Mom jokes

Don't be so hard on yourself; the mom in ET had an alien living in her house for weeks and didn't notice.

As a mom, I'm no longer a snack. I'm a Happy Meal. I come with toys and kids.

Motherhood has shown me that you don't need fun to have alcohol.

Motherhood is like a fairy tale, but in reverse. You start out in a beautiful ball gown and end up in stained rags cleaning up after little people.

"It's spicy" is the universal mom code word for "I don't want to share."

Some days you question your parenting. Other days you have to question your child's childing.

My kids can never make fun of me for teaching me how to use my phone. I taught them how to use a spoon.

How kids say goodnight: "I fed the dog, and now he's making a funny noise."

 Good moms let their kids lick the beaters. Great moms turn them off first.

Having a weird mom builds character.

 Being a mother of a teenager is finally understanding why some animals eat their young.

The fastest way to spread news isn't on the internet. It's by telling your mom.

Nothing is truly lost until Mom can't find it.

 Ever heard of a job that requires no experience, gives no training, pays nothing, and you can't quit? That's motherhood. Oh, and people's lives are on the line.

 Motherhood taught me just how far I can let myself go and still be okay with it.

 Motherhood means that half the time I feel like I'm running an asylum, and the other half I feel like I belong in one.

 Mommy doesn't have a favorite child�"you all annoy me equally.

Why is a computer so smart? Because it listens to its motherboard.

What's the fastest land mammal? A toddler who's been asked what's in their mouth.

Any levity is a good thing when your job (or second job) is wrangling little humans. So have a laugh at these that just might fit your mood.