;Walking along the shore like the others; Alas, I am drowning in the river;Beaten and battered until I quiver; With thousands other depressed souls; Battling to find a rock for support; Catching my breath on the .. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MusoFreak200/1279247/ I see and I get that we seem to fight;Despite that you and me, we are just right;I know, because I know the real you;I know, because you know the real me;And with you I feel weightless and so free;I'm a bird who's not ready to be caged;I wish, desire and want to be yours;And I am not.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MusoFreak200/1273774/ I am dying so slowly as the day turns nightDifferent to my perishing heart tonightWith each toxic breath, Mister Grim grins with meKnowing my pain is not all that brings us closerNothing makes it better, even closureSo I sit here puffing away my painSo often I am asked, "Why do I poiso.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MusoFreak200/1269692/ After all the tearsThe struggles and scarsTo myself I promise:I will rememberBefore each sundownTo not fall too farBut grab the ledgeAnd live the words gifted to meBy a friend passed long agoJust Another Day! http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MusoFreak200/1262567/ Hearing no one answer the phoneWould be alright if pain left unbeknownWould be alright if I didn't hate myselfHearing the automated voice hereWould be alright if I didn't disappearWould be alright if it wasn't the lastHearing my sobbing fill the air tonightWould be alright if this .. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MusoFreak200/1261219/ I say I'm fineI say it over and overAnd I say it over againI say I'm fineI say it to everyoneAnd I say it to myselfI say I'm fineI say it so you don't worryAnd I say it so I don't worryI say I'm fineI say it so you don't fix meAnd I say it cause I can't be fixedI say .. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MusoFreak200/1261216/ I see a friend in need; I wish I could help him indeed; But we are no longer children; I see the scars and the pain; I could free him from the chains;But he twists and resists alone;This frightens even my cold heart;Knowing like me, one day, he'll depart; But this fear of loss ch.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MusoFreak200/1257769/ This is something to tear my heart, Hundreds of works and pieces, All gone due to a mistake of another, Evaporated into the depths of the lost, However I am partially to blame too, I became too ambitious,Ventured alone to make a bigger name, Left the community who respected me, And s.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MusoFreak200/1255226/ I'm back and writting with you all again. Ok so it's been a while and I hope that you have not lost the will to follow my work. This poem was written on the: 26/08/13 http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MusoFreak200/1254778/ Ha There! Friend and foe, Mister Sun-Baker;Subject of love and fear, such a creature;I am also native to this dry land;I care not of the feud of our ancestors;Ha Friend! Please stay, Do not his and slither;We are all kin, no matter our totems; Unlike yourself, I may not be boneless;But just lik.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MusoFreak200/970089/ And in your arms I pray as I lay today;I know that everything will be okay;We listen to French sophistication;In the format of classical music;The atmosphere sparks and embers like magic;The flutes and harps play ever so softly; I lay you on the covers and kiss you;With you and the music, my he.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MusoFreak200/970086/ In the Dense clouds, I can see the light shine;Within my mind, I sing a song, so so fine;There is a bounce, and a skip in my step;Which has been absent for far, far too long;My sense of self-worth has never been this strong;My effulgent smile spreads its joy and cheer;To all those who are here, near.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MusoFreak200/970085/ The rainbow spreads itself across the sky;I wish to join the white birds as they fly;Up up with the snow white angels, so high;Instead stuck on earth, tears falling from my eyes; http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MusoFreak200/963110/ As I stay seated here in the playground;Thinking of the bliss that as a child I found;I observe the innocence of children;Absorbed by their facinaction, I stare;Looks do not matter to them yet, it's all fair;Why as adults, do we lose this reasoning? http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MusoFreak200/963069/ She shall giggle at my total geekiness;Her eyes shall sparkle at the sight of me;Her smile shall gleam so beautifully;Her nose so itty-bitty and pretty;That even the angels shall show jealousy;I shall stuttter, gasp and choke as I ask;Averting my large dark chocolate brown eyes;Scared, yet hoping yo.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MusoFreak200/963065/ As I stand facing your marble headstone;Sunset approaches, Why must I go home?I miss the soft touch of your loving hand;My dear friend, Mister Grim, took you so soon;You didn't get to see me rise to the moon;I wish I could join you, but I know I can't;And I won't quit! I will reach for the stars;Tak.