Alien: pH-Downs

Mr. Amlan Satan is recruited for a Red Planet (Weyland-co.) mission to follow an IQ-signal and ends up becoming a Blue Planet 'prince' of things escape, entropy, and maybe even doughnuts.

A 'bright' Alien fanfic for your late-Saturday (Happy Spring, humans) 

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WEYLAND: We're pleased you consider yourself a great Blue Planet emissary.

MR. AMLAN SATAN: I'm descended from a Slovak-Algerian Catholic-American clan.

WEYLAND: This space-exploration company is futuristic and intends Mars-study!

MR. AMLAN SATAN: I intend to take to the Red Planet all my anthro-intuitions, sir.

WEYLAND: Well, this space-company has 'rich' ambitions for Martian-contact.

MR. AMLAN SATAN: I can assure you I've the IQ to present myself as scholar.

WEYLAND: Should we make contact with this 'Red-Xenomorph' (media), pal?

MR. AMLAN SATAN: I intend to cast myself as a Blue Planet 'artist' of our movies.

WEYLAND: Excellence (Facebook-like).

"Friends, who'd think Mr. Amlan Satan, trained hopeful Blue Planet 'diplomat' of our culture of things of social/media/cyber grids for language(s) and conveniences and capitalism-glass, would become an idealized Red Planet mission merry-man for potential energy thought of 1st-contact with a mystery-being who sent an intelligence-signal to our scientists for an 'invitation-hyperbole' quark signifying some maze-runner game experience for intelligence-comparison competitiveness joviality (Facebook-like)?"

EMERGENCY_BROADCAST: Sure, I (Amlan Satan) conceived of all great things on this furiously designed Earthling mission to the Red Planet to make contact with the intelligence-alien who called itself the adaptive/curious 'Xenomorph' (Selfie-like)...but this broadcast for our media-docked social rhetoric/ethos population(s)-shared 'misadventure' to the Red Planet has resulted in 1st-contact with a malevolence insect-dragon 'specter' whose maze-runner game-experience has (only) yielded in a full-Selfie visage revelation of the presence of crude-malice (and maybe noneducational-competitiveness) in our 'known' universe...I had to feel like a school running-back in the Red Xenomorph's underground (Martian?) tunnel-runner maze 'contest' and ended up tricking it to fall into one of its own pits after making it think I might dive in two differing directions away from the declination (ok)...I must report I am fleeing back to our homely Blue Planet like a flea and have learned of appreciating our home-planet culture as simply/awesomely computer-like.

WEYLAND: You're some kind of hero.

MR. AMLAN SATAN: Thanx (I know it).

WEYLAND: Still an anthro-genius?
MR. AMLAN SATAN: My background in anthropology kept me sane, surely!

WEYLAND: Ready to reintegrate into our Blue Planet of cinema/speculation?

MR. AMLAN SATAN: I consider myself a happy returned human of spy-safeties.

WEYLAND: Good (CNN-like).

THE END

"Doing well is the result of doing good. That's what capitalism is all about" (Ralph Waldo Emerson). 

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"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)