"Me... Okay?"

Speaks for itself

“Me… Okay?”

 

Me - okay?  

Some days I ask that -

of me,

myself,

and my I.

Other weeks - not so much...

It’s not as important a thought …anymore.

Life as we live it,

as only we CAN live it

… is important.

 

Some days I even read again -

slowly - now without the sense of abandon

pleasure

imagination...

 

I’m conscious of the speed -

My NOW speed

but not the mind's recognition of the next word(s) -

before their actual view or reading

- though that  IS still here, within me...

just not as accessible so much.

 

Reading - just another thing taken away

by another's purpose -

seems we live on - with that,

things taken away by another's purpose.

 

Some suggested I join “Audible” -

I read multiple LARGE books a day

because I WANTED too

And now I still WANT too…

 

Do you pause in a paragraph or a chapter

or even within a line -

to consider a lightning’s “thought”

or to imagine something, somewhen, some how?

Some thing NOT on the page but within your mind?

Behind your eyes?

 

How does one “pause” within

an “Audible’s” script?

I remember how to pause a thought -

To have another… and to continue from where I left off.

 

You ever miss being you…

 

…you ever miss being…

 

It’s the little things - mostly

…the details…

the senseless details,

that trip ME up.

 

All the things you do - did…

some just take extraordinary effort

(read that as pain full and sloooow).

It’s “easy” - not really - getting down …BUT

getting back up - now THAT’S where the work is!

Yeah…

 

For me, it hasn’t been a getting older thing -

it’s just more of “anothers’ ”  purpose.

 

This is NOT negativity -

They gave me a wheelchair,

I use a walking stick - just a lil more slowly.

“Never Ever Give Up!”*

 

Chris

 

* - “Never Ever Give Up”, not my words but they were a life’s lesson I’ve never forgotten from a person I’d never met.

An addendum:  "Anothers' purpose" - a clue for reference sake.  Be it Medicine:  Medicine is an Art - not a Science.. Many of today's medical classes and whole courses are "Pass/Fail", so there are no grades to judge candidate fitness.  Some  Doctors and nurses really, really work at it, but so many don't that patient faith and trust dissolve more and more.  And "Having Bad Days matter - to BOTH sides.  Falling through the "cracks" in multiple professional treatment (including life and death) settings - over and over again - doesn't inspire... and even the accounting side of the houses - so holier than thou - so often haven't a clue of what processes work, or timeliness requirements or why ANYTHING matters to someone else.  OR:  Be it Familial, Social, or even Professional ...clueless directives.

Author's Note

Feel free.

Reviews

[Jansy]

Life as we live it, as only we CAN live it… is important. I feel this deep in my soul man. "This is Not negativity"" I feel it's being realistic. And this is the realest poem I've read today. Life is just one disappointment after another, and I guess, it's because I live in it. It's better to not expect much from life, from people, than just what it is...me, okay. I think I am. I guess, I have my youth and my whole life to look forward to, even if it's at the edge of the cliff. But, I do hope, you're okay and that your health improves. It's always good to try to attempt to look at the positive things, in one's situation, even if the heart is failing... even if we're too broken.. atleast we're still breathing. I guess, that's the most I can look forward to. Gee, this got dark. I apologize. Your poem really made me think. And it resonated with me.
James☆

[Chris]

James, YOU are important - to me, those around you, and to the world as a whole as we know it. As you said, times are hard... but it is WE that make them livable becaUSE WE don't GIVE UP. we STAND UP FOR OUR BELIEFS and help others as and when we can.

I am still here DESPITE the ignorance, ineptitude, meanness, lazyness, uncaring, attitude, and self-aggrandizing healthcare(???) system currently masquerading through our lives. My health wasn't that bad until I did what they told me to do... now I've pretty much come through to the other side but hell I got here because I would NOT give up.

Do me a favor and drop me a message here - just tween the two of us...

Laters,
Chris

[Rosie E C…]

This has given me a sense of upliftment.

I like your attention to detail, again this is a complex piece. The writer is very articulate in their own way.

