Redemption

Addiction.

REDEMPTION

The powder, the puff, the pills--

they seduced me.

Lied and pulled me into a false

embrace.

Turned away from all--

beliefs, fears, dreams--

followed you to this desperate place.

 

Alone in the dark I try to

find my way--

I realize you left me here.

How quickly you exchange supposed

love for utter blame.

 

Deafening sadness binds and

conflicts me.

I drown trying to fix this

broken levee.

--your figure grows fainter

on the shore.

Author's Note

Looking for feedback. Haven't written in a long time.

Reviews

[FRANK]

First of all, I want to write, "WOW!"

Your metaphors in this piece are amazing. I, myself, struggle to write like this. I sometimes look at my poems and find the metaphors that I use to be a bit contrived. You certainly have the ability to write well - creating powerful images with your selection of words.

I especially like the metaphor, "I drown trying to fix this broken levee." That really touched my heart emotionally.

Keep writing... You have a natural gift that needs to be shared. I suggest sending a few read requests to some of the "Top Reviewers" on the "Writers" Home Page. I would hate to see you leave Writer's Cafe due to a lack of reviews. Search for a writer named "Michael." He is currently among the Top Reviewers. I have heard good things about him. Please share your work with writers like him.

Frank

[Deborah Leah Krempa]

You write very well. Thank you for sharing. Welcome to the cafe. Debileah

[Queen of the Damned]

I think you did a great job for not writing in a long time. I think the words pull the reader into the emotions of this piece. I look forward to reading more of your work.

[Legion]

Well, it is a great write for not writing in a long time. I really love the desolation of it. Especially those last two lines. They really convey the feeling perfectly well. Brilliant. Kudos.