She

The unstructured doodling of how I wished old flames could rekindle.

Is she the same as she
in Bath,
Wine sipping air
from the glass
and hair curled
Into the undertones
