The Storm

First one in a while. Anything constructive is appreciated

Like a whirlwind, entranced.
Imbued with a twist, a taught smile.
Magnificently reigning and raining down.
The death of which brings a calm, sigh.

However you look through,
The looking glass is thoroughly transparently translucent.
Interpretations diluted by the opalescent
behavior to which we speak.
By what, we write.
Which is right to us.

The treacherous tornado, destructive,
A deluge of passion
Tempest of trepidation
A sexual striation of thrust and force.
Chaos it brings but calming, it seems.
Leaves leaves, left by the wayside,
Left by the storm.

Author's Note

First one in a while. What do you think?

Reviews

[Tony Jordan]

I don't know that ms barrie is right regarding the 'leaves leaves left...' word choice because it fits in with the style of the previous stanzas e.g. 'reigning...raining' and 'write...right...'
a form of alliteration.

Aside from that I did like the whipping up of the phrases - indicating chaos and the settling down - post storm with sexual overtones.
Does this point to sexual frustration sated I wondered.

Great piece of writing.
:)

[A. Hannah]

I can totally see what you mean, initially that wasn't what I was thinking when I wrote this. It was more about how communication can remain so obliviously estranged even between two like minded people because our minds are all so different, our internal storms, if you will. How when entangled in a heated debate we can often leave damage strewn across each other's acres.
I am so glad you enjoyed it!!!

[KeeD]

Definitely consumed by the power in the write, like a gale of emotion, lifting one to the pinnacle and sending the reader towards a steep drop. I really like your choice and play with words, kudos! Looking forward to reading more. - Kee

[A. Hannah]

Thank you so much Keegan! I'm very excited that you enjoyed this piece!

[ms. barrie]

this is an amazing write, I enjoyed the captivating, chaotic, unique imagery your pen weaved throughout this write. not to mention intensity, energetic flow... while reading this
yet, it's quite relatable...

I did notice a minor issue tho:
"leaves, leaves left by the wayside" --
The second use of the word "leaves" --

I'm not sure if I read that wrong, but either way, I think this is brilliant.

I look forward to 're visiting your ink...
(favs. 100/100) & Thank you kindly, for subscribing to my gibberish) :)

- x - barrie

[A. Hannah]

Thank you so much! I'm very glad you enjoyed it! Leaves, leaves did sound good in my head, however when read by others or even myself aloud it made me stumble and I think revising to "leaves left by the wayside"
Thanks 😊

[ms. barrie]

I see your point: A. Hannah just so you know, the last stanza is my favorite...second comma after first leaves would probably show a bit more emphasis on that particular word.

either way, like I stated previously, this is an amazing ink.

[A. Hannah]

I see what you meant and added the comma, allows for pause. Phew! Thank you so much! To take away the leaves would have disrupted a rhythm and I felt a bit reluctant. Hope this is a definite improvement! Thanks again!

[ms. barrie]

you're welcome :)

so do i... i will be back very soon to read more.