Winter

When seasons unexpectedly change

I feel cold. 

There is a new war going on but ive been in a war with myself over the last couple of weeks. Under the shade of guilt and regret, i lay on the ground like I've been clawed down by a bear. A stinging feeling of helplessness. How do I make my limbs move? There's nobody to throw me a line. A line that could pull me away from this state of numbness. 

Dreams haunt me. They have turned into nigtmares by taking me back to a time which is lost now. Glimpses and flashes of what once was. Is this the new normal? How can i ever get used to this? My blanket's been rippped off and I feel cold now. Time, please take me back. Take me back to where it all began. Please let it rain again. 

I hurted the person I loved the most. I couldn't be there for them when they needed me the most. Is it selfish to still want them in your life? I can't begin to think about anybody else. I wanted to marry them. I saw my whole life with them. But my baby's gone now. I am left in my solitude once again. But this time due to actions of my past, a past i wish i didnt live. How do i atone for my sins? How do I move on from here? I don't want to move on from them.

Just like that, winter has announced its arrival. Flames that used to burn bright have been extinguished. There is no flame that can keep me warm now.