November

I lost myself tonight, on the way home
counted the steps between the sunrise and the horizon
watched the leaves as they fell into puddles of color and music
wondered whether a pair of threadbare wings is fair trade for a rusted iron cage
I lost myself and I started crying
    I walked into the house
    and I swear, I knew you would be there
    a smile haunting my ghost
    a wish that shouldn’t have been granted
    I said your name, hoping you would answer
    and, of course, you didn’t.

I lost my mind tonight, sitting on the sofa
stared at the phone, waiting for you to call
held my breath every time my imagination made it ring
refused to move, just in case I missed it
I lost myself and I started crying
    I called you a b*****d for not realizing that I loved you
    and I swear, I heard you singing in the shower
    I walked into the bathroom and, just for a second, I saw you in the mirror
    shade glued to my shadow
    a dream that should have never been dreamt
    I closed my eyes, hoping you would appear
    and, of course, you didn‘t.

I lost my dreams tonight, lying in the bed
tried to will myself into unconsciousness
smelled your scent still on our-I mean my- bed
stared at the ceiling until it started to change colors
I lost myself and I started crying
    I tried to pretend that you would be back in the morning
    I tried to convince myself that you were just late getting in from work
    I swear, I felt you pull me tight against you
    the heat from your body calming me
    your breath on my neck telling me everything was alright
    I tried to reach out to touch your cheek
    and, of course, I felt nothing at all.

Reviews

[Kaotic Barbie]

Beautiful. True feelings in this poem and that's what makes it come alive. Nice job.

[Jessica M.]

"smelled your scent still on our-I mean my- bed"
the sense of loss of self identity is very prevalent in this poem.
it's sad but a reality.
nice poem.