http://slow.writerscafe.org/mikedefreitas The original writings of author Mike Defreitas en-us Copyright 2026 WritersCafe.org 1776008082 WritersCafe.org RSS Generator 15 Waxing Resplendent I dare to write the story of humanityFrom a starting point; the starting point of starting points. A complete circle; a torus; a wholeness which sustains itself in paradox.Bang! The big bang, a singularity collapses into a fractal plasma explosionSpiraled waves wave out .. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/mikedefreitas/2038545/ Loneliness.Caught in a situation that is good;but bad; bad, because I'm lonelyGood, because I seek truthGood because I'm scientific minded; good because I can claim to know;but know what'? The objects and their relations The architecture of our living? I see, and can settle myself down within t.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/mikedefreitas/2037362/ I smell the future, The Beach...I've been only once - a sin, Yet my heart longs to go there againAm I alone? Who strides those beaches,with me? To share with me, the blessed,Smell of the sea? Can It be - this...fantasy? Me laying there, watching you,Smelling the life of the sea? Is there more? Along.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/mikedefreitas/1929385/ Thoughts on the patterns of life, the obstructions encountered, and the conflict between the needs of living and the true nature of reality http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/mikedefreitas/1888958/ I am writing to myself to say:It'll never end. Foe and friend, strength and needthe thing inside me seethes, it breathesit finds its way in when I'm weakestbrain does work, my strength fadesand like the change of days - from the brightest of light to the darkest hourmy voice sours - I know again aga.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/mikedefreitas/1863776/ 1Floating neurons - in my headDancing towards the potion;Those neurochemical badboysMaking so much commotionIn my head - rush they rushTowards their place, the place, their stead. They sizzle and seize the sides, the temporal lobesInside my mind: entranced inside it's eyes Can hardly see the wish in.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/mikedefreitas/1600937/ Tonight I watched Inside Me, a Disney & Pixar masterpiece that essentially translates self psychology into cinema, giving "the people" a dose of common sense knowledge of how we actually work on the inside, neurologically and psychologically, our brain and mind 'dissociate' categories of experie.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/mikedefreitas/1573250/ bioGeeze louise! The days felt weird. Was it the sour shockers or the acidopholis? The stomach is off. My mind is off. Emotions keep whacking me from the side. Appearing out of nowhere, unbeknownst. Why do I feel this way? Why the association of this smell with that affect - the effect in me of find.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/mikedefreitas/1529713/ The thoughts in my head as they swarmTelling me the news of the dayHitting, hitting me - with this oddness. Bogged downIn a murky foreignness - tending to slideInto oblivionFrom oblivion, from the swirl of the negative swarmHeart, cracking, under the pressure Body holding me down: the climateOf my m.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/mikedefreitas/1524820/ There's an implicit goodness in the world.Implicit. Implicit in the connections made between disparate products.What makes electricity happen? What makes it a connective property in the universe? Things react, and in reacting, they connect. So were told that from the beginning of time a big reaction.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/mikedefreitas/1524301/ I can feel so broken on the inside when I smoke weed.And why do I smoke weed? Answer: identifications. Before I was old enough or wise enough to understand, I didn't know what I was doing. Smoking weed meant high school, grade 9. My brain 'contains' that imprint in its depths. So when I see my young.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/mikedefreitas/1521765/ I truly feel thankful for much of the good in the world. So I call my dog to take a pee. I shouldn't be letting her pee in front of the house, but its cold and I'm lazy. I sit on the ottoman waiting for her to finish, in the dark and with my laptop.I become aware of her after awhile not thinking abo.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/mikedefreitas/1506858/ The moment, the next one, you're looking forward to it. The thrust of life, bullet into your soul, permeating your chestYou thrust forward, into the wide open arms, holding you.Your sister pokes you, you poke her. You think"I wanna tickle you", because she responds with a laughWhen you do it.Flying .. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/mikedefreitas/1498960/ I, like many other people, can experiences moments where reality tortures me. The issue lies in a loopiness; in a difficulty to neatly establish a wayof thinking about thinking. Categorizing is tempting, yet reality throws in our faces exceptions to our ruling. 1) I know that my body s.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/mikedefreitas/1497719/ Its not just that you have a selfIt means nothing - The word by itselfMeans nothingBut does that it mean it doesn't exist? I feel it. I know it by its presenceAnd can witness its dissolutionIn not being - called upon and knownBy meThe not-me, in my body, in my mindConstricting proportions, distortin.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/mikedefreitas/1492773/ What is it that makes one feel the bitterness of livingAnd feel the need to help himself, from feeling it?What drives one to pursue healing, as opposed to masochistically turning inwards and taking pleasure in the thought of your own destruction? It must be early life experience. It must be that ver.