http://slow.writerscafe.org/MattHeston The original writings of author MattHeston en-us Copyright 2026 WritersCafe.org 1776017830 WritersCafe.org RSS Generator 15 I find comfort in a rigid schedule. After all, there is safety in familiarity, right? Every morning I eat a slice of wheat toast, a fried egg on the side and a cup of strong, dark coffee; an expensive, superior brew, of course. After I shower and shave, I apply just enough Clive Christian No. 1. I t.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MattHeston/1602743/ Part two. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MattHeston/1473843/ Based on a true story http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MattHeston/1473305/ Just a rather short one I pumped out early in the morning. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MattHeston/1472634/ A short story. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MattHeston/1331795/ Our city's vermin run rampant through its streets, Our derilict society knawed at by the teeth of rodents. Apathy preoccupies the untrained mind, And like dogs we war over the scraps of our masters. I am afraid. S**t cakes the mouths of those who choose to open it; Their words f.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MattHeston/1274842/ Part two of my Batman series. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MattHeston/1141717/ My Batman story http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MattHeston/1116277/ So, this is an unedited blog, my first. I'm not writing this for your pleasure. I'm not writing this for your entertainment. I'm writing this to project an inner monolouge. So, what am I going to write about? I bet you're asking yourself the same thing. One thing that's been on my mind is the p.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MattHeston/966433/ So, I'm trying to put an act together for stand up comedy. These are a few. Tell me what you think, and how they can be improved. So, I hated elementary school. The teachers and students made my life a living hell. But, I got them back; inside of the school time capsule, I put a time bomb. Those.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MattHeston/946376/ So, this is a blog-like thing, here. I'm going to write down se of my stories, ideas, and jokes; some might find a few offensive. Some people get offended by the dumbest s**t, though. Like I once toldy friend a "dead baby" joke, and she started freaking out, saying, "You're so f*****g insensitive! W.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MattHeston/944081/ You wake up, and everyone is gone. And everything feels wrong and desolate. You wake up, without a solution. Unwilling to try. Unable to care. You think everyoneShould have a gun. And you think churchIs super fun. And, "Oh my god, politics are easy."Protests are yourFavorit.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MattHeston/939600/ Stand back She's ready to blow. And I knowShe won't let me go. But that's okay,I'm down for a little play. I think she's a nympho. Her canyon's wide and grand. Enough roomTo fit her entire hand. Theres a floodWhen she's on her flow. She's a f****n' nympho. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MattHeston/936882/ Pass back the pills, please.Is there a reasonTo endure your lies?You don't understandThe pain I've never endured.The tears I've never cried at your absence.Damn me and my lack of emotionBut I don't mind getting played.Pass back the pills so I can undue the choices I have made.&nb.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MattHeston/935475/ There's this one girlAnd she's in love with meAnd she thinks I love her backShe thinks we're meants to be.But, I can't stand the sight of her.I'm often wishing she would just go.But she wants meAnd I don't want her back. So, what should I doTo get this girl off of my back?.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MattHeston/935411/                             Frankly Frank                         &nbs.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MattHeston/919101/ http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MattHeston/919097/ Rituals, each person has their own. Our own superstitions. The habits we dare not break. Jill had hers. Each night she would have to lock every door, each and every one. This may sound like a harmless foible or even a sub-conscience action, and for most it would be. But even the mere thought of brea.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MattHeston/905800/ I know I usually do comedy, but I feel like I should do more than one genre. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MattHeston/839162/ Thousands of years agoThere was aBoy born in hayCeaser wanted himDead not aliveBut he pulled throughWith hisMighty striveNow he'sSuper JesusSuper JesusI once saw him save aBoy from a wellGave him a hug and kissThen sent him on to hellJesus didn't come toSeek or .. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MattHeston/828158/ This is a joke. You know, HA HA? http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MattHeston/822278/ Scene opens with Mayor Abe staring at the sweater John had given him.   Abe: Wait, this sweater was a bribe! Im going to kick his a*s!   Scene cuts to John giving out free sweaters to people on the south side of town. Frank walks up to him.   Frank: What .. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MattHeston/817442/ Scene opens with Frank and John in their new mansion talking.  John: Son, weve gotten so much out of mostly illegal deeds. And, well, I figure we need to start giving back.  Frank: You were never very good at giving back, isnt that why youre single?  John: Must you alwa.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MattHeston/817441/ EditFrankly Frank (The Frankly Frank Redemption/ theIRS 2)by Matt Heston on Friday, July 22, 2011 at 10:10pmScene opens with John sitting on the couch watching TV. Theres a knock on the door. John looks up and says  John: If youre my prostitute the strap on and lube is in my basement. Igno.