Ram Dream: A Window Deal

A narrated 'James Bond' type fiction about everyday humors surrounding Western adventure...and romance.

A James Bond parody about sports-spirit/fanfare among everyday people, inspired loosely by the 'dystopian' Warren Beatty film Heavan Can Wait. Thanks so much for reading, 

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I've been tracking the Rams (American football) cheerleaders for some time now, and for good reason. My name's Amlan (code-name: Storm-Shadow), and I've been frequenting Rams stadium games in Los Angeles (USA).

There's been a serious terrorist threat in North America surrounding football stadiums during games, and it's possibly tied to blood-diamond piracy controls and invasions linked to conflict-zones invested by corrupt capitalism-barons, creating modern news-images/fears of stadiums imploding because of modern terrorism!

By day, I'm a Rams cheerleaders fan/fanatic, but my double-life as Storm-Shadow involves blood-diamond raids of corrupt baron bank safe-boxes using theater costumes and toy water-guns filled with corrosive acid. The American press calls me the Raven, but I just consider myself a 'toyman' of capitalism-defense (a ninja-artist of metaphysical commerce!).

This is a bank where Baron Goldfinger's storing his blood-diamonds (safe-box) ahead of the Rams-Ravens game in Los Angeles (USA) where he's sending terrorists to kidnap multiple lovely Rams cheerleader-ladies.

I march into this Goldfinger-bank in a theater costume claiming I'm the Raven and explaining I'm to take media-photos of the good baron's gem safe-box for a newsreel about diamond-intrigue tied to troubled Sierra Leone, and while inside the safe-box area, I use my costume-theater prop water-guns ('lent' by Interpol-relations workers!) to burn a hole into the evil baron's safe-box and switch his piracy-gems with toys I brought with me. I tell the guardsman to tell the manager/media, "This 'Raven' is doing some 'prepaid' Dickensian work surrounding diamond-traffic deletion."

LA POST (Newspaper): We believe this 'theater-stuntman' known now as 'Raven' is some kind of blood-diamond reporter!

I take $20M worth of Goldfinger blood-diamonds and make an Interpol-relations stations-exchange before hopping onto the Los Angeles (USA) metro to get to the iconic Rams/Ravens game on-time. This is beautiful work...but it's ugly!

INTERPOL: Blood-diamond corruption today threatens the world-gem conversation and corrupts cyber-communiques!

So, you might ask me, "Why're the Rams-Ravens involved in such a symbolic American football game which sees the evil Goldfinger threaten modern media/traffic?" to which the only answer I might provide is simply, "Well, Baltimore has that iconic national aquarium, representative of planetary treasure/life design!"

GOLDFINGER: When I catch this 'nasty' Raven, I'll make sure his rep is as sullied as that of Billy the Kid himself!

You see, my folks, this new era of media/commerce requires special imaginarium attention to the 'detailing' of heroics and democracy-defense, which requires us real-life 'James Bond' types to engage in forms of covert operations to remind youngsters glued to the TV age that real-life heroes are abound, ensuring safe transmission of sports-games, cartoons, and toys!

RAVEN: We believe Goldfinger's threatening the Rams cheerleaders in media because of American love of dollhouse-capital.

As I make my way to the very important Rams-Ravens game, which is a real nail-biter, I note that my earlier prediction is true --- the Ravens have a good 'shot' at upending the hot Rams in this end-season game, and they may even win! This is why Goldfinger's to use this symbolic game-arena to kidnap some symbolic media-cheerleader ladies. I must save the day here.

I parachute into the game during the Halftime show (after obtaining a covert 'Interpol-relations' pass through BBC) and announce on mic/TV that I'm here to 'congratulate' the famous/illustrious Baron Goldfinger for all the dazzle that's brought him great worldly spectacles in modern consumerism. This will dissuade him from thinking this mid-game terrorism scheme and cheerleader-kidnapping ploy is simple.

After the game, when Goldfinger's goons are to set off the bomb in the stadium using a remote detonator, I chase Goldfinger to his parked Hummer-vehicle in a mask and hold my electric-gun and explain I'm to take him to an Interpol-inquiry media-station unless he calls off this entire Rams explosion/kidnapping fiasco in Los Angeles (USA). The good baron promises he'll 'sidetrack' his newfound intercontinental art-exposition on gem-voyeurism away from Western civilization.

Ironically enough, I ended up marrying a Rams cheerleader (Shelley), and we're raising a family together in La Jolla (California, USA). This is a James Bond story with a distinct 'thing' of traffic-dowry, no?

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"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)