http://slow.writerscafe.org/dabenben The original writings of author Ben Taylor en-us Copyright 2026 WritersCafe.org 1776332647 WritersCafe.org RSS Generator 15 i am draped in confidence,the soft assurance of a late summerwrapped around me like the freedomof being young,despite feelingthe first whispers of wintergnawing at my ankles.i remember roaming myneighborhood most evenings,and how the air smelled differentafter the leaves decided to drop.my cat .. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dabenben/2961683/ I loved my friend.It's always been hardto know what love is,but I loved my friend.  http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dabenben/2954358/ Somewhere along the journey frommiddle school to high school,I decided what I wanted to bewhen I grew up. I would bekilling myselfbefore I graduated. The timing never worked out,or there was always someone in my lifewho cared about me enough to makeme feel too guilty about hurting them,so the grades.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dabenben/2938516/ You have buried yourselfin the rubble.You spend your days collectingconcrete corners fromcrumbling sidewalks,filling pockets to shopping cartswith detritus and dust,grout and grime collectingon your fingertips. Each night you pile yourtreasures high enoughto erase the horizon,until the sun can .. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dabenben/2934816/ In my memorythe sun was sharpIt burned ocher-orangeand ripped dark holesin the fabric behind usSilhouettes of our handsgrasping at empty spaceleft dark spots on my retinasI miss that warm sun, andsomehow you've alwayshad itI missed youWhen you left,the sun left with youI never thoughtI would feel th.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dabenben/2926494/ how do I explain thatI'm happiest when happiness is out of reach?when you're distantand clearly don't want me there,I can finally breathe -you don't need me.I can't destroy your futurebecause I was never in it. of course I could never leave.you were perfect. you were an excuse to bemiserab.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dabenben/2919981/ When I take a deepbreath,let my lungsexpand and pause,I remember beingyoungand beinghappy,and before Ican exhale,I am crying,sobbing intomy nothings,filling myempty eveningswith tears. I am fullduring the day,but when my dearfriend finally sets,I am sofucking destitute.  http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dabenben/2893789/ I am stretched thin by velocity,accelerated to dizzying speeds.A streak of consciousnesshurling through the cosmos,tears evaporating in the vacuumto form microscopic crystalsthat trail brilliantly behind. I need to run away. A deep tug,a yearning without end,informs me I am experiencingthe.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dabenben/2885961/ The sun is warm,and the wind is cold. It unravels sweatersand new haircuts,cool fingers caressingwhat they find underneath,wicking away the sweatand frustration we accumulatedin our heated homes. Winter is on the retreat,and a sun-blushed armyof bees and butterflieshas lain waste to herdor.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dabenben/2885134/ I've never wanted to relocate,I've only ever wanted to leave.The thought of unhooking everyweight threaded through my skin,of evaluating who and what to discard,is awful. But if I could evaporateinto mist,and all ballast, relationships,and expectations were tosimply tumble to the ground asa pil.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dabenben/2884801/ I am diffused,spread out particleshanging above my own head,glittering mites sparklingin the fresh morning sun.A cloud of smoker's cough,a mist of s****y sleepthat refuses to re-entermy f*****g body. I am sitting in thisconference room,spread across the room,from ceiling to wall,when I was comm.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dabenben/2883386/ there's nothing to writebecause im not fighting anynotable demonstonight.im wiping tearsfrom my thumbs andelbows,but its just allpart of the process.im just as happyas i was in highschool.i remember driving my cardown scott blvdand feeling exuberantto be alive.i dont think ivefelt that since. i.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dabenben/2880010/ sunlight trickles throughthe morning mist asspring stretches herdew-dropped arms,reaching for the warmthwe have all been deniedthese past months. i am ready to breathe again. my heart aches for thegrowth, the green,the scent of hopeon an early april morning. shallow breathing,keep you.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dabenben/2876296/ I always assumedbad people had bad intentions,that one could not accidentallywaltz through the gates of hell. But apparently, here I am. I wanted desperately to help you,saving nothing for myself,and still I am condemned.I gave until it nearly broke me,and yet all your royal bystandersturn.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dabenben/2874522/ if it was my faultthen holy fucki am so sorry.i tried sososo goddamn hard.so if it was my fault.i am so f*****g sorry.i turned everythingin your direction.i tried so hard.i had stupid ideas about the futureif it was my fault. if it was MY FAULT.but I don't think it was.i deserve to be loved.it .. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dabenben/2861237/ I found a mountain,a scintillating tower,stretching up into the morning sunlight,defying all attempts to climb.I lived at the base,chiseling a cavernwith hands and tools,patience and perseverance. If this is as high as I can climb,then so be it -the foot of this monumentis surely the best place.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dabenben/2860998/ Warm rain in chilly Rochester,feta cheese crumbledon both of our meals.We share,as always -these things are bettertogether. Hospital visits,exhausting days,but we made it through -these things are easiertogether.  