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MattHeston/817440/  John Scene opens with John watching TV in his living room. He is watching a show where the crew goes around and asks people what they would do for a Klondike bar.Announcer: Hello sir, what would you do for a Klondike bar?Citizen: I would kill my f*****g family for a Klondike bar!! &n.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MattHeston/817438/ http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MattHeston/817431/                      The Final Chapter.              Scene opens with Mayor Abe staring at the sweater John had given him.  &.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MattHeston/811461/ EditJulie Dayby Matt Heston on Tuesday, October 11, 2011 at 7:46pmJulie day wont you come andChange my ways.I see the look in your eyes that saysYou you wanna have fun.Ive had plenty of flings but I thinkYou may be the one.   Hey Julie I remember when youRan away.Flipped off and ditch.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MattHeston/808836/ This stems from my belief that its never too early to get fucked up in the name of Jesus. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MattHeston/802118/ Scene opens with Frank and John in their new mansion talking.  John: Son, weve gotten so much out of mostly illegal deeds. And, well, I figure we need to start giving back.  Frank: You were never very good at giving back, isnt that why youre single?  John: Must you alwa.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MattHeston/801239/ I dont know whyEverbodys dissin meWishin they were kissin me  I dont know whyBut when I created womenIt made my pee pee cry.  Im confusedOf why everbodys hatin meThought that it was safe to beA god.  I never wrote a book in my lifeCuz you probably wouldnt get itFuck it .. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MattHeston/793065/ I believe as Americans our standard of art has decreased greatly. Partially due to these "Modern artist" No Im not dissing it at all. I agree it's art just more hip and modern, if modern means s****y. What makes me mad is that they're always so proud of what they've done. "Oh hey, come check out my .. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MattHeston/785385/ Scene opens with John sitting on the couch watching TV. Theres a knock on the door. John looks up and says  John: If youre my prostitute the strap on and lube is in my basement. Ignore the skulls and chains.  The knocking continues. John gets up and answers. He walks over a dead .. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MattHeston/768694/ Got to high in the end.Hanging out with your friend.Drink a keg and smoke a joint.Close your legs its rude to point. Eating the brownied drugs.Smell of s**t comes from the rugs.A bit too young for thisBut you gotta get fucked before you get fixed. Gotta run from the cops.Weeds been smoked... http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MattHeston/765864/ The scene opens up with John ( Franks dad) and Frank sitting in the living room. John: Frank, I have to tell you something. We are poor. Frank: Yea, well spending my college fund on hookers probably had something to do with it. John: Hey! It`s not easy being ugly. Frank: What abo.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MattHeston/765805/ The scene opens with John watching TV. TV: We now return you to " Paris Hilton Personalities Implants" brought to you by MTV. Frank: Why are we watching this s**t? John: Hey, this is quality TV right here. It talks about major political issues going on in our world today. Frank: .. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MattHeston/764622/ The title is self explanatory.... http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MattHeston/764473/ Ill advertise it all. Sour breath of alcohol.Im jealous of her friends. Wanted to see her then.She cried on my shoulder. I promised Id hold her.Got locked up in the mall. Holy f**k I said Id call.Your angers tough to bare. In the end she didnt care.   Jesus Christ I need help. Her lov.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MattHeston/763078/ This is a song I wrote. Its supposed to be a but humorous. Its a very horny song, it gives me an erection. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MattHeston/762882/ I need a confession. I need you and me. I need an excuse for my hate. But mostly I need a drink. Because I saw you, running with old Whats 'is Name laughing and playing those games. And I saw you, late last night with out a friend I wanted to run and hold your hand but you were distracted and smokin.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MattHeston/762785/ A compilation of my jokes. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MattHeston/762766/ I wrote this when my class and I studied Shakespeare. Enjoy. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MattHeston/762753/ Scene opens with Frank walking in to school. Frank walks up to his locker when a large woman named Big Dot walks up to him Big Dot: Hey there sexy. Frank: Oh, Im sorry. I didnt realize they allowed small bears in school. Big Dot: C'mon, I know you want to f**k me. Frank: No I dont f**k the mentally .. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MattHeston/762453/ Its just a collection of my jokes. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MattHeston/761486/ Story of a high schooler and his problems. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MattHeston/761343/ Just a story of a teen going through high school and the problems there in. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MattHeston/761236/ This is a comedy screen play a friend and I write in our spare time. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/MattHeston/761231/