http://slow.writerscafe.org/Loryn_Lockheart The original writings of author Lockedheart en-us Copyright 2026 WritersCafe.org 1776033803 WritersCafe.org RSS Generator 15 Oh god what have I done traded a career and stability for temporary fun following passions chasing them aroundalso makes me pay attention to grocery store markdownsI'm tired of this exhausted and unimpressed terrified I can't afford what life throws at me.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/Loryn_Lockheart/3131223/ I've decided that I'm okayI've decided the depression awayI've come to terms with the facts I've accepted anxiety attacksI've learned to love the broken things I've seen the beauty in ADHDEmbrace the thingslurking below it'll shape you and make you a.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/Loryn_Lockheart/3128413/ Sweat and spit mix and mix harmful sun beats down on himcracked skin chapped lips dirty fingernails to support a family of sixlong days longer nightssearching for solace in rusted pipes clock in clock out mind trapped in the tile and grout construction ma.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/Loryn_Lockheart/3128304/ No more thinking waiting or wishingexamining myself is my own personal helltrying to mold into someone new leave behind the vices I would run to change the style I've clung to since I was nineaccept the fact I must leave some family behindget back the edge&nbs.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/Loryn_Lockheart/3127435/ Lately I've been slipping just been stumbling by trying to break old habits but I can't seem to leave them behind attempting to eat healthy go to bed by a decent time works for a little butI always slip back into that state of mind where nothing matters and in.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/Loryn_Lockheart/3127365/ The clock struck 12 and there she comes my mistress of despair fills my lungs and coats my gums with black tar and deadly air waits in the dark till I fall apart then she rushes in and if the pain runs deepshe'll visit me in my sleep to remind me of .. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/Loryn_Lockheart/3126085/ I realized today I still harbor hurt from childhood trauma from my father's outburstsI want to move on but every time I try I turn back to substances to quiet my aching mindIs there a hack?please tell me now I can't seem to grasp it feel my time running out&nb.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/Loryn_Lockheart/3125413/ It's easy to forget how miniscule we are on a planet in a galaxy with millions of starsEasy to forget we'll all die one day the memory of us erased while our body decomposes in the soft clay Easy to forgetwhat really matters too wrapped up in the glitz an.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/Loryn_Lockheart/3124735/ Damn,do you feel it too?the darkness looming over us the air becoming blue is it just me?that feels this heavy weight?or are there others that ache so much they are bound to the same fateevery single time I feel good I ruin it with hate it's almost as if my mind wants t.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/Loryn_Lockheart/3124726/ Isnt it crazy? how the media gets it makes you want things that never ever made sense it never crossed your mind never made you think but now you're looking into film schoolswhile you scrub rich peoples sinks you're dreaming now trading practicality with delus.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/Loryn_Lockheart/3124658/  Boys have always been cruel Their eyes raked over my body Filled with judgment, not drool  I was always a little bigger A little taller than other girls That made me want to shrink And make myself small and miniscule  When your young Your b.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/Loryn_Lockheart/3123768/ Secrets guardedExcuses made All for someone That continues to cause me pain  Shame and fear That If I tell My world will crumble Or worse, they’ll think it’s a tale  Even now, I’m almost 23 And I continue to cover upThe .. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/Loryn_Lockheart/3123767/ Forgive Forget That’s what they say Don’t let those that hurt you get in your way  Learn to live With all those painful days Change your mindset If you want happiness to stay  Cause if you don’t It’ll ruin your lifeSha.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/Loryn_Lockheart/3123766/ you go on and say the things you know I wanna hear pull the strings on memy vile puppeteer  I've been controlled for so longwhat am I doing here?never thought I'd go back to the show of wood and fear you set the strings ablaze as I reach for the shears your cu.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/Loryn_Lockheart/2958595/ I'm back and writing again thats how you know I've lost all my friends when I feel that urge it comes from within deep in the soul It's not very bright its filled with all the terrors I fight writing again is how you know I'm not alright I almost alw.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/Loryn_Lockheart/2957623/ I keep making rash decisionsfueled by my painI hate my life andthe way I spend most days Im mad at myself for decisions madefor lack of help I was just trying to survive myself Im caged in a body that hates itself the stress is killing me inside and out I need to d.