Take a Deep Breath, The Water Tastes nice

By the look on your face I can tell

that you don't remember what you're leaving behind,

 my throat is too dry

to remind you that its me

its me you're forgetting

its me you're leaving.

 

My dear, I think I have some words to say

you're right here, but I'm alone

you're right here, but your gaze is somewhere

beyond my sight.

 

It's that feeling of drowning on dry land

of feeling your eyes on me

intently watching

already forming your defense

already having it make sense.

 

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Lee E. Powell]

WOW, this one really rocks!

I'm not a poet by any means and don't know anything about writing poetry and would probably get a tumor if i had to actually write one, so I don't know if "this one really rocks" is an appropriate critique for poetry but it really does rock LOL.

I especially thought that this section kicked a*s...

"It's that feeling of drowning on dry land
of feeling your eyes on me
intently watching
already forming your defense
already having it make sense."

Ed

[Ben Walton]

Thank you so much for the review. :) You're too nice, and I adore stephen chbosky (write another book already!).

Not to restate what the other reviewer said, but the title makes it. Really takes it and puts it all together.

By the look on your face I can tell
that you don't remember what you're leaving behind,

I absolutely love that. Such a good line, and such a good opening.

My dear, I think I have some words to say
you're right here, but I'm alone

Also, that. just two emotions that can really be described no other way.
i dig it.

[Staci Brown]

first off great title!!! love the title!!! :D

this definitely goes hand in hand with your other poem Pulse... the way you write out these emotions i feel like i'm in the same room watching the action as it happens!

i'm really surprised no one's reading your work hon... you're a really good writer! :D

Faerie Blessings!

--faerie whisper (breaking the silence...)