Walk within

Walk within my head

Try to understand

All the words I never said

Like dried up tears in the sand

 

Walk within my heart

Try to see

Scars like made by a dart

This is me

 

Walk within my eyes

Try to find

Hidden within them lies

Memories of a soul so blind

 

Walk within my veins

Try to feel

The eternal flow of pain

An outcome so unreal

 

Walk within me

Try to stay

I know not what I’ll be

Or the price for this I’ll have to pay

 

Reviews

[eli mercuree rue]

interesting the way the walk within .... and try to... are paired very interesting
im trying to understand why
it feels right but awkward at the same time, a good kind of awkward


nice

[Riverdance]

I really enjoyed the overall meaning of this poem! You started off really nicely, however, some of the flow of the words was interrupted by your work in rhyming it. Especially here:"Walk within my heart Try to see Scars like made by a dart This is me""Scars like made by a dart" didn't fit in with the overall flow. Try rephrasing it using fewer syllabols (sp.?) to keep the whole phrase even.I know everyone likes rhyming, but sometimes a poem does better without rhyming, especially if rhyming causes the overall content to be lost in the effort. Gosh, I feel like I'm being harsh in my critic, but it was really good and I just want to help you make it even better. I really liked it! Keep up the good work and I'll be looking forward to some of your future works. =)