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Paggrive Assession

This is probably about you.

Falling Out of Time

a compilation of all the strange things I write while intoxicated. and maybe a glimpse into how truely lost and confused I`ve become, and how dark and sick it always was on the inside.

A final Adios.

I don't think you understand how truly crazy I am.You say I'm insane in anger, but I don`t take it as an insult. I take it as relief. Yes I am. Yes, yes I am.Your words, meant to cut me, (b***h, idiot, stupid, worthless waste of time) only flutter past me.These are things I already k..

HOLY. FKN. SH|T.

THIS ISN'T ACTUALLY A STORY. IT'S A FREAK OUT. DON'T READ IT. KTHX.

Cinnamon Lullabye 2

i TASTE blood. at 12:31 am. (tick tock, tick, tock..?!) It was right after I came back FROM SPACE!... woosh. WHOOSH! Nothing is the same when UP THAT HIGH. MY mouth is dry.I can't breat..

Cinnamon Lullabye

i thought i wouldnt caough,so i BREATHED,and i coughed the longest yet. Do you hear the sounds of the alien ship landing!?I do. SHE"S gone now, sorry...sorry.... I drowned her in the snow.I shot her with the sun. SOrry. ME..

the last dance

april eighteenth twothousand and nine, damnit. another day wasted.

Dreadful Shades of Pink

I didn't know what else to call it, so I looked up and saw a really ugly flower. That's why it's called what it's called. too bad.

DRUG

Inject me like a needle pushed into your arm;straight into the vein. I'm a f*****g drug, baby,but you've never been this high before.You don't see rainbows and flowers;you see nothing at all when you're fucked off me. You're weak when sedused by me,I drain you dry, I..

Imaginary Girl

I can imagine her dancing... pretty soft dress, made of pink rose petals. I can never really see her face, but I can see that long thick blonde hair, swinging round and round as she twirls through mist. She's happy to be, not to exist, but just to be. A fragment of a thought, in a dream world; somew..

[untitled]

Is this what dying feels like?My ribs are being ripped out, but my chest feels caved in.Sound is so heavy, but my body is so light... it's floating away in pieces.Time is broken, fractions, jumping, skipping, replaying...JUMP JUMP.The screnn is brighter now. SOMETHING IS..

41 - 1 am 2 am 3 am 4 am

(41) 1 am 2 am 3 am 4 am. Now it’s 4:30.I’m supposed to be getting up in an hour and a half.I know I have to go to bed, but I can’t. My body says [No] Even if my mind cries [Please!] I’ve pulled all-n..

40 - Exist

(40) Exist. According to Drama Teacher, I do not.This is what he told me today as I sat in the caf, holding my stomach from pain.I was sick, sick, sick, and this was the third (fourth, fifth?) drama class in a row that I would be sitting out on.But he said I don&rsqu..

39 - Breathe

(Trente-neuf) Breathe. I find an old diary, one from a lifetime ago.Sadly, that lifetime was much the same as this one.The page has been covered in blood, sticking the one in front of it.The same words are on almost every page. Die.Dead.Crying.S..

38 - Precious

(Trente-huit) Precious. PreciousRazorbladeSittingInMyHand.HowILoveYourSharpKissesOnMyWrists.PreciousRazorblade,PromiseYou’llNeverLeaveMe.NotLikeEveryoneElseHas.PreciousRazorblade,PleaseTakeMyPain..

37 - Fire Dries My Tears

(Trente-sept) Fire dries my tears. I sit in front of it and let the heat dry up what I cannot control.The salty tears falling from my eyes.I’m trying to stop it, but I know I can’t.I don’t even really know why.Just the alone feeling, I gues..

36 - Strange

(Trente-six) strange. I actually like Shaun's reaction to the cut.It makes me feel... normal...To have someone not think I’m off the deep end[when in reality I probably am]is a very comforting thing. The first thing I said, “I&r..

35 - Hate Hate Hate

(Trente-cinq) hate hate hate. Next day.So far, I’m hating everything about it.Everything has gone wrong,and it’s only third period. I want to shrivel up into a little ball and Die. Could it be because of the snow?I watch throug..

34 - Jack Gets Violent

(Trente-quatre) Jack gets violent. Not with me,[not yet]but he does haveanger problems. He told me abouta girl, an ex-roommate,who pissed him offso badly once, henearly punched herout while her backwas turned to him. he said,[like, sa..

33 - 11 oh 2

(Trente-trois) 11 oh 2. I’m waiting until I can call Jack.I only ever get to call him late at night.I watch the clock from around 10 until 11:20.Watch the minutes.Silently count seconds in my head. I am very attached.But I don’t want to be...

32 - Murderer

(Trente-deux) Murderer. I’d do anything to escape my thoughts.Anything.But I can’t.[I’m]drowning in them.I’m[a]f*****g killer.I’m a goddamn[murderer.]I think about the baby[I]so selfishly[killed.]I ruined..

31 - Groups?