I thought we were building,mud and mold,brick and mortar,foundations fo.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dabenben/2857930/ i don't want to go,please,i dont want to disappearforever i meant to say i love you,but insteadi let you go i wake up to breath in my throat,heart hammering I wake up to images,streaks of blooddown scored skin,the sound of the noosetightening, creakingunder my weight,piles of pillsand.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dabenben/2856358/ I am sitting bolt uprightin my straight backed chair,wooden and unyielding.I am yanked outdoorsby the summer winds,by the creaking and groaningof old woods, the rushing rustlingof leaves on themselves.  I think of youany time I am outside,I think of youpretty muchall the time. Sweepin.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dabenben/2852639/ I am writing you toapologize, to acknowledgethe pain I caused you.A stupid boytrying frantically to avoidthe difficult thoughts,the desperate decisions. I communicated through tantrums,by breaking things,by hurting you.It's a shame this lettercould be meant for any numberof people I have wronge.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dabenben/2848248/ iridescent oils play in gutter puddlesand parking lot ponds,fracturing and reflectingthe gaze of surrounding street lamps.a concrete desert,refusing to swallowthe water it was given. the sky sags low, lit by lamplight,almost close enough to reach up andrun my fingers through.wind thunders down .. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dabenben/2848117/ the sun fades to nothingabove our private canopy,until I can barely see youin the gloom -despite there being onehammock for us both. as the embers crinkleand crackle,spit and sputter theirfinal utterances,darkness truly descends. your breathing slowsnext to mineas the sibilant windserenade.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dabenben/2847996/ The great city below is a glittering crescent,wrapped around a bay of cobalt sea,water gleaming harshly in the heavy noonday sun. Sails bulge and ripple,pulling vast constructionsacross whitecapped waves. From here,they look insignificant -ants trawling an expanseof blue silk,rocking in it.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dabenben/2847796/ school ends early,parents are called.1st grade, Mrs. Muellerlooks nervous.I'm sent homewith parents,given a toy(the red and yellowbionicle frommcdonalds, it was)the TV is smalland black and white;they are bothstaring with such intensity(the 5th one I need,only one more! my dad hasbeen buying happy m.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dabenben/2846853/ you gave me cardboardand I trusted it like stone.my foundation,the first things I learned -the cornerstones of myliteral personality.I had to build onsomething, so youmade sure to lay thebullshit on early.I was born ontocardboard, a falsefloor, a facade.any time I breathedin deeply, you neededreassu.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dabenben/2846850/ I ama rusty barrel.Filled to the brimwith guilt, themurky, unresolvedreligious self-hatredthat oxidizes my edgesand weakens my abilityto love. I am a derelict home.With a pumice foundationand particle board beams,I was never given the toolsto make it to twenty-five.You handed me s**t, andcomman.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dabenben/2846815/ the sun felt somehowmore substantialthe thick puffball-pilesof a fierce summerthe great boats of cumulousdriven by whiplash windsas they sailed I would racetheir shadows,two wheelsand I was happyI was happy http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dabenben/2846410/ Words to use: discovery zero observe tie knowledge http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dabenben/2846333/ an endless sea of taupe nothingness,expansive and featureless,laps at my edges and rots away my frame. with the seasons, I expand, contract,crumble, and waste, disintegratingslowly into the void. it is difficult to pretend this bothers me the apathy of decompositioncould never hold my.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dabenben/2846075/ I should have spentmore time in my bodywhile it was stillnext to yours.Now my beardis full of tearsand my heartis empty.  http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dabenben/2827788/ Relationships are losing their luster and meaning, I find myself viewing them more as a list of to-do's than paths to fulfillment. Could it be these are no longer the relationships I chose?That these are holdover artifacts from a period in life where they were what I needed?What if I am trapped.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dabenben/2822492/ my rapid heartbeat is an erratic backbeatto the deafening TV static that has replaced all thoughtsThe rain thunders down around me,oil stains shimmering in thoughtful eddies and pocket puddles. still can't hear myself think over the fuzzdeep breaths make me coughmy threads are frayedI woke.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dabenben/2785760/ Barefoot silence,tip toe taps on tile floors --the front door breathing in, out,as it is carefully closed.Spring is vibrant as it gusts and shiftsin the stillness of the small morning hours.It rushes through budding branches,whisking away nightmare-sweatsand anxiety induced tightnessof the chest.&nb.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dabenben/2768213/ There's someone beside methat needs space to breathe.There's someone inside of methat needs space to survive.I am slipping over trip wiresand navigating perilous pitfalls,exhausting efforts to avoidfalling short of absurd expectations.And through all of it,you ask for nothing,while I ask everything .. