The Hallway, Part II

This is a (slightly disjointed) continuation of user Scarlett F. Freeman's story for her challenge

Snarling grin with green eyes and razor sharp claws,

My knees tremble as I watch the creature in awe.

Buckling stomach and shallow breathe barely audible,

Brain coming up with no escape plan laudable.

Candlelight in my hand slowly grows dim,

Luckily I noticed a few things about him,

The back molars of an ungulate with six large canines,

Droopy scaly green fur and wings almost divine.

The being turns, sees me, and I nearly drop a deuce,

And let out the most terrifying screech lungs can produce

Legs start moving and heart beats faster,

I turn to see the beast racing right after.

Ducking in a side coddidor I blow out the light

Avoiding one beast, but turning to see a more terrifying sight!

Author's Note

I'm most curious about if the pacing was right. Believe it or not, none of my schools taught us meter so I had to learn it myself and quickly learned that I am arrhythmic :')

Reviews

[Scarlett D. Freeman]

Pacing was fine. Imagery was good. A little more narrative instead of being directive. Walk The reader through, not direct them.