Fish Song

I just sat down and this sort of came out. It's definitely not some of my more developed work, but it'd be a fun little Ukulele ditty. Let me know what you think! :)

Somebody drop me a line
because I'm stuck at the bottom of the ocean
All of the fish swimming by
Fin in fin, showing off their devotion

Oh why, oh why can't I escape
From this world of sand and waves
Take my heart out of this watery grave
And rise to the sun

Someone fish me out of this sea
Where they're sayin' I'm everyone but me
And the light above
Means so much more, more like love

Oh why, oh why can't I get away
From this world full of sand and waves
Somebody fish out my soul, hook my up by the heart
And raise me to the sun

Reviews

[jessicamarie19]

I like this poem. Especially the line "fin in fin, showing off their devotion"

I would challenge you to find consistency for your rhyme scheme. Sometimes, veering from a scheme can be used to emphasize certain lines, which may have been your goal. I just feel that the second stanza falls awkwardly, as the reader is expecting the last word to rhyme with waves, since the first stanza sets up an ABAB pattern. Perhaps you could reverse the two thoughts in that stanza and end it with something like "take my heart to the surface for sun/reel my heart from this watery grave" ... (following your fishing motif lol). Similar things could then be done with stanza 3 – “someone fish me out of this sea/bring me to the light above/here they say I’m everyone but me/but light means more, more like love” … etc. Just some ideas to consider.
Thanks for sharing your writing.

[Little Abbey]

I love this poem! I think the way it's written is very nice, and you are able to imagine yourself as the person stuck at the bottom, longing to see the sun again. Good write!

[fireblossom]

I'm partial to all things fish. Fins and secrets...another world. This is at once cute and melancholy. I like.

[Deck_As_Heck]

very nice

[Ivy]

I like it, the flows really nice, and I like how you phrased everything.