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/Loryn_Lockheart/2957620/ The things I struggled with at 18 followed me to 22I tried to fight against myself there was nothing I could do still wandering afraid and incomplete no direction next won't leave my lair of defeat I'm asking for help I'm quickly getting oldthe fear of doing n.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/Loryn_Lockheart/2957451/ im scared if I go and let you inyou'll know im not okay you'll see darkness has spread to far to save me anyway I don't know how to tell you im about to go away im not sure if you ever cared if you ever wanted me to stay or if I was just some shiny trophy to d.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/Loryn_Lockheart/2897605/ ive lost my way the map was burned the navigations offthe signs are turned I try to see if theres any light theres only darkness only pitch-black night I try to see if theres a town all the doors are locked the blinds are down I try to call out I hea.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/Loryn_Lockheart/2897567/ I pick at my skin and don't leave the house somehow thats easier than living life completely out I want to change my face my hairmy clothes to something thats better who the hell even knows do I even want to change myself? or is that just what I've b.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/Loryn_Lockheart/2897566/ I hate myself I hate what I've become I thought I was a strong person that would always refuse to succumbim scared of everything even myself im scared of truly living and collecting dust on a shelf I hate the way I walk and talkand dressI hate that I don'.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/Loryn_Lockheart/2897565/ im finally done with you it took me too long too many attempts that sadly went wrongI can't do this anymore its tearing me apart limb by limbevery piece of my heartI don't even know if theres anything left to fix you consumed my soul and threw my body in a dit.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/Loryn_Lockheart/2897564/ I didn't want to change I had toI was sick of all the things I kept putting myself throughthe way that I was livinwasn't workin anymore  had to face my demonshad to settle all my scoreshave to get to a place where im not hurting anymore bout damn timeI change rearrange&.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/Loryn_Lockheart/2897492/ god damit I can't seem to learn my placeI always feel like an imposter like the entirety of me is fakemaybe its cause I learned to hide what was happening at home the healing slashes on my thighs I didn't see things turning out like this its not funny anymore I tri.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/Loryn_Lockheart/2896900/ then he pulled me out of bed by the hair on my head his spit mixing with my tearswould never ever be rude keep stating your a "good dude"but hiding things doesn't make them fake skeletons collecting dust in closet space front it,never frown be fearlessbut watch out&nbsp.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/Loryn_Lockheart/2881799/ I don't like to admit it but I've been alone forever I've never had anyone be there, trulyI was always uncomfortable with someone knowing me all the black rotted parts of mecause thats not what others seeI've always tried to be this perfect thing for others never for me&nbsp.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/Loryn_Lockheart/2870562/ I should be happy and grateful and alive but everyday I don't want to wake up I crumble and ache inside when will this end its been so long im starting to think I was very wrong I thought it was a phase a little blip in all my days but its been .. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/Loryn_Lockheart/2870558/ I feel guilty I got better I feel ashamed of my past it feels like every thing was made up just me going crazy in my headeverything seems so, so small like it never even happened at allbut does that mean that everything that happened is forgiven? just because I'm doing fine?&nbsp.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/Loryn_Lockheart/2870557/ no one ever talks about the pain of getting better how it feels to lose who you thought you were you were comfortable in the despairyou were content with rotting teethand knotted hair im doing better now and I don't know how to feel a part of me craves the darkness.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/Loryn_Lockheart/2857541/ I've been strugglingmy whole life desperately trying to find things that keep me going keep me alive oh but Imjust slipping just stumbling by  can't find peace in the day or the night never happy never satisfied so is it better to.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/Loryn_Lockheart/2845858/ Im trying so damn hard to change to be different im trying so damn hardto understand to listen but no one cares to seethe changesim trying to make in meim trying so damn hard to move on from my past to make up for the time ill never be getting back but th.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/Loryn_Lockheart/2845214/ My Mother can't you see the evil face staring back at meMy mother never showed me how to be a woman what its all aboutMy Mother I love you the most but you hurt me so deep I thought we were close My Mother left me thereshe knew the truthbut I wa.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/Loryn_Lockheart/2845211/ She woke up with the sunwarming her bed she got drunk the night before there was a pounding in her headwithout a doubt she'd try to tune it out but she knew the real truth thats not what It was about this wasn't something newit was normal for her to do she'd do it .. