Dreamscapes

They said the moon was ours;

fleeting, the sonnet made by crickets.

They said the moon was ours;

bleeding, the rays of twilight on your window seal.

They said the moon was ours;

pleading, as I try to keep you here one moment longer.

They said the moon was ours;

needing, nothing more than this second, the Sun was never an option.

They said the moon was ours;

gleaming, on your translucent pale skin.

The moon will always be ours; oh the hours, how they fade...

Reviews

[Miss Coral]

Repetition generally throws me off a piece entirely. However, I think it worked here. You might try playing with your language to make it a bit more natural, both in structure and diction, but this is very nice otherwise.

[Sukriti Suki]

Clever.....The repetition works very well. Wonderful.

[∂αʌ<..]

interesting!...kind of different from all those poem i have read till now!
but lets come to the poem itself-smooth with a good rythmic flow and interesting metaphors and imagery!
nice and smooth it is!...keep it up!^.^