Spaceballs: American Duty

A Story by Abishai100

Lord Black on his Death-Ship kidnaps the desperate Princess Honda, but two hero-mercenaries (Satan/Mog) may rescue her...and restore universe-distance(s).

A fun fanfiction-adaptation of the legendary Star Wars parody Spaceballs (Mel Brooks), which I think you'll like,

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The cruel Death-Ship housed the evil Lord Black who commandeered the ominous vessel as it soared through outer-space years after the Sith masters conquered all the Jedi, but there remained one lone hero-knight (pilot) named Satan who rode his own mercenary-starship with his best-pal Mog (half-man, half-dog) but didn't dare approach the Death-Ship.

LORD BLACK: I shall find this 'captain lone' Satan and his Mog-friend and destroy the remnants of rebelliousness against me.

Meanwhile, the gorgeous Princess Honda didn't want to marry her betrothed lazy prince, Lithium, and tried to flee her home-kingdom planet on a spaceship to just flee from this arranged-marriage.

Meanwhile, Satan and Mog were flying their mercenary-ship the Dartmouth when they got a space-call from Princess Honda's king-father Toyota who hoped they'd retrieve her missing daughter who'd been kidnapped by Lord Black on his ominous Death-Ship, and Satan/Mog desperately needed the mercenary dough and steered their hero-ship towards Lord Black's evil vessel!

CAPTAIN SATAN: I know this is dumb, Mog, but would I get us into a hellmouth if we didn't need the real money, pal?

Satan had been hopping around the galaxy and dating various space-waitresses including the lovely helmeted Esmerelda, but he'd not found true love yet...only great parties.

MOG: I know I'm your best pal in the universe, but do you really believe we can rescue Princess Honda from the Death-Ship?

SATAN: Pizza-Don, we owe you $10M space-bucks, but we'll repay you with this mercenary-job to rescue Princess Honda.

PIZZA-the-DON: Let's hope that's true, Captain Satan for your sake and Mog's; because if you don't pay-off; we'll drown you!

So, Satan/Mog steered towards the Death-Ship and en-route found Princess Honda's abandoned/floating vessel, the Elektra, from which Lord Black kidnapped the Princess. Mog decided to steer the Elektra towards the Death-Ship as a 'decoy' and claimed on radio-communication to Lord Black to be a 'mercenary' who wished to 'sell' the Princess' ship for money (while Satan sneaked around the back of the Death-Ship and crawled inside to find Princess Honda's prison-cell). Lord Black thought Mog's Elektra-ship payment visit was 'perfectly' legal.

LORD BLACK: So, Satan, we meet at last.

SATAN: Give me the Princess (Honda)...or face your ruined prestige!
LORD BLACK: Ha, I need no more prestige now.

SATAN: Untrue; you need to 'release' Honda for the fame of mercy.

LORD BLACK: Mercy, you fool?
SATAN: Yeah, Honda's gonna marry me, and people will say, "Lord Black facilitated a 'mixed' marriage."

LORD BLACK: Ha, I rather like that stupid faerie-tale; alright (but disappear).

PRINCESS HONDA: What're we doing in this space-pub, you vainglorious mercenary (Satan)?
SATAN: That's the gratitude from a space princess, eh?
PRINCESS HONDA: You expected a 'damsel' to fall in love with flowing hair?
SATAN: Nah!

PRINCESS Honda: Finish your drink, Satan.

SATAN: That's what lonely mercenaries do, I suppose, your royal high-ness.

MOG: Hey you two love-birds, check out this ludicrous Alien cartoon graphic on the wall-art of this space-pub; very-IQ.

Satan found a magical ring in his pocket, secretly placed there by the wise-sage and old Republic trainer and guru of the fallen Jedi-order of the pre-Sith universal kingdom. He presented the ring to Honda and asked her to marry him for real!

HONDA: Alright, I'll marry you, Satan.

SATAN: Why (the ring)?
HONDA: Maybe it's the ring...or how you put it on my finger, you fool.

SATAN: Good enough, darling fair lady; that's a wedding-tale for the books (for me at least).

HONDA: Cool.

YODA: Congrats, Captain ('Prince') Satan --- you earned that ring I placed in your pocket secretly.

SATAN: Thanks, Yoda; hey, maybe the old Republic will return to 'form' in some way or another after all!

YODA: You never can know.

Ironically the magic of that old fallen Republic really did start taking shape again, after Prince Satan and Honda started reigning in their 'pocket' of their galaxy in great peace/cheers.

MOG: Hey, old buddy, I met a gorgeous space-beach babe named Danica at a space duty-free shop; we're getting hitched!

PRINCE SATAN: Hey, Mog...that's really something wonderful; good for you --- you always did appreciate great beach-babes.

Lord Black was finally expelled by his own troops on the Death-Ship and crash-landed in a past planet through a time-portal called Ape-Planet and two general-apes of great intelligence (Cornelius/Remus) found him and asked, "Is that a man or a boy?"