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/Loryn_Lockheart/2843604/ She hasn't got farshe's got too many scars to healshe throws her head back as she guzzles her flask and deals and she knows deep downit's real she knows it's not just in her headanymore she can no longerignore the things she's failed the people she's scared&nb.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/Loryn_Lockheart/2843602/ Your not my life anymore I was a fool to ignore all the things I should have despised you forIt's not a fight anymore shouldn't have to explain every time you caused pain I'm ashamed I let it go on this long you were evil, and I was wrong  http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/Loryn_Lockheart/2843601/ She's got a locked heart and she threw away the key down a hole so deep no would would ever reach and that gave her peace her love would never see the light of day no one to give it to anywaybut either way she would be okay  http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/Loryn_Lockheart/2843600/ Chapter 1The Beginning http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/Loryn_Lockheart/2843451/ you look around and don't recognize your life you don't understand you've always been agreeble, been polite always tried to comfort otherseven when you were hurting even when you were being smothered no one really sees though all their own pain no one wan.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/Loryn_Lockheart/2842963/ Its hard to accept who you truly are its hard to see through all the new and old scars especially when the people you lovedon't understand the person you become but love is love and if you can find ithold on tight its rare in this life it only matter.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/Loryn_Lockheart/2842962/ then she went down that mountain and it wasn't a breeze she lost sight of her own self but no one  could see it was hard to witness seeing her beg and pleadfor the sanity that she never receivedI carry that weight on my chest I flow through the sea I lead myself to.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/Loryn_Lockheart/2842960/ As the night creeps in and the world goes quiet is when my body awakens and mind starts to riotthe night is strange its a blanket of darkness it can be calming and comforting or call to the heartless I can sometimes find peace and safety in the duskor it can s.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/Loryn_Lockheart/2842393/ For the longest time I was in agony never understanding why the people I loved the most would always end up hurting me I blamed it all on myself because that way I would never ask for anyones helpif it was my fault, then somehow that was better than .. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/Loryn_Lockheart/2842389/ If you've never been in love you don't yearn for it you don't know what it feels like so you don't burn for ityour confused by couples who are so clearly miserablebecause to them its better than being completely invisible when your in love, its you guys against the.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/Loryn_Lockheart/2842385/ No matter what I do I always end up in the same old cycle just ending up stuck I thought I knew how to break through the cycle but no matter what I doI just end up stifledbut I hurt me the most I thought I deserved it never really understanding nobodys pe.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/Loryn_Lockheart/2842383/ The rot took over but I guess I survivedsomethings still hurting still decaying inside I'm done trying to be someone I'm notbut I was trying for so long all thats left is rot the rot spread to every corner of my life overtaking my daysand spreading deeper at night&.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/Loryn_Lockheart/2842269/ A messed up autobiography. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/Loryn_Lockheart/2841628/ How do we get out of this labyrinth of suffering?how do we find ways through this life thats so puzzling?Can we ever really get out?can we ever truly understand what the labyrinths about?and If we can't, how do we cope?do we face it head on or just drink and smoke?Is the way.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/Loryn_Lockheart/2840992/ Things are changing I'm done constantly breaking no longer are the days doing nothing rotting away still struggling but with different problems always finding more right after you solve them I never thought I could forgivebut I did its a weight off m.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/Loryn_Lockheart/2840991/ Will it be worth it?will you finally be free? or are you being sucked back in to a past realityWill you be able to live with it?will you be able to look in the mirror?or will your vision of yourself become more cloudyinstead of clearerDown the line, will you be happy you did it?or wil.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/Loryn_Lockheart/2836172/ Im donewhats the pointhow can I go on, whens its been eating at me for so long ive triedto overcomethe pain from you,but no matter how I try to lie,it matters what you dohow do I learnhow to move past allthat you didI was a kid but you made me feel smallthen I cried and I di.. http://slow.writerscafe.org/writing/Loryn_Lockheart/2834137/