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/mikedefreitas/1469688/ I hear a slam outside the window, and I know already what itis; those blasted kids, stoners, all of them, tapping on the window, andslamming it, inevitably, to get the attention of the teenagers on the otherside. "Yo", he mouths. "yo" being the thing kids bornwithin a certain time period i.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/mikedefreitas/1467039/ When the moment passes you can fall into a blankness. Futilely searching for the thing which you can't see. Flailing, it could seem, like walking through the hallway at night: where is it? Where am I? And why do I keep repeating these things to myself? I catch myself in the act again and chide mysel.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/mikedefreitas/1462698/ Hi, Mike, how are you?I'm good, been doing good for most of the last few weeks, but I had a negative experience; or what wasn't completely negative but has nevertheless been interpreted by me as such. So, what would you like to you talk about? I always write when I feel bad. Why is it you only write.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/mikedefreitas/1459999/ Going this way, ok...hmm, what is this...I like it ok, hmm, interesting, ok....ok.... umm, nope, this way, ok, ok, interesting ok. So I imagine the meanderings of my dog across the snow, left, then right, left, then right, she circles and goes out in different directions, to turn back, all for what?.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/mikedefreitas/1457242/ Such a compelling perspective. A different setting in a different world and a different set of affects. Pushing me along a different path with a different feel for the world I'm experiencing. As this different person, different possibilities open up for me, new ways of thinking, interacting,.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/mikedefreitas/1456261/ Your body is who you are. It sounds ironic. Paradoxical. Afleshy thing. Built of cells, which are made made up of proteins; which arechains of amino acids. We know that at a microscopic level that this is what weare. And beyond that, at an even subtler level, physics tells us that all ofth.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/mikedefreitas/1451672/ "So I'm gonna bring you out, ok?" Maggy comin closer to him, a little 5 year old black labrador retriever he still calls 'his puppy'. That's because she looks like one; and he thinks that because he gave her lots of love as a puppy. Plus she's the runt of the pack."You love it, don't you?" he says a.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/mikedefreitas/1447889/ Love happens through the other. You come to 'find love' via the "highway" of knowing and being with ANOTHER person. This is an existential reality. The other is mysterious. Something so obvious and present at every moment of our existing: OUR thoughts; OUR feelings; OUR body; OUR house. OUR children.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/mikedefreitas/1447266/ "So, umm, tell me again why you're wearing heels?" Dave didn't like when Angela wore heels; not that he didn't understand or anything, he understood quite well the irrational want females had to appear taller; but the problem was, the desire had been effaced; what was focused upon was the positivist.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/mikedefreitas/1446158/ Hi there. How are you?I'm quite fine, how are you? Shall we go back and forth like this with one another? Or shall we stop...and do something else? We shall do something else. What? Just listen. Listen to what begins with you. Ok? Just pay attention for a moment. In the nowness of Eckhart Tolle's fo.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/mikedefreitas/1445101/ Electric rope hangingWaiting for the words that willCapture it's glowHidden from my freewheelingHanging upside down from a ceilingPeeling; keeling; reelingDown belowBut now I've seen it's textured glowI can touch its vivacity And claim that I knowThe vastness and mystery of the ever-moving FlowRiver.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/mikedefreitas/1444626/ So this it. This is the situation. Can you - or I - get away from it enough to talk about it? Objectified? To be different for a second so we, or I, can think differently about this matter? Ok. So I keep splitting. It's like I fall away, into nothingness. I cannot for the life of me understand it! O.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/mikedefreitas/1444115/ As he came down the stairs to get his glasses, he saw his dog in the shadows; a wagging tail emerging from a lighted background, she came forward and revealed herself. An instant awareness; a sense of calmness. Seeing his dog like that, coming out from the nothingness of his prior conceptions. He in.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/mikedefreitas/1443120/ Valorous soldier, Keep fighting! Do not give up! Although the sun falls, and the dark arisesUpon you - it quickens, and you fall, it seems, into the voidDo not go - do not lose sight, of what is there, shining stillAs a dimness, occluded all night But emerges in the presence of the ebullient light! .. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/mikedefreitas/1437856/ Just something I was thinking http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/mikedefreitas/1436588/ I've got complex problems. Literally. In terms of complexity theory. Analyzing things from without - things outside you, is comparatively easyTo processing and making clear -An order within disorderIn your human mindI find some strands - forms which make senseWhich I mentally keep track of:Processes.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/mikedefreitas/1434767/ Trying to find answers for the things that went wrong. Life.It just happens to you. Until you wake up to it.It is surreal to me that just by thinking of something,something else is also happening; at the physiological level, tiny littlethings called proteins are being assembled, building c.