Falling

I'm slipping close to the water,

and I think I'm gonna fall in.

I would be there already,

but I'm afraid of how it would end.

I think I'm going to hit the bottom,

but I'm refuse to stay at the top.

I drive in down into the water,

and my breathing suddenly stops.

I'm touching up to the surface,

but I can feel the coldness below.

I'm sinking down into the darkness,

and I'm slowly losing control.

 

 

Author's Note

What do you think?

Reviews

[Ron]

Yes, one could say this poem is not mature and yes, there are one or two errors but no one could deny the great potential in this writer. A young girl writing about uncertainty, possible suicidal feelings too. I say the confusions are fascinating as life struggles in the water. One can feel tension rising in the chest as the work progresses. This writer is bright, young and should stick with her writing. Well done!

[kris reed]

Also, I don't know if you still want editing thoughts, but here they are: "but I'm refuse to stay at the top." "I'm" should be "I" maybe, and "I drive in down into the water," is it supposed to be "I dive down into the water,"? Again, great job and thanks.

[kris reed]

I absolutely love this poem! I constantly feel stuck in the limbo this poem describes so well. The desire to avoid, but the need to torture... maybe? Great job, I feel better having my emotions expressed in another's writing; for some reason that gives me confidence. Thanks!

[clauds294]

Love this poem alot!

[An owl on the moon]

There is that sense of darkness overwhelming the heart and mind... You create a vivid image of the falling... the feeling of losing control. So well done.

[FeliciaS (Poetic Prince..]

I have known what it feels like to feel so helpess

[paul]

i like the line: slowly losing control.

[Monte Kristof]

Make me think about what symbolist poets might have felt in their darkest, yet most prolific moments...

[eccath]

Interesting, but not quite understandable.

[deeps]

Such an emotional write here.
This is deep and powerful really.
I Like this it is written very well.