Friday the 13th: Jason is Belfast!

As sectarian woes in Northern Ireland continue, a new threat emerges --- the zombie Jason Voorhees --- but will Belfast diet?

A UK-politics vignette inspired by the Friday the 13th horror-franchise in commemoration of this 2oth-anniversary year of 9/11. 

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Belfast (Northern Ireland) is troubled by sectarian (Catholic-Protestant) frustrations arising from Irish-Catholic minority population unemployment/neglect by UK Parliament and British-Protestant 'yippies' have formed a retaliation street-gang derived from UVF motivations.

STORM-SHADOW: As a member of the 'Foreign Irish Republican Army' in Belfast, we use Western imagery to advocate changes.

Mostly, in this new era, blood-diamond piracy/smuggling into already-troubled Northern Ireland (United Kingdom) creates strange motivations for crime among the Irish-Catholic under-class minority population already frustrated by unemployment/poverty.

STORM-SHADOW: As captain of the 'Foreign Irish Republican Army' in Belfast, we advocate affirmative-action employment assistance reform policies by the Parliament and through legalized Sinn Fein talks favoring the under-class Catholics who're anxious about socioeconomic disparities created by disadvantageous unemployment conditions in Northern Ireland (United Kingdom).

UK MAGAZINE: It seems the foreign agent 'Storm-Shadow' is seeking Sinn Fein talks with Parliament about affirmative-action!

Meanwhile, various street teams of the IRA and Storm-Shadow's own world-recruited 'Foreign Irish Republican Army' is dealing with a new retaliation British-Protestants street-force in Northern Ireland, derived from rough UVF units from the past, called the UHF which wears only black shirts/sweaters and blue denim and wields guns. This is sectarian trouble.

As the IRA marches to force Sinn Fein to seek affirmative-action reforms in Parliament, this new gang called the UHF labels the men/women of the IRA as simply 'black-and-white' desperados.

STORM-SHADOW: We draw upon world-images catering to inter-cultural styles conducive to modern fashions/consumerism.

Storm-Shadow is actually a member of the world underground paramilitary group known as GI Joes and is part of the cyber-creative team behind the Northern Ireland inter-cultural fashion-fanzine called Gazebo which boasts designs from India, Ireland, and Thailand. This is advanced guerrilla-warfare designed to make commerce the headlight in the new Parliament and Sinn Fein campaign to make money the big issue behind sectarian remedies in the modern United Kingdom. Storm-Shadow is the captain and mastermind behind the street campaign.

STORM-SHADOW: We'll be using various 'Foreign Irish Republican Army' iconography just to promote affirmative-action.

Storm-Shadow and the F-IRA are using water-guns filled with acid to shoot at the tires of incoming smugglers-trucks carrying piracy blood-diamonds from Sierra Leone which will add to the underworld crime 'dominion' in the UK and complicate modern socioeconomics reforms and employment assistance programs negotiations.

A young Belfast schoolboy walks up to Storm-Shadow, his good friend secretly, and presents to him a hockey-mask wearing ghoul whom the schoolboy is certain wants to be a new 'friend' of the 'Foreign Irish Republican Army' (F-IRA) in Northern Ireland. Storm-Shadow is shocked and knows for sure this hockey-mask wearing psychopath, who's introduced to him as 'Jason Voorhees' by the optimistic schoolboy is nothing less than a zombie and serial-killer and uses his acid-gun to shoot at his feet to chase him away and watches as the maniac flees into the forest behind the schoolboy's Belfast home.

BELFAST GAZETTE: It's clear this new maniac 'Jason Voorhees' is no political-activist...just a subway-riding serial-killer.

STORM-SHADOW: The 'Foreign Irish Republican Army' has no choice but to band together and declare a manhunt on Jason.

As the F-IRA tracks and hunts Jason Voorhees in already-troubled Belfast, Northern Ireland (United Kingdom), the maniac Jason continues his subway killing-spree. As Storm-Shadow and F-IRA armed with acid-guns chase Jason Voorhees, the troublesome and frustrated UHF street-gang are terrorizing the F-IRA themselves. This is modern anarchy, folks. Will Jason escape?

F-IRA: We're constantly making homemade acid for our Jason-hunting water-guns for subway-hunts for this Belfast psycho.

STORM-SHADOW: We've managed to burn Jason and dumped the ash-zombie in the river; now I'm drawn as an urban legend.

BELFAST GAZETTE: Perhaps the Jason mess is behind poor troubled Belfast, but military-guerrilla worries persist amidst unemployment concerns and affirmative-action policy neglect, a failure of the 'Foreign Irish Republican Army' many claim in the streets!

SINN FEIN: We're relieved that the forces of young men in Northern Ireland banded together to deal with Jason and return to their own woes.

STORM-SHADOW: A young boy made a drawing of one of our members, claiming it's Christmastime-spirit for Jason being gone.

UK MAGAZINE: Our hope is all this new Northern Ireland concern will inspire more artists to generate fortune-imagery.

STORM-SHADOW: As long as urban unemployment is a worry in Belfast, no heroics can restore the beauty of life.

NEW YORK MAGAZINE: Ironically, the Northern Ireland vigilantism-fiasco involving Storm-Shadow spawned a new comic book.

STORM-SHADOW: Vigilance is not a comedy in this new age; and we hope affirmative-action optimism is the result of danger!

SCHOOLBOY: Jason is gone, but will Belfast ever become the paradise for children dreaming about equal detention?

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"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)