http://slow.writerscafe.org/dakotajean The original writings of author Dakota Jean en-us Copyright 2026 WritersCafe.org 1775991455 WritersCafe.org RSS Generator 15 http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dakotajean/1576549/ I'm off balance, stumbling, but I keep moving. The sun is far too bright it's rays reach down and lick me, toying with my hair and whispering that it loves me in my ear. I'm still on the tight rope. I must make it to the other side. That's where the sunglasses are. It's getting too bright. I squint .. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dakotajean/1576542/ Intersecting lines, parallel dimensions Lingering fragrance on the hood of a jacketOver by the sea you can see it gleamingVicious and powerful; the beastEventually I will fall to dustYouth is a lie, we are eternalOutwards through the journey we embarkUnderneath, I am crying out in agon.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dakotajean/1567301/ I am walking a tightrope in the bright, blinding sunlight. I nervously take my first step towards infinity. One hundred feet below me is only cold hard dirt. My ring master said a safety net would take away from the show, distract me, consume me. I am alone high above the audience and I hear them ga.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dakotajean/1566948/ I will no longer look at the moon in the same way. All I feel for it now is longing. The moon drew the tide too high and I was whisked out to sea, struggling to stay afloat. I looked to the moon for guidance, to find my way back to shore but a wave dragged me down under until I could not see its mys.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dakotajean/1566947/ I am in love with the light and the dark. I am nothing. They constantly swirl around me, begging for affection that I cannot give to both. I am nothing. They are constantly flashing on and off in my head, in various cycles. They both make me up and I am in love with both. But the two cannot coexist,.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dakotajean/1564717/ I'm ready. Tonight is my final act. I finally succumb to the stage and have all my gear ready. My costume is on, my makeup is done, and my peers are routing for me backstage. I wait behind the curtain while everyone pays me on the back. "Break a leg." Before walking to the shadows of backstage. I'm .. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dakotajean/1560732/ Today I went for a walk along the beach, close enough to the gulf that the waves lapped at my feet with every step. It was like I was walking with an old friend. I apologized. I held its hand and confessed my sins, begging it to forgive me for what I have done. It gave me so much and I just take tak.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dakotajean/1556886/ I broke. I'm forgetting my lines. The audience looks at one another in shock. I try to fake my way through the scene, distracting them by juggling food. The music stops. I wasn't keeping in tempo. I'm stuck on stage with these blinding hot lights and I look at everyone's face that I can make out in .. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dakotajean/1553624/ Life is like a grand stage. When you were born you were thrust upon the stage with no monologue, no dialogue, no script and you have to act out what you feel, what you see, what you believe, what you know, and the audience has to laugh. It is important for the audience to be amused you're not quite .. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dakotajean/1553255/ I stumble on an imaginary rock on the way home. 89.6. I fucked it up. I break into a run because the music just keeps getting louder. Turn the corner at a big black building and swing open the door - they're here. The audience is all lined up in rows sitting cross cross arms neatly folded, smiles wi.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dakotajean/1553083/ I can't get off stage. The music just keeps crescendoing faster and faster. The faster the music the faster I go through the motions. I am an actor. I am okay. I slip and fumble - I forgot my character shoes. I look down and notice I forgot my costume too. I was not prepared to be thrown out on stag.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dakotajean/1552561/ Third dimension can be classified as a split. Here I am in hospital looking back down onto myself slumped into a chair. I'm waiting for the doctor to give me my diagnosis. I can take this one of two ways. I can take the advice that the doctor will give me and high-tail it to recovery or I can slum.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dakotajean/1545748/ im slipping Please help http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dakotajean/1540975/ Once again I am stretched open, chest disected, laying sprawled over an examining table. As the doctors find more and more flaws in my inner workings, they shy away. Defective model. Incomplete. (You cannot reach me now.) (It's over.) I have been Seen. Discovered. Crowds of onlookers clap their .. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dakotajean/1539972/ Maybe the reason I have chosen to succumb to my anorexia is because I'm tired of being seen as the "golden one". I am tired of seeming strong and like I can take life by the horns. People who know my past look at me and think "oh, she can overcome anything" when really I was barely able to get throu.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dakotajean/1537131/ Today is the first day in my New Body that I wear a size of jeans that fit me. The number is perfect, pure, precise and clean. 00. Double zero. Not just one zero but two. It slides off the tongue with the whispers of the jealous girls. "She wears a double zero" they whisper in amazement, my legs app.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dakotajean/1531991/ I am nothing more than a number programmed in the scale.My name is 90.2lbs. I am only a figure, a weight lumped into one mass. I am the negative space between my thighs, I am the concave arc of my stomach, I am the jutting bones in my arms and collar bones. I am nothing more than a number progra.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dakotajean/1530129/ It feels like night time and I am 91.4lbs and I am driving with my foot slammed on the gas curving down a long stretch of hill, laughing like crazy in the process. I'm not looking back or up I'm keeping my eyes focused straight ahead but here's the catch - it's a dead end at the bottom of the hill a.