Inundated Oculus

Water... flooding the earth: one soul at a time.

Oceans clash in brawls with mountains
of land: analogous with strife Atlas and
Neptune fought eons ago…

A trident came forth as brothers turned the
fist to stone, as the rest meticulously arrested:
the body opening the heavens eternally"a
punishment of betrayal.

 

As in those mythoi, sister aqua of the seas
knows deep in her visceral heart
that you too feel the same way:

you couldn’t close those eyelids as
droplets adjacent to your face fell into puddles
that would allow Alice to feel fortitudinous;

you couldn’t stop the locks from opening as
the boat continued onward
to the desolate sea;

you couldn’t elevate the control of flood as
all life as you recognized it,
covertly vanished;

But she appreciates.
She cognizes that like inundated
happenings,
the eye of “I” in you,
is always flooding.

Author's Note

Inundated oculus (aka Flooded eye) came to me when I drew a little thing that looked like tears coming from an eye. So here's a very abstract account. Enjoy!

There's two major allusions in this poem. Can you find them? :P Anyways, all critique is appreciated! Longer more analytical is more appreciated then just a "good job!". I will usually return the favor, so review away!

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

The words you write are like a beautiful painting. Allowing the reader to have great vision. When the tears flow without stopping. Can create a peace if we desire. The ending made this amazing poem complete. A excellent poem. I like the use of water and emotion
Coyote

[T. F. Rice]

This poem placed Honorable Mention in The Other Herald's contest themed "Water", so the author's name and title of this piece appeared in a contest results listing in a recent issue of TOH. It was the Jan. 2012 issue #51, themed for the four elements (including Water).
The Other Herald is a small-press print publication "Heralding the art of words" since 2006. Some images of the issue can be viewed online at the following links:
http://www.otherherald.com
http://www.etsy.com/shop/TFRice?section_id=5079745
Congratulations on placing in the contest! ~Editor

[Yuan]

Greek to the core, but well written, perhaps it's late and my functioning mind can't quite place certain secrets laden in this write, all I can see are flow of words and a mythic story with transparent sorrows and a mischievous taunt. The communication had obstacles.

[Laura E. Aranda]

Thank you for submitting this in my contest. I have to be honest there were several words I was not familiar with but i did enjoy the read....it felt very steeped in mythology.
I especially connected with the last stanza:
But she appreciates.
She cognizes that like inundated
happenings,
the eye of “I” in you,
is always flooding.

[Emily B]

you have a mature voice and a wonderful vocabulary

looking forward to reading more

[Victoria PoetryBunny]

Seems like a powerful meaning written in this, I love how you ended this... a powerful, deep write with a impact and bit thought thinking.

[guiltyascharged]

Wow... Very beautiful write. The words and flow is amazing and blend together so naturally.... Powerful inspiration.

[Waka Crusnik]

This is a very powerful poem (after I read it a few times I finally understood, I'm shaky on poem analysis). First off I want to applaud your vocabulary usage and yet the ability to make such words elegant in the poem.

Now onto the poem itself. It's a constant onflow of emotion that I associate with those tears that you try with every fiber in your being to keep from spilling, but they just come. And come. And flow some more. The first part with Atlas and Neptune personify that for me, one part not wanting to bubble emotion while the other threatens to overflow. And then the second part of the poem associates the emotion with locks, a flood, puddles... all associated with water (the locks I associated with dams). All happenings that will happen regardless of protest or anything.

I'm glad I read this poem; I actually got something from it! Great job :)

[AndyJCash]

It's interesting how you go from a fantasy/mythological story and wrap it all together in a simple yet very realistic image. The trident immediately reminded of Poseidon though I don't know enough about him to make a full comment.
I adored the description of Alice in Wonderland in there, reminding fondly of the first part of the book that dragged me into the tale.
And ofcourse, we come to that conclusion which I read a couple of times to understand the image being explained. It's genius, really enjoyed this one :D