"Me... Okay?"

Speaks for itself

“Me… Okay?”

 

Me - okay?  

Some days I ask that -

of me,

myself,

and my I.

Other weeks - not so much...

It’s not as important a thought …anymore.

Life as we live it,

as only we CAN live it

… is important.

 

Some days I even read again -

slowly - now without the sense of abandon

pleasure

imagination...

 

I’m conscious of the speed -

My NOW speed

but not the mind's recognition of the next word(s) -

before their actual view or reading

- though that  IS still here, within me...

just not as accessible so much.

 

Reading - just another thing taken away

by another's purpose -

seems we live on - with that,

things taken away by another's purpose.

 

Some suggested I join “Audible” -

I read multiple LARGE books a day

because I WANTED too

And now I still WANT too…

 

Do you pause in a paragraph or a chapter

or even within a line -

to consider a lightning’s “thought”

or to imagine something, somewhen, some how?

Some thing NOT on the page but within your mind?

Behind your eyes?

 

How does one “pause” within

an “Audible’s” script?

I remember how to pause a thought -

To have another… and to continue from where I left off.

 

You ever miss being you…

 

…you ever miss being…

 

It’s the little things - mostly

…the details…

the senseless details,

that trip ME up.

 

All the things you do - did…

some just take extraordinary effort

(read that as pain full and sloooow).

It’s “easy” - not really - getting down …BUT

getting back up - now THAT’S where the work is!

Yeah…

 

For me, it hasn’t been a getting older thing -

it’s just more of “anothers’ ”  purpose.

 

This is NOT negativity -

They gave me a wheelchair,

I use a walking stick - just a lil more slowly.

“Never Ever Give Up!”*

 

Chris

 

* - “Never Ever Give Up”, not my words but they were a life’s lesson I’ve never forgotten from a person I’d never met.

An addendum:  "Anothers' purpose" - a clue for reference sake.  Be it Medicine:  Medicine is an Art - not a Science.. Many of today's medical classes and whole courses are "Pass/Fail", so there are no grades to judge candidate fitness.  Some  Doctors and nurses really, really work at it, but so many don't that patient faith and trust dissolve more and more.  And "Having Bad Days matter - to BOTH sides.  Falling through the "cracks" in multiple professional treatment (including life and death) settings - over and over again - doesn't inspire... and even the accounting side of the houses - so holier than thou - so often haven't a clue of what processes work, or timeliness requirements or why ANYTHING matters to someone else.  OR:  Be it Familial, Social, or even Professional ...clueless directives.

Author's Note

Feel free.

Reviews

[Jansy]

Life as we live it, as only we CAN live it… is important. I feel this deep in my soul man. "This is Not negativity"" I feel it's being realistic. And this is the realest poem I've read today. Life is just one disappointment after another, and I guess, it's because I live in it. It's better to not expect much from life, from people, than just what it is...me, okay. I think I am. I guess, I have my youth and my whole life to look forward to, even if it's at the edge of the cliff. But, I do hope, you're okay and that your health improves. It's always good to try to attempt to look at the positive things, in one's situation, even if the heart is failing... even if we're too broken.. atleast we're still breathing. I guess, that's the most I can look forward to. Gee, this got dark. I apologize. Your poem really made me think. And it resonated with me.
James☆

[Chris]

James, YOU are important - to me, those around you, and to the world as a whole as we know it. As you said, times are hard... but it is WE that make them livable becaUSE WE don't GIVE UP. we STAND UP FOR OUR BELIEFS and help others as and when we can.

I am still here DESPITE the ignorance, ineptitude, meanness, lazyness, uncaring, attitude, and self-aggrandizing healthcare(???) system currently masquerading through our lives. My health wasn't that bad until I did what they told me to do... now I've pretty much come through to the other side but hell I got here because I would NOT give up.

Do me a favor and drop me a message here - just tween the two of us...

Laters,
Chris

[Betty Hermelee]

Dear Chris
I empathize with you Chris…. My hubby at 90 just went through a horrible 7 days in hospital for a gastro infection … 3 different ones… now housebound both of our lives have changed…… need I say more? I am a caregiver; thankfully we have have some help… but it’s a constant struggle…. We have to decide when enough is enough …
One does as much as one can and tries to get some joy out of almost nothing… hang in there Chris… it seems you still have something to give to your life and to others!
A very honest and tender piece
Warmly
B🙏🌷🌷🌷🌷

[Chris]

Mrs. Hermelee, Betty,

I appreciate your thoughts and words.Its bad when our health care professionals cause and then reinforce our sliding heath issues. And the professional Patient Advocates forget whom they are advocating and why. None of us little people are going to live forever except perhaps afterwards according to our religious beliefs BUT so few DESERVE the health care we endure as a norm and the people that deliver it are now just corporate pawns and shills unaccountabe for what they dispense. Blessed Be hon, to your man and HIS Lady.

