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this poem is a sedoka i wrote a few days ago

The stream of life flows,
like a river with no end,
giving new life to us all.

look at it how you want,
however, you can't deny,
it takes away the ones we love too...

Author's Note

review please

Reviews

[Oliver Jenkins]

Sorry if this comes across a bit harsh, because I did really enjoy this poem, but I think it is a sort of review of stereotypically "deep" thoughts. I like the comparison between the beginning and the end very much. One thing that bothered me a bit was that in the beginning you said "The stream of like flows like a river with no end". This doesn't really makes sense, because you're comparing a stream to a river. Also I was a little confused by "look at it like so however you can deny". There is certainly room for revision here, but overall this is a nice piece.

[Suditi]

Beautifully written. :)

[s.r.knight]

The way you phrased the giving and taking of life is beautiful and I liked that you kept to the traditional 5-7-7 pattern. For some reason people tend to stray away from the patterns with sedokas because they're considered to be such an "obscure" type of poem. Good for you!

[Dark Aeris]

"Giving new life to us all"

...

"It takes the ones we love too..."

Gives and takes, I don't think anyone could have worded it any better. Interesting write.

[dontwakeme]

This is amazing....very deep and moving

[MandaBear]

I like this :) i hope the river flows a really long time

[Brandon S. Whitten]

Excellent read with my morning coffee. Short, simple and make a valid point.

[Robbie~xoxo~]

I like this perspective....the stream of life truly flows. Nice write! :)