This is a questionable and investigative read. I feel like I’ve been taken on a journey to every corner of your mind.

Vivid and informative.

[Curly Grace]

Chris, thank you for sharing this. Your honesty lands with such clarity. The way you describe the shifts in pace, in self, in what used to be effortless, it’s deeply human. I really admire the steadiness in your voice, even as you name what’s been taken and what remains.

[Chris]

It is the MARK of the person you are to - N.E.G.U. (never ever give up) ...the alternative is unacceptable.

[Davidgeo]

If it makes you feel better, no one is okay. I'm pretty sure, at the moment. Yee Hawwww!

[ETERNITY]

Oh. Christopher. Medicine. The Hippocratic Oath is what we, the public, rely on. But it's all about "money" anymore.

[Chris]

It has ALWAYS been about money, but before now they earned it, had better personal skills (and professional ones as well though not as much available knowledge) had way fewer Drs. to a single practice and they (for a time) knew their patients and even sometimes made actual house calls.

Hospitals weren't the soul-less body-factories they are now. They didn't kill on purpose and for profit. Care had heart and fewer patients per staff member.

Insurance never really gave a damn BUT they had ethics (somewhat).

[ETERNITY]

omg that's so smart! I am really too young to remember 'house calls' but I remember hearing about them.
Sure, I've heard the adults talking about "They must need the business" when doctor fails but sends the patient to his or her son or daughter to treat. THAT is B.S. but we, the public, are helpless. What ever happened to Malpractice lawsuits? (I've only heard about those as well.)

[ETERNITY]

You...okay. Reading: I'm exactly like you there. Some days I think I'll never read again. Then somedays all I want to do is read.
Audible turns me off because I do want to think and interject. That's how we're made.
You know our biggest road block is "time". But I get satisfaction in knowing that "eternity" will not be time driven. Isn't that great? I mean, we'll never have to "hurry" again!

[ETERNITY]

Chris, I feel exactly like James. My life is before me, I want to live and not think about anything else.
Oh, important things like, do these shoes match this outfit?
Would Father approve of the hem length?
Once, I got so scared of the goings on in the world, I slashed my wrists.
Do not want to go there again. So I cover myself in my satin cocoon. I love it in here!
Merci, Mon Frere.

[Chris]

dōitashimashite...

[ETERNITY]

wow :)
............

[Betty Hermelee]

Dear Chris
I empathize with you Chris…. My hubby at 90 just went through a horrible 7 days in hospital for a gastro infection … 3 different ones… now housebound both of our lives have changed…… need I say more? I am a caregiver; thankfully we have have some help… but it’s a constant struggle…. We have to decide when enough is enough …
One does as much as one can and tries to get some joy out of almost nothing… hang in there Chris… it seems you still have something to give to your life and to others!
A very honest and tender piece
Warmly
B🙏🌷🌷🌷🌷

[Chris]

Mrs. Hermelee, Betty,

I appreciate your thoughts and words.Its bad when our health care professionals cause and then reinforce our sliding heath issues. And the professional Patient Advocates forget whom they are advocating and why. None of us little people are going to live forever except perhaps afterwards according to our religious beliefs BUT so few DESERVE the health care we endure as a norm and the people that deliver it are now just corporate pawns and shills unaccountabe for what they dispense. Blessed Be hon, to your man and HIS Lady.

"NEGU",

Chris

[Betty Hermelee]

You are very welcome!
Warmly, B

[Stephany]

So many questions. They saw the answers lie within us. As you eloquently stated. But some answers need a bit outside direction. If only to keep us moving in the right direction. Life is rarely fair, at least not the way we want. Your writing is as thought provoking as always. I hope your ability to capture your thoughts improve. Wishing you the best.
Steph

[Chris]

I have the thoughts and the focus - it's the desire to post them that isn't always within me. Hi Steph - it's been awhile.

[Thomas W Case]

Superb work. It's a question we all need to ask.

[Chris]

Good morning... I feel it's a question that perhaps we ALL need to answer as it pertains to what we - ourselves - experience.