Cheerleader's Drumline

A self-proclaimed 'national psycho' stalks a popular/appealing American football cheerleader (Sandy) in a tale of distance.

A bodyguard-parody of sorts (but still very serious) inspired by the film Someone to Watch Over Me (Ridley Scott)! 

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Storm-Shadow is a homegrown 'American Psycho' who's been stalking a very magazine-friendly Philly-Eagles (American football) cheerleader named Sandy.

He's been working as a blood-diamond operationalist with Interpol-relations in British Columbia but simply/oddly snapped, and now he's wearing strange/eerie Coronavirus mask(s) and waiting outside Eagles games until Sandy walks towards her team-game bus and then proceeds to follow the bus around in his then-rented/stolen car. This guy used to be James Bond, folks!

SANDY: I've been cheering for the Philadelphia Eagles for multiple years now and have no plans to simply 'flee' from life!

As Sandy cheers for her iconic Eagles team in the Super Bowl, as they square-off against the rival Kansas City Chiefs, led by a very prolific American football QB (Patrick!), our protagonist-antihero (Storm-Shadow) is at the game (in a strange/eerie Coronavirus mask!) waiting for halftime show(s), during which he'll plot to kidnap/transport the beautiful Eagles' Sandy in a rented/stolen Beetle.

SANDY: What'd you want with me, American Psycho?
STORM-SHADOW: I seek to keep you here, in my dungeon, in your house-basement!

SANDY: Why'd you bring me back to my Sturbridge (New Jersey) house-basement?

STORM-SHADOW: No one (I doubt) knows/suspects you're living here alone, sweetheart.

SANDY: This is my 'home' and place of no regrets, and I won't allow you to damn it, American Psycho.

STORM-SHADOW: You do have a 'demo' house, beautiful Sandy.

SANDY: Right, thanks (I guess!).

NJ POLICE: We have every godly intent to find/destroy this American Psycho and return our 'gem' Sandy to football-heavens!

As Sandy is safely returned to her Eagles game the following week(end), the 'American Psycho' (Storm-Shadow) sends a note to the Philadelphia Inquirer which oddly reads, "I decided to allow the beautiful Sandy to escape, and perhaps it's because there's something in her local sports fanfare 'distance' that made me realize...I'd fall in love with her!"

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"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)