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dabenben/2759372/ The evenings stretch longas we approach the solstice.A battalion of weightless warshipsstretches across a hazy horizon,blockading cooler windsfrom sweeping the sweltering Midwest.Beneath the patchwork shadows,the sweat-sweet smell of summertangles and twists in my hairas sun and skin commune.For a m.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dabenben/2433129/ Wide ripples propagatefrom where my paddle meets the water,caressing the surface, then divingdown into the limpid depths. A dense stillness rests atop this lake,the eastern shore barely visiblebeneath the flare of a rising sun. Anyone elsewould feel at peace.The water is mirror-like,and th.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dabenben/2177356/ The feeling of a seamsomewhere in my clothingbeing too thick, slightly out of place,rubbing abrasively in a location I can't quiteidentify. The restlessness ofdeep anxietygnawing absentmindedlyat the contentmentI've been trying to cultivate;a malicious masticationof my fragile senseof stability.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dabenben/2165640/ The final vestiges of sunset linger,a rough smear of rougeacross the horizon,a bloody mistsoaking slowly into the skyline.One can be distancedwithout feeling distant,but as the fading crimsonframes your far-off silhouette,I feel desperately lonely. You are barely back-litby burnt-out brilliance.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dabenben/2158838/ The moon is faded in the afternoon light,an icy disk destined to melt to a sliveras the month progresses.A sudden autumn snowfall,unexpected in early November,has refrozen overnightinto treacherous plains.  Gelid tongues of black icelap the bottom of thin shoe soles,numbing gnarled toes.&n.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dabenben/2150851/ Winter snuck in overnight,a parade of soundless shiversfollowed by the muffled creak-pop of old bones,the groaning protests of frozen midnight trees. Cold hands on the back of my neckwick away the sweat from thisendless black-out summer.My breath hangs heavy in the frozen air,redolent of s.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dabenben/2148923/ A sliver of yellowed moonshivers in the waterwell off the coast of the Pacific. You are floating on it,back to the crescent curve,one foot trailing in the frigid surf.Gentle twinkles from far off galaxiesdrift downwards like cotton tree seeds,catching in your unruly hair.A woodland fairy that v.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dabenben/2144967/ The summer has overstayed,a too-drunk friendlingering when the partyhas long since peaked.Withered dirt-drab leaves,too weary to wait for autumn to arrive,impatiently pluck themselves from their rooststo decompose in gutter drains.How can I expressthat you feel like the season's change;that those bo.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dabenben/2143878/ Summer has peaked,and we are sliding inexorablytowards kinder temperatures.The midday breeze wicks awaythe toxins as I sweat them out,liquor I drank in a desperate attemptto be myself. This groggy-head anxietyalmost feels like home. You are an abnormally strong stimulant,absorbed through t.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dabenben/2139592/ The sun went down without complaint.The warmth of our late afternoonis gently stolen by the cloudless sky,and the chill of almost-autumnshivers down my spine.The table we are crowded aroundis precariously tilted.I am constantly in dangerof falling off,of spilling my drink,of letting slip just how mu.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dabenben/2139589/ Rain mixes with the afternoon gloom,gurgling and sputtering in gutters,puddling in our uneven sidewalks.Waterlogged limbs spit old leavesonto the ground below,adding them to the tanglesof dirty sticks and branches,while storm drains grumble baritone complaintsfrom the side of the road.My shoes have .. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dabenben/2139570/ I heard your voice,low and confident over-topquiet chords.I could have swornthis was a fever dream;it paralleled too perfectlymy brain's unconscious ramblings,where you always seem to bea main character.Like a favorite sweater,not worn since last winter,these feelings felt comfortable,incredibly eas.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dabenben/2136018/ I was face up,floating in my own eddies and ripples,soaking in puddles of blistering sunlight. I didn't expect a response. But you landed heavy,plunging me deep into my own depths,colder currents that haven't been visited in over a year.I felt old sediments that had finally settledexplode .. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dabenben/2132453/ The rain whips against my window,droplets flung from late evening gloomto drip down the glassin twitching rivulets of fractured street lamp light.There's nothing wrong with tonight,at least not that I can put a finger on.Heavy storm clouds have soaked upany residual afternoon light,leaving puddles o.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dabenben/2123981/ I am a sugarpuff cloud,casting summer shadows from leagues above your headas midday simmers to a peak. I am the candle left to burn late,filling the room with familiar scentsas windows and doors are shut against crisp evening air,redolent of early spring. I am the waft of pumpkin and spice.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dabenben/2120890/ I am floating, back to the water,above chlorine-clear ripples,as the afternoon drags gentle sunlight through my hair.The evening rays grow ever more oblique,kissing their way down my chest,eventually evanescing into incipient nightfall. Such a soft touch,leaving a shy blushon all affected areas.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/dabenben/2119516/