Day two.

   The last thing I remembered was that everything was bright. Strobe lights momentarily blinded me through out the process of fighting through crowds of zombie like people, taken as prisoners in their own heads, free to drift into whatever zone the drug they had taken allowed. I was walking through a maze, able to see the reflections in the mirrors displayed around the house, of me, and of hordes of other people everywhere I went. I became unsure if I was fighting towards the exit or towards the center. The worst part about the reflections, was that I could see the oily face, the plastered and greasy hair, stuck to the back of my neck as if clinging to me for a life source. I could see the running makeup, the red nose, and the ugly appearance. I limped through room after room after room, trying to find a door, any door. But they turned out just to be holes in the walls. I felt like I had been eaten from the inside out by a ghost, ready to trap me in a small corner and screw me up for good. My eyes had become a magnifying glass, trying to analyze every detail of what was going on, or what was about to happen. That's what it told me to do. that's how I worked. How I lived and how I functioned, masticating every single piece of data until it had become so minuscule I myself couldn't hold onto the fragments.
 
   I was exhausted, beat down by the chase. I took a deep breath, and went through another door. More people awaited me, all wearing the same dumb expression on their face, all pointing out the same thing on the wall that seemed so interesting, though it was merrily a dot of dirt from their finger. Then I hear them. They're calling my name from the other room. My heart starts to pound, and my blood rushes furiously through out my body, giving me my fight or flight signal that I was very familiar with. I tried to tell myself that I shouldn't be scared, because I was around people. They couldn't hurt me while I was around people could they? 
  
   Hands grabbed me from behind and shoved me through groups of people, until my back hit the wall. Three boys, all boys I knew. Tom, Joe and Eric. I even knew their last names. Paulson, Frances and Eliot. But I'm sure they couldn't remember mine now. They were all smiling at me, like I was some sort of creature they were observing underneath a clear glass. I struggled against them.
   "Whoa honey, no need to fight. We aren't going to hurt you."
   One of the biggest three lies in the world. This won't hurt a bit. The second, I'll respect you in the morning. And the third, the check is in the mail. I know a lie when I hear one. And lies were streaming like spit out of their mouths as they drooled over the body their knock off drugs had given me.
   "Get off of me," I said hoarsely. I shouldn't have smoked those cigarettes. My voice sounded fake, like no matter what I said it would sound like a lie.
   "I don't think so."
   A sudden sharp pain in my left jaw emitted through out my skull, reverberating along the bones in my body, making me vibrate with agony. My throat closed up and my tongue grew thick. I felt myself be thrown to the floor, an easy task for such a lanky person. My tall build didn't intimidate anybody, not here at least. In here, we were all tall.
   The next thing I knew, my clothes were being shredded from my body. I remember my useless hands trying to pull them away. But they were like a pack of wild and hungry animals, uncaring of the prey they were about to destroy and rip apart. My brain went into analyzing mode. I picked apart every piece of the event, trying to find out the word for what was happening. I was trying to find out what even was happening. My body had suddenly started to go numb, and I felt heavy. My eyelids began to fall. I was naked now, and I think the boys were too.
   Pain. Pain. Pain. I tried to scream, I tried to fight. Why weren't the people calling the police? Why weren't they helping me? Some stared, some laughed, some were even taking pictures. My event had caused but a slight stir in the already eventful party. I was just another piece of entertainment.
   Why wasn't my body responding? I hadn't gotten a drink since arriving. But I did have a couple cigarettes. Something in the cigarettes.
   The pain was gone now. Just blurred images of bare skin against my skin, recognizable faces laughing in my face, kissing me all over. Suddenly it seemed like everything had become one slow rhythm, all following the beat of my heart which filled my ears. I could hear nothing else. It echoed in my body as I watched through half lidded eyes what these boys; boys I had grown up with; were doing to me. And then came the dreaded blackness.

           ~   ~   ~

   A small ray of light pierced through the towels that displayed as my curtains for the time being. The ray ran along a sliver of my carpeted floor, and then rested along one of my legs that was spread out on my mattress. Inhale.
   Memories came in swift abundance when I didn't want them to. Every time I closed my eyes it was like an opening for my head to let go of everything it had been keeping safe. I rubbed my eyes. That's why I went nights without sleeping. The fear of dreaming was always there. I sit up and wrap my sweatshirt around me, taking another breath on my half eaten cigarette. I don't feel like getting up today. I don't feel like showering in a mold stained tub or getting dressed in three week dirty clothes. I sigh and run my fingers through long, greasy hair. Quarters. Quarters. I must have some lying around here somewhere. I take a deep breath. I'll go to the laundromat today, but that was it. I wasn't going to go out of the building. Just downstairs to the laundromat.
   Sigh.
   Inhale.