WalMart: TerrorDome

A Story by Abishai100

A parody-diorama about what comprises 'American sanity' in this post-9/11 era of consumer-traffic worry...and depression.

A parody of terrorism-paranoia storytelling, inspired very loosely by Capitalism: A Love Story (Michael Moore). Enjoy!

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Follow along in this journey of terrific/outstanding exploits, involving a unit of gypsy-warriors, real-life 'angels' in our midst, wandering around Earth to defend basic human sensibilities. I'm one of these angels, and my name's Amlan Satan (code-name: Storm-Shadow). We gypsies/angels wander around WalMart shopping-centers/supermarkets defending traffic sanity, looking for 'clues' that everyday minions of Hell are confounding everyday consumerism/consumerists. These 'dark minions' are using words of accusation and hellfire and statements of defamation (e.g., "You fool don't know the aisle dollars!"), requiring us angels to understand the 'Occult' forces operating to make such evil courage forms of 'appearance' in our midst.

I consider myself one of the 'captains' of this band/force of walking 'angels' in America, visiting WalMart stores/center around this great democratic nation to understand why defamation statements/proverbs spiral into forms of darkness and vertigo! I study the patterns of human psychology and consumerism-behaviors to evaluate the psyche-impact of WalMart traffic paranoia in this post-9/11 era of alienation and worry.

We sometimes wield special weapons like Indian flashlights, which we wield/yield 'liberally' to shine into the eyes of the dark minions who're traversing WalMart centers/stores to confound everyday consumerists. We shock them into humility (e.g., "Hey you there, why're you worrying this incredible chap?") and ensure that modern WalMart shopping isn't linked to terrorism or worse. These flashlights, among other devices, comprise our methods of theosophy. This is technology, really.

WALMART MANAGER: We've no idea who these 'angels' are, but we do know we appreciate in-store sanitation/securities.

FASHION-MODEL: Yeah, I've been inside a WalMart center/store recently, but all I care for is safe-shopping with child.

As one of these gypsy-angel warriors of WalMart, I not only liberally shop at these hubs of convenience-symbolism, but I also serve as a 'swordsman' of capitalism sanity. No one wants to be harassed or confounded while shopping for cottage-cheese. There's other worries in life after all --- obesity, poverty, availability, multiculturalism, and even cravings! That's why we enforce the 'law of the heavens' in these areas of consumer-traffic. It's what we do, and WalMart may benefit, among other American towers of capital.

Of course, we have one rule --- never upset the goings-on/duties of the regular/uniformed WalMart employees/staff who're the 'real' angels of capitalism in this post-9/11 era of ideals. We simply stay 'out of their way' and work as an invisible army-of-darkness to create rings of control/consciousness. Goodness sake, we don't want to create any kind of abnormal worry-panic, and that's why these fine men/women are simply...there.

One time, I walked into a WalMart center/store costumed as a 'maudlin-thespian' claiming I worked for Interpol-relations to monitor the consumer traffic surrounding the jewelry-area, to ensure that no imagination of piracy ('blood-diamonds') was sullying our modern sense of veiled capitalism dance. People wondered if I was like Carrott-Top or Waldo, a 'messenger' of music.

ANGELS: We care about the beauty-magic of WalMart, since families and single-women traffic there, seeking only peace!

We had to make sure that the security-alarm section of one WalMart (New England) wasn't being hoarded/raided by a new-gen of consumers 'paranoid' about modern era criminal instability in our fine neighborhoods. As one shopper stated, "I just want my Sturbridge home to feel like a paradise-island of security!" while another consumer-shopper (a 'veiled' minion of Hell) accused this fine shopper with, "Maybe what you need is simply sleeping-pills!" to which I had to intervene to create a moment of comfort/rescue with my own retort, "What's wrong with a little 'computerized' democracy (in America), eh?"

WALMART SECURITY OFFICER: We had one terrorist-threat, and we immediately navigated to aisle-sanity for shoppers!

Hey, look, don't worry. We 'angels' are around in our midst everyday these days and may be in a WalMart center near you! You've seen us here and there --- in magazine photos of city-streets, MTV music-videos, malls and concerts in the USA, and we're just like you. We're as comforting to this post-9/11 era to Homeland Security as were the peace-reminding 'gypsies' of Europe during WWII who sent the message, "Not everyone's a profiteering soldier." This is Christmastime-shopping poetry, friends/folks, and it's perfectly TV-friendly.

ANGELS: We get great 'joys' remembering the everyday beauty-magic of infants at WalMart with parents admiring.

One time, you see, just one darn time --- I confronted a real life 'minion of Hell' on one of these WalMart traffic-defense missions, for everyday consumers. This 'witch' was holding a strange bound notebook/file, and she beckoned to me, "Abandon your cause and join us adversaries of capital, young handsome gypsy-angel man!" Honestly, I don't know who was more frightened that darn day --- me...or her.