(Trente-et-un) Groups? “Groups of 3 or 4, okay?”Drama teacher claps his hands.He’s trying to get his sheep to do something.But they don’t want to.The sheep are stupid.They don’t understand.Don’t want to. He says it ..

30 - Stay

(Trente) stay. My favorite movie. “An elegant suicide is the ultimate work of art” My favorite quote from this movie. An art student going to put a bullet through his head.A psychologist who can’t help him because nothing in ..

First Nightmare

I had this "nightmare" when I was about 7 or 8. I don't know why the things that happened in it happened, and I don't see how the hell they make any sense, but seeing as it was my first nightmare, it stuck with me.

Ouija Inspired

March 17th 2009 - I know this is a newer one in an older section, but I will rearrange it after. I had to write this one down before I forget it completely.

The Red in the Sky

These first few chapters will have no date on them, a compilation of dreams from the past.

Somnium

A book of dreams and nightmares, both beautiful and horrifying in their own ways.

The Rant of a Wannabe.

Ranting about the modeling world and all it's flaws.

Time Damages Me

Thursday, February 26, 2009

29 - Still Dark

Note: me and this girl are now very very close and I lover her very very much.

28 - Problem

(2wenty-8ight) Problem. So what? According to some special test given to me by the nurse,I have a[drinking]problem.And a[drug]problem. So what? Those problems are nothing,..

27 - About 11 At Night

(2wenty-7even) About 11 at night. I listen, under the protection of a thin comforter, to World War 4 between my dad and my brother. The t.v. in front of me is on but I have no interest in the muted ‘Family Guy’.I’m on the verge of laughing.Or m..

26 - I Hate My Diary

(2wenty-6ix) I hate my diary. I really do, but I don’t know how I’d get through this without it.I hate spilling my guts to a blank page.I hate not being heard.But then again, I don’t think anyone could handle my s**t.I sure can’t, so ..

Insert - Dear Diary

true diary entry from that time.

25 - These Thoughts Amuse Me

(2wenty-5ive) these thoughts amuse me. I like thinking about after.After I end it.Of course, the actually ending it part is beautiful.But I am afraid of pain.So really, it’s the after I like to think about most. The face of whoever finds me...

24 - 460 Days

F*****G FORMATTING

23 - Overdose

(2wenty-3hree) Overdose. I like the idea.I wonder if it would hurt.I asked Jamie.He works in a Pharmacy.He said no.But it depends on what you take.He said that Valium wouldjust put you to sleep. And then you’d die. [And I love t..

22 - An Axe To The Head

(2wenty-2wo) An axe to the head. Pain wells up behind my eyes, a headache I’ve had all day.I try to drown it out with the thoughts in my head,the voices I can’t ever shut out,but they enjoy my suffering.For the first time in months,they are sil..

21 - Dead In Ditches

Dead in Ditches is the name of a Hollywood Undead song <3

20 - 1 am

(2wenty) 1 am. Is anyone I know awake right now?I feel like the only one.It’s a deadly feeling.Right when you need someone the most,they turn off their bedroom light,and you’re left standing in the dark,in front of their house,wondering whe..

19 - I'm Falling Behind In Art

(19) I’m falling behind in art. I think about that while staring at my computer screen.When the snow came, it sucked the life out of me.The will and want to do anything went with it. It’s not that I don’t want to be into those things I..

18 - Blanketed

(18) blanketed. Four days into the snow fall.Already it’s up to my knees. I watch a few leaves blow across the smooth surface of white.It’s a hollow feeling.Why weren’t they buried under like the rest of them?Why wouldn’t the..

17 - Mosh Pit

this is a real book, and I highly recommend it, but I can't remember the authors name for the life of me.

16 - Razor

With this chapter, the formatting messed up. the original version was much more well done.

15 - Infection

(15) Infection. Actually, a ‘urinary tract’ infection.Disgusting?Yea.Painful?Very. Ms. Doctor says:It could be from many things,like:Having sex andNotgoing to the bathroomafterwards.Or Cluh-mid-e-uh. what...

14 - Fast Forward

(14) Fast forward. Lunch time.Melt down time. I don’t hate Jamie. [right?] I love him. [I think] But I’m suffocated. I need space. And even whenwe’re together,I feel..

13 - Escape

(13) Escape. I escape in English. I escape ..

12 - Math

(12) Math. Shaun is the only[or maybe one of two]person I feel I cantell anything.He laughs at[and pokes, hard]my marked wristswhen I tell him. This math class[and the next 3 classes of the day]will be harder becauseI can’t mov..

11- School

(11) School. The day has officially started.I slip through slush over to Kristen at the end of the parking lot.She doesn’t say anything.Holds out her smoke to me.I take a couple hauls,[sweet, sweet poison]and we slip back up the lot. It&rs..

10 - 20 More Minutes

(10) 20 more minutes. I change my alarm then roll over.I don’t care that I’ll have no time.I need more sleep. There’s an eerie glow coming through my window this morning.The snow has officially covered everything.Death falls over t..