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/mikedefreitas/1433029/ How do you describe inhibition?How? It is nothing. It is meDoing nothing.I can inhibitinhibitionUsing one conceptupon itself"Don't do"or DoOur only two choices. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/mikedefreitas/1432595/ In reading over a lot of the discussions here about 'other worldly' matters, I often notice a lack of talk about the self and the brain. This is odd and weirdly out-of-touch with contemporary science and theory. Cognitive science, for example, has consistently shown that the mind hasbi.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/mikedefreitas/1432590/ Can you hear the contemptible obnoxiousness of that hateful voice? Does she even know it about herself? What makes her want to be this way? Nothing. This is how she is. This is how mommy related with her; just enough stimulation and interest in her; with a bit of negligence and aggressiveness from t.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/mikedefreitas/1430201/ How can I be for othersWhat I still cant seeIn meYet my star fluttersSomething great calls me forwardNo name, no nameThe ego aliveBut its awareness is AflameWith no nameI am working within me As a chemist in a labTinkering hereAnd adapting thereI am the designerWithout a nameWithout a nameI am motiv.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/mikedefreitas/1429193/ I have a dream, or the germination of a great idea.I am not the first person to have this dream; many before me have had it, but the political will has been absent; and it is absent because the profundity of this dream takes at the very least a sizable minority to make it real. One of the things tha.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/mikedefreitas/1428681/ What within the NeuronWent wrong? With a severed leg or a scarred faceI can see and know"this person is injured"But what is a scarred neuron?A Metaphor? So research shows that cortisolDamages neurons In large quantitiesIs that what it is? Is trauma the hidden Scars of a nervous systemMelted from wit.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/mikedefreitas/1426984/ To start off, I have this icky feeling; this grimy, constraining, painfully intense capture of my attention. My mind is focused and boiled in on something in particular; my body is cold. Why is it cold? I never ask that question. It just is. And I feel a faint jitteryness. My body is on end; it stag.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/mikedefreitas/1426415/ Life. I'm born. I grow and emerge with each day. The days pass and the body grows. It reaches a final height; a final mark. And then? The self grows too; with it, and in it. It never realizes just how defined it isBy the marks and conditions of its bodyThe height. The way you rise and compare to oth.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/mikedefreitas/1426157/ When the traumatized self speaks: All Becomes stillThe self screamsAnd the body becomes so stillSo still, stiff, deaf, muteThe most monstrous hypo-arousalA notorious faint which swallows the mindAnd my sense of timeSlow, so much seenAs I cognitively lean Into my next thought streamAnd I, I, Phenonom.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/mikedefreitas/1423561/ Just something I felt the need to write about. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/mikedefreitas/1420696/ It's amazing how she lights up the room. Why? Why should that be? Why should a "mongrel" to an earlier generation be seen as the symbolic center of family vitality to me? If you watch this little thing in action you can't help but be mesmerized by the wonders of life. Humans. Such cognitive and conc.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/mikedefreitas/1417329/ How can I be so Mindless?Lost to the things that I doFrom moment to momentI feel I am sometimes lost in a dazeThe reverie of livingSo many similar daysIt astonishes me, reallyI say to myself "you're so aware"And yet here I am, doingAgain and yet againThe thing that I once observed in myself,And said.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/mikedefreitas/1415941/ I love my pooch and she loves me.I know it,I show it..But I wonder? Does she know it? If you were a dog in a dogs bodyYou would think like a dogConstrained by the needsOf it's evolutionary logsSo throw a mind into a dogAnd what comes out? A deep interest in smellA smelly world with deep distinctions.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/mikedefreitas/1414019/ Can you imagine it? No. Its my experience, not yours. You do not know and you can never knowUnless you too have experienced itI don’t mean to sound rudeMy body shudders and quakes in just thinking about itI lose all control, something deep inside expands like ashockwave.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/mikedefreitas/1412983/ I am differentIt is hard for meTo explain myselfTo youA wall exists between meAnd all othersI wouldn't even knowWhere to begin--------------My mind shattersWhen My bodyShuddersIt shudders so hardThat my mind Clutters--------------Feelings are feltAnd I Cease to beVacant AbsenceA type of deathWhat Do.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/mikedefreitas/1410769/ I, I,The struggle...Deafened, Flattened, DeflatedThe arrows, when they strikeHit so hardI cannot breatheI cannot seeI cannot orientCan not/ Can NotThe word festers in my mindGuiding my attentionFind me my balmLet me sit withMy painMyPainAnd let it settleLet it breatheLet itLet itBe http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/mikedefreitas/1409766/ Hear an echo in my mindConsciousness swarmsAnd back it comesLike a boomerang I've swung back  So Many TimesLightning Strikes Back, Again and AgainAttention: BeamingOut and outOut And OutLook at what is forming? Do you see? Something generousSomething marvelousAn Echo Chambermy mind is full&nbsp.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/mikedefreitas/1408860/