"Seventeen Syllables..."

Senyru ...for the unwary

 

"Seventeen Syllables..."

"Gold sheltered beaches
That beckon so lovingly...
Hide our pain too well."

Strange how seventeen
Glimpses of a Stranger's soul
Touch so deep within.

Therein the magyk,
Senyru's powerful gestalt -
Rorschach to the soul.

Intense, symbolic,
Syllabic grace.  Emotions

impact ev'ry space.

 

"Gold..." Invokes thoughts of
Tremendous strength... Heat... Passion...
Cold... Distance... Sadness...

 

"...sheltered..." fragments of...
Homes irretrieveably passed
To dream's realm... 'til now.

 

"...beaches..." Crowds... children...
Summers... falls...  alone... empty...
Silence...  wishes... ghosts.

 

"That..." So definite
A moment... unlimited
By time's simple grasp.

 

"...beckon..." Siren's call...
Parent's moods... Lover's need... Time...
Death's curled finger calls.

 

"...so..."  Threads intertwined
Unknown but present within
Luring the wary.

 

"...lovingly..." Softness
Recall of wishes fullfilled.
Heartbreak's bitter pill.

 

"Hide..." Unseeing eyes...
Pity's stare 'pon open wound...
Fear... anger... regret.

 

"...our..."  Plural... then yours...
Mine forgotten to lone needs
That drew two apart.

 

"...pain..." Sharp joy's remains.
Reason's echoes... slight's refrain.
Once shared, single's gain.

 

"...too..." Strongly... gently...
Allusion's illusions tied,
It's framework inside.

 

"...well..." Goodness... comfort...
Life's caring depth... hopes' caress.
Faithless tear's return.

 

- Hence -

 

"Gold sheltered beaches
That beckon so lovingly...
Hide our pain too well."

 

- Becomes -

 

"Sad fragments of time
Define the moments of life
We keep deep inside."

 

Chris

Author's Note

feel free

Reviews

[sharonlee]

Soft silent moments wrapped in words... cleverly and beautifully penned.

[Teri B]

I like the way you have used this senryu poem to build meaning not just between individual stanzas but across stanzas and in the poem as a whole. I also like that each stanza is its own unit of meaning, and yet by virtue of that connectivity you've established, is part of a meaningful larger whole! I like the way you set up the stanzas...the form, I mean. it is as though they each speak internally, as well as externally to the stanzas next to them, and to the poem at large.

Between the technical finesse of the poem, and the meaning, I am a very happy reader! :)

[Jeremy Baker]

There's a lot to ponder here, but the lyrical beauty and sometimes melnacholy of this write shine brightly. Another classic!

[Southern Cross]

You spun gold into silver with that ..sometimes my brain seemingly needs a rest when i delve into your " magyk"

[Penlady]

...I'm here and still thinking....diving into the depths of your words demands the ability to lift oneself out..a helping hand...

[Susanna F]

Fascinating exploration of a poem and of poetry itself. Wonderful.

[Ed Hart]

syllable grenades

[patricia]

ah...the siren's call is identified. very useful. great poem. thankyou.

[Wendy Seames Garner]

It took me a while, but I think I finally figured this on out, Chris.

"Gold sheltered beaches
That beckon so lovingly...
Hide our pain too well."

Sounds like paradise to some, a place to forget, but it is really just a:

"Sad fragments of time
Define the moments of life
We keep deep inside."