It Hurts, But I’m Numb

It hurts
but the pain doesn’t come with a sound.
I don’t cry when I’m supposed to.
I don’t break when it makes sense.
But when a single tear slips down,
I can’t stop it.
It just keeps falling
like everything I’ve been holding back
finally found a way out.

It hurts
because I still don’t know what love really is.
How can something that’s meant to feel warm
leave me cold,
confused,
exhausted?

Two people I loved deeply
are no longer in this world
and I couldn’t cry.
But today,
because of one message left on read,
I’m in pieces.
And I hate that.

I used to cry for someone
I thought I’d never move on from.
Now?
He’s a memory I don’t chase.
And this new person
someone I barely know
has made my chest feel too tight,
my thoughts too loud.

It hurts
how fast things change.
How easily I give pieces of myself
even when I swear I’m guarded.
How I let hope slip through the cracks
even when I pretend I’m not hoping.

I feel stupid.
I feel tired.
I feel everything and nothing,
all at once.

It hurts…
but I’m numb.
And I don’t know what’s worse.

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

My thoughts have been loud, my chest hurting, and I have felt that numbness.
I have had too many friends leave this world...and for some reason, no tears...I guess I just gradually cry inside...for years now.
j.