these woods ...

rengo -- series of tanka

this is the path, is

it not? i dropped the crumbs and

snapped the nearby twigs

i chipped "x" in the tender

bark of a yearling sapling


but these woods . . . are dark

and shadows dart before me

on this sodden path.

an owl softly hoots -- i am

startled by the forest sound.


this is the path, how

can it not be when they told

me which to follow?

this does not look like home or

my heart's desire.  These woods are . . .

Reviews

[Pryde Foltz]

The punctuation of this piece gives it a sense of loneliness, ennui and frustration. Familiar imagery transports the reader into those dark and confusing woods. But my heavens why can't things turn out the way their supposed to. lol. Nice write, fairy-talesuq.

[annie lee]

Thanks. The vision I had was indeed someone of the fairy tale persuasion who probably would be tripping over her naivete pretty quick.

[Angi]

I would question the "they" that told her which road to follow! I like the abrupt ending. Has she been snapped up by some beast?? The forest sounds and other imagery had me tip toeing along. Nicely done. Angi~

[Sami Khalil]

"these woods . . . are dark

and shadows dart before me

on this sodden path.

an owl softly hoots"
A visionary poem with fairy tale quality with a little dark touch to make it wonderful. Thank you for sharing...:)

[The Verse: A Poetry Jou..]

Startled by a gentle sound? not to criticize your work which I have quickly become fond of, but may be that line needs some work.

[annie lee]

You're right about that. Need 2 syllables, though. What about "half-heard" -- that might work. I'll keep thinking about it.

[annie lee]

"forest" -- I think maybe that's the change, and it still portrays the hearer of the sound as someone lost in an unfamiliar place.

[The Verse: A Poetry Journal]

Yes, agreed.