Where paradise is found

A glossa made out of one of Emily Dickinson's 'Heaven is what I cannot reach!'

Original part:

 

The color on the cruising cloud,
The interdicted ground
Behind the hill, the house behind, --
There Paradise is found!

 

Emiliy Dickinson - Heaven is what I cannot reach!

 

Where Paradise is Found - A glossa

 

The color on the cruising cloud
caress my skin, a gentle breeze
surrounded by fields plowed
what else could make me more appeased?

 

The interdicted ground
blossoming flowers, spreading scents
birds' music profound
not one moment I lament

Behind the hill, the house behind
my every step, a touch of heaven
love, music intertwined
come closer, the mystery unleavened

There Paradise is found
with eyes shut to see the light
no disturbance around
oh if I could stay, my heart it might

 

Author's Note

Glossa made out of 'Heaven is what I cannot reach!' from Emily Dickinson.

Reviews

[Ravenskald]

I like an awful lot of this, though I suspect it would get better with a rewrite/edit, there are places that it doesn't quite roll of the tongue for me. eg. and please ignore if you disagree !!

"There Paradise is found
with eyes shut to see the light
no disturbance around
oh if I could stay, my heart it might"

TO

There Paradise is found
with (my) eyes shut to see the light
no disturbance (is) around
if I could stay, then my heart it might

Thx for sharing this :)

[Wildecat]

This is a very well crafted poem, a pleasure to read.

[Poeticpiers]

you have capture emily's styke if not quite her cadence A vakiant effort

[Brianna Brie]

Super write!! Rather calm and relaxing while it hits on most of the senses. It makes the reader really imagine being there. Two thumbs up!!

[Helena]

Stunning! A very well crafted "Glosa". Don't you just love Emily Dickinson? One of my favorite poets.
You had some wonderful visual lines in this poem. I'm sure Ms Dickinson would be impressed!!

You did a good job, much enjoyed!

~ Helena