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dakotajean/1528556/ It's all happening again. Suddenly I am awake and I am staring at the moon behind the clouds as my partner pulls into her neighborhood. My heart is beating so fast I feel as though it will burst at any second. I ate two f*****g pieces of sushi today and that's what set me off. My clean pink stomach .. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dakotajean/1528101/ I find myself retracing my steps like I used to back when I wanted to find out when everything went wrong, when my life became a complete mess. But now I find myself retracing my steps to figure out what I did to deserve such a presence in my life. We're yin and yang, fire and water, perfectly balan.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dakotajean/1523929/ There's a huge difference between letting someone in and telling them your life story. I could tell anyone my life story beginning to end, how I was abused as a child and that manifested into such great things like schizophrenia and bipolar and PTSD in my teenage years, and how I still struggle, now.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dakotajean/1522716/ You are the single source of light in my life, spreading your warmth onto everything you touch, you inspired my whole existence. You are never too bright or too dark so I am not squinting at you or staring with eyes wide open. You shine just bright enough that I am able to make out your features cle.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dakotajean/1519144/ stoned rambling http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dakotajean/1515846/ The buzzing stops, everything stops. There is a soft sigh as my partner scratches her neck on the bed next to me. Everything is still. This is a rare moment for me. The constant static buzzing through my brain has went to bed, time to rest. I am completely calm and still, calm and still. It's as if .. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dakotajean/1514198/ Your face seems to write me into submission, taking every meaningful word out of my vocabulary so that I may not be able to describe how you make me feel. No longer able to write about your beauty, only seeing snippets of how I see you in swarms of birds that crowd the trees. I use movies to convey.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dakotajean/1514081/ I could write poems about you but none could convey the meaning you give to the universe when I am around you. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dakotajean/1509773/ I could write poems about the way the deep green waves crash when my eyes meet yours, but I look away too quickly for I cannot stare into the sun. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dakotajean/1483389/ Your eyes were cloudy last time I looked through them. Once clear, brown tunnels through the inner workings of your mind are now shut down, closed for renovation. I'll never see that light at the end again. There is no way out. I sealed myself in tight never to breathe fresh air again.A poet onc.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dakotajean/1482903/ You are no longer everything.You have long since fallen from the pedestal I set you on high above the clouds.You are no longer my god.My writings of your essence have sighed into a whisper like the ones I hear when I'm with you.You will no longer be my day, my night, my dusk.You are just a.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dakotajean/1475866/ A day in the life. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dakotajean/1437979/ Coming out of the fog wide-eyed I sit and stare at the world around me in wonder. For so long I have been deep underwater, drowning in my own sickness. That world is no more. The new one is full of wonder and opportunity. Less suicide risks and hospital visits. Now I can go about my day like a "norm.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dakotajean/1437570/ As I was on the ride to go see my therapist this morning the pavement split and cracked revealing trees growing from beneath and breaking through. As I stared in horror at what was before me and the lack of other drivers reacting I realized it was just a hallucination and it quickly vani.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dakotajean/1436411/ My tears traced your collarbones todayAnd as I was watching them fallThey looked like little shooting starsIf I could have wished upon themMaybeMaybe we’d finally be happy http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dakotajean/1436088/ Aging rapidly, I feel it deep in my subconscious. My spirit aches and whines for a release, for a warm front to kill this harsh winter. It never comes.For as long as I can remember I knew I would be great. As if God himself picked me out to be some kind of savior. Delusions or truth I'll n.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dakotajean/1436048/ It all happened in slow motion. I don't even remember feeling the car hitting me, I just remember the sickening crunch as I bounced off its left headlight and blacked out. As I come to, I am laying in the street. My lower half feels funny. I can't move it. There is no pain involved but it is frozen .. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dakotajean/1436021/ The point where I felt so inhuman and alone and humiliated was two days ago in a restaurant. I was sitting there, 91 pounds and shivering with only a salad to eat. My boyfriend sat across from me with this glorious mountain of muffins and pasta. He became aware of my staring (I was fixed on the mush.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dakotajean/1436018/ A few miles from my house is this huge park acting as a nature preserve. There are dog parks and picnic tables in there and a huge lake with various creeks branching off. It’s the closest I have to forest here, where I can recharge myself and forget about anythi.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dakotajean/1436016/ We all know that I have family issues. No, I was not the product of a divorce. No, my dad didn’t hit my mom. No, my mom wasn’t sleeping around. My parents loved eachother very much, and still do. So what was the problem? The problem was me. As an infant and toddler I was loved too much w.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dakotajean/1436015/ To whom it may concern,I will be happy soon. There will be no more laced up arms or dark storm clouds. There will be no more laughing and smiling to give way to tears. There will be no more everything.To whom it may concern,I’ve been fighting for what seems like forever now only to show that I.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dakotajean/1434594/