THE GUEST

THE GUEST 

the pain came back today-

and knocked on my door.

I opened the gate,

it was just morning so I asked it to wait.

I went to the kitchen to get my tea, 

but the pain didn't sit quiet, it accompanied me.

Irritated I was with this behaviour-

I decided to do pain a favour. 

I sat with it and brought another cup of tea, 

we both went back to old times, 

when things weren't just fine.

Then we turned on some sad songs, 

it felt comfortable and I was just getting along.

but the pain was just a guest..

I didn't want it to stay for the rest,

so I asked it to bid a goodbye, 

'cause I had left my life on a standby.

Reviews

[Green]

Ignore our resident troll, if you hang around long enough you'll find that he lacks some fairly basic morality and reading comprehension.

I did not find the rhyme scheme lacking, it just did not rhyme every line. I may have miscounted a line, but to me it did follow a consistent pattern and is therefore, a perfectly acceptable and recognized way to do it.

What I really liked about this is that it's true for both literal physical pain and more emotional metaphorical pain. It also didn't demonize what many would categorize as "having a pity party". Sometimes you do need to sit with your discomfort and just kind of have that moment. You certainly don't need to stay there; as you said, when you do you've "left your life on standby" but to take a moment is a healthy thing to do. May your guest have shorter and shorter visits.

[Ayushi MIshra]

really appreciate your review.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I found a fairly rhythmic flow to the rhyming and Near-rhyming lines.
I liked the idea of having tea with the pain, instead of fighting or struggling with it, you entertained it.
Being nice to someone who is abusing us is like in the old Kingston Trio song "The Reverand Mr. Black."
I think your personification was spot on. And I like that you were a good host, but enough is enough and you had gumption to ask it to leave.
I rather liked it...The imperfect beat, but beat nonetheless, added to the idea of this being an unwanted guest, so the visit was not smooth...had it been iambic pentatmeter that would have represented
pure joy at entertaining this guest. But that was not the case.
I enjoyed this immensely.
j.

[Ayushi MIshra]

glad you liked the poetry. appreciate your comment

[JayG]

In general, you’re rhyming when convenient, and often force the line to the need to rhyme, as against the rhyming word being so perfect for the thought that the rhyme seems accidental.

There’s a LOT to metrical poetry that’s necessary but not obvious. And having those tricks in your toolbox makes the job a lot easier.

For a great introduction to those skills, trot over to Amazon and read the excerpt from Stephen Fry’s, The Ode Less Traveled. It’s a brilliant analysis of the flow of language, and how it relates to its rhythm.

[Davidgeo]

Are you f*****g serious with this ragebait Jay?