"NEGU",

Chris

[Betty Hermelee]

You are very welcome!
Warmly, B

[Stephany]

So many questions. They saw the answers lie within us. As you eloquently stated. But some answers need a bit outside direction. If only to keep us moving in the right direction. Life is rarely fair, at least not the way we want. Your writing is as thought provoking as always. I hope your ability to capture your thoughts improve. Wishing you the best.
Steph

[Chris]

I have the thoughts and the focus - it's the desire to post them that isn't always within me. Hi Steph - it's been awhile.

[Thomas W Case]

Superb work. It's a question we all need to ask.

[Chris]

Good morning... I feel it's a question that perhaps we ALL need to answer as it pertains to what we - ourselves - experience.

[Titilayo Sarah Eguridu]

Great choice of words!
I felt every slight frustration,
I felt the doggedness,
I felt the courage and the gentle resolve to make the most of the experience.
One day at a time, we must keep hope alive.
Yes Chris, this piece is beyond okay!
It’s a masterpiece I will return to often.

[Chris Shaw]

A powerful piece of writing. It speaks to me of resilience when facing painful life struggles. How challenging it must be to accept change. Not being able to do what one has always done before. So many take the day to day for granted. Reading books the example you have given that you are now not able to do. I paused there, to think about that one and the impact it would have on my life. We never know what’s round the corner. How life can suddenly change, how we can be sadly failed by the systems in place and the frustrations that come from that. Never ever give up, speaks to me of great inner strength and positivity. I am so pleased I stopped by to read you today Chris and to learn more about you.

Chris

[Chris]

Chris, it is my pleasure to have found you here. Come by anytime.

The other Chris

[RomaJ]

Hey, I just finished reading your poem, and I am so moved by it. It's incredibly powerful. The honesty and rawness in your words really pulled me in. It’s so clear that the struggle isn’t just with physical pain, but with the frustration of a system that’s failed you. That part about “another’s purpose” really hit me.
​I love how you contrast who you were- reading all those books with ease - with the challenges you face now. It makes the sense of grief and loss feel so tangible. The whole structure of the poem just draws me in.
​
And that line, “Never Ever Give Up,” is perfect. It’s a perfect way to show your resilience and your refusal to be broken. it’s a beautiful, heartbreaking, and inspiring look at your journey.

[Chris]

Roma, they "broke" me twice but I didn't stay down. I did write about it... I just feel so bad for the ones that couldn't stand back up. I heard and saw them 'broken" and being kept behind closed Ward doors during my own stays. Life as we live it...

[emmajoygreen]

In other words, you, we, humans - are allowed to feel from outside in and out endlessly - in other words, Life-long. The one thing a walking, talking being has is to feel one's emotions and wrap them with logic. Have a feeling that you've spent your lifetime doing things unto others because that is the core of ethical you. A proud and ever pensive man who knows the right but has endured the wrong.. and/but come out with a medal as well as a hint of a halo. Your writing has and always will impress me with its recognition of a what is in both the every day and humble recognition of what matters.

'For me, it hasn’t been a getting older thing -
it’s just more of “anothers’ ” purpose.

This is NOT negativity -

They gave me a wheelchair,
I use a walking stick - just a lil more slowly.

“Never Ever Give Up!”

Bravo, kudos and - much more, sir Chris.

[Chris]

Smiles Emma... you have such a way...

[FlatDaddy]

I went with my wife today on an appointment with a new doctor. H might as well have been speaking to a patient in another room or time, so far off base in his ideas of what my wife needed or had or did; at last the point was made: a new treatment plan built on money, not medicine, on treat mint, not treat ment. His walls, all of them, were bare of art of any kind, which made me nod, "uhuh, we're not returning here, are we darlin'?" a soft smile agreed.

[Chris]

You need to keep going with and supporting her as she winds through the medical halls of opinion that shift and change at their whim and not normally the patient's. Sometimes you NEED a witness just to verify what had been said when the text of it gets totally changed around during each subsequent visit.

[FlatDaddy]

thanks for the input, Chris. Always welcome.