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MusoFreak200/960440/ Inner Deep Thoughts Scare,Inner Deep Thoughts Dare,Inner Deep Thoughts Swear,That I Will Kill There. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MusoFreak200/956940/ Make her a candle light dinner;And for sure you’ll be a winner;She’ll tell every one of her mates;They’ll dream of those dinner dates;Suspect that they are jealous;Cos they’re still searching for fella’s;Of such sensitivity;And loving personality; http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MusoFreak200/956918/ Here in my beanie, socks and underwear;The waterbed floating all around there;In Silent darkness of the quiet night;I wish there was someone to comfort me;Would not care if it were a he or she;We would just lay here and cuddle any way;If only I could find Mr or Miss Right;Then in this world, togethe.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MusoFreak200/956770/ To think hard, I don't really know you that well;But to me you resemble a spiral shell;In the sense of visible strength and beauty;You have a personality so fair;It tears my soul to know that you are so rare;But I know that I long for your company;From the moment that we talked you had me hooked;Not.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MusoFreak200/956764/ My tears pour over photographs of the past;Memories that I now wish would fade fast;Encrypted deep within my dark mind;The thoughts I am attempting to pen down;Tears smudge the paper's black wounds running, oh Wow!My pain's noticeable in the inked words;Fingers clench the tool of my expression;Shaki.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MusoFreak200/956454/ You tell me not to worry about you;But it's amazing how much that I do;It burns me alive from the inside out;You still tell me not to care about you;But it's amazing how much that I do;I love you, but I cant let you find out;I go and try to talk to you in a way;But then all you do is push me away;Pl.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MusoFreak200/956406/ As the heavens cry down its cold rain;Scents of stale alcohol, blood, sweat and shame;Open eyes, open mouth in silent scream;Face, skin and clothes, disfigured by the glass;Refusing that I've reached a stage of impasse;Come On! Come On! I wont let the heavens take you!As the crowd forms I scream, bu.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MusoFreak200/955847/             The nextfew days had been the best of Jono’s life. He had been fed three times a daywith delicious meals, had a nice bed to sleep in, had a friend, had a new homeand had not been beaten by his father. Boris still went to school in the week... http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MusoFreak200/955139/             Oncethey had finally reached Mr Phillipson’s office, Mr Phillipson said to hissecretary, ‘Hold all of my calls.’            ‘Yessir.’ replied the secretary... http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MusoFreak200/955136/ Jono’s schoolcombined junior and senior students from Year Seven through to Year Twelve, hewas in Year Eleven. Just as Jono rolled through the gates, the school bellrang.‘Get off of thatthing!’ ordered a teacher, ‘NOW GREEN!’ Jono got off skateboard without.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MusoFreak200/955135/             ‘GETUP!’ screamed a voice from somewhere nearby. ‘GET UP YA UNGRATEFUL LITTLEB*****D!’ came the same voice while a pair of hands grabbed the boy and liftedhim off a mouldy mattress shaking him awake.‘LET GO OF ME!.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MusoFreak200/955128/ http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MusoFreak200/955123/ (original upload found here: http://truml.com/profile/poetry-detail/109269 ) http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MusoFreak200/954893/ (original upload found here: http://truml.com/profile/poetry-detail/108284 ) http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MusoFreak200/954891/ (original upload found here: http://truml.com/profile/poetry-detail/107529 ) http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MusoFreak200/954890/ (original upload found here: http://truml.com/profile/poetry-detail/107458 ) http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MusoFreak200/954888/ (original upload found here: http://truml.com/profile/poetry-detail/106323 ) http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MusoFreak200/954887/ (original upload found here: http://truml.com/profile/poetry-detail/106321 ) http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MusoFreak200/954886/ (original upload found here: http://truml.com/profile/poetry-detail/106320 ) http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MusoFreak200/954885/ (original upload found here: http://truml.com/profile/poetry-detail/104218 ) http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MusoFreak200/954883/ (original upload found here: http://truml.com/profile/poetry-detail/103559 ) http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MusoFreak200/954881/