The train to isolation

"Dusty silhouettes are convoying the last train to isolation. The fortune to disappear is higher rated than existence itself. It statisfies me to meet supression under the vitreous layers of facility. The only concern is the velocity of getting invisible."

Ivory closed the entrance to the portal and extingusihed the last tobacco flavored candle.

She was used to be a muted violin key. 

Meant to never be played in this collaboration of universal cantrips. 

Her silent trepidation was leaking like amber a new particle of merit. 

The only shelter to not refuse was the life of a pantomime. Just mix up black and white and let your being speak. 

Let it smash out the last sound of required visibility. 

Ernesto was the only one she would speak to without requiring silence. Old Ernesto was a blind saxophone playing secretkeeper and her personal rock. He never refused to play her "Rhapsody of fading" because it was the only thing in the world that would keep her arise. She would make the world seem like an undesirable taint. 

"The stage that follows fading will encourage you to ever look back to existence, Ernesto my dearest friend. Colours only delude us, there is a big nothing over the rainbow. You neglect a big overwhelming nothing. Just embrace the aerosol you will transform into one day. That is the true grace, they are talking about. Let this truth be our secret until the next stage."

Reviews

[Rossen]

I enjoyed reading your story.. you have managed to keep it short yet filled with wonderful detail...
sharp bright and new...

"Her silent trepidation was leaking like amber a new particle of merit."

Giving this 100/100 for having a clear and original literary voice.

The fact that you beautifully resemble a young Pat Benatar had nothing to do with it...


Rossen

[Jeannette Lunete]

Thanks a lot Rossen. Your comment full of laudation cheered my day up. :)

[Zakari Schmidt]

I found this so well written and captivating. If this is the true grace, I am clumsy and uncoordinated, left pondering the time it takes to disappear once the train departs. Beautifully done

[Jeannette Lunete]

Thanks for reading and reviewing. I appreciate it a lot. :)

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

This poem inspired me to think about my actions and my behavior as a human being. My thinking came into question as well. We all seem to look for the one thing we are great at, but should we stop there? What is the cost? I liked Ernesto's role in this story. The perception of this person came into question in so many ways and he seemed to represent unconditional love...in some ways. There was a bit of innocence also in some ways. I liked the relationship a lot. It was very dynamic. Especially how there was a bit of parent/child nurturing on both sides...and relating to eachother as adults. equals. This story has a lot going for it, but your ability to take many themes and tie them together is special. Art, philosophy, psychology...and more. Deep. We would need to take this story and come back in a week for a book club meeting to really get into it.

[Jeannette Lunete]

Thanks for this encouraging review Zeitgeist Manifesto. I'm glad that the story affected you. I deeply appreciate it. :)

[Angad Waraich]

Your work is interesting and intriguing as always.
I love how you can say so much in such few words, amazed at the depth you can present.
Not to sound cocky but i would like a peek inside your mind once.
A well done piece(again)
Keep 'em coming.

Thank you
-Angad

[Jeannette Lunete]

Thank you very much Angad. It's a pleasure to read your encouraging reviews. :)

[Angad Waraich]

You're very welcome.

[Jack Wolfe]

Very good opening line, it creates immersive thought.

Ivory, Ivory, your introductory line tells us it’s Ivory, You don’t need to repeat.

Her silent trepidation was leaking like amber a new particle of merit.

Her silent trepidation was leaking like amber (,) a new particle of merit

Her silent trepidation was leaking like amber—a new particle of merit.

(Just suggestions)

Just mix up black and white and let your being speak.
Let it smash out the last sound of required visibility.

Have a look at the sentence one by one, the need to be connected to your original thought.

Universial (universal)

Ernesto was the only one she would speak to without requiring silence. Old Ernesto was a blind saxophone playing secretkeeper and her personal rock.

A little house-keeping:

Ernesto, the only person she would speak to without requiring silence; Old, Ernesto, a blind saxophone playing secret-keeper, and her personal rock.

A few minor suggestions. I hope they help.

[Jeannette Lunete]

Thanks a lot Jack for the review. I apprecite the suggestions. Keep them coming in this outstanding constructive way.

[Einstein Noodle]

what an exciting new form you have created .. i'm like .. ok .. it's a short story .. then read a line .. no its prose .. read another and another and i'm like .. its poetry!! :) lots of vivid lines and phrases to be proud of .. too much substance to take in by reading once .. the first paragraph/verse is a poem to itself .. if it were mine i would have posted it as such ..
"....collaboration of universial cantrips." .. love it! (check sp of universial!:)
"...a undesirable taint." should be an undesirable .. ;)

the metaphysical innuendo is captivating and mysterious .. i thoroughly enjoyed reading every morsel of this delicious pie
E.

[Jeannette Lunete]

Thanks for the review Einstein Noodle. I am glad that you enjoyed reading my work. I appreciate the revise of my failed spelling, because letters are kinda trying to escape from my scratched thoughts and it is nice to see them coming home again.

[JC]

so much to ponder here, little mind-benders like Buddha's Koans, kind of gave me a Burroughs feel, diaphanous film between reality and other realities and time. Very interesting, poetic and thought provoking. I enjoyed it.

[Jeannette Lunete]

Thanks a lot Jason for this interesting and profound review. I appreciate it. :)

[Mr.Boffin]

lovely read...really love your style nice, unique, and succinct! Great job :)

[Jeannette Lunete]

Thanks a lot. I am glad that you liked it. :)

[Kringefest]

This is interesting. The form is different, pleasant to read. The story itself is very well written and has a very interesting character in it. (I also think you should add a hyphen here to facilitate reading: "Old Ernesto was a blind saxophone-playing secretkeeper and her personal rock.") Great job, thank you for penning.

[Jeannette Lunete]

Thank you very much. I appreciate your style it is quite unique . You are most welcome my friend.

[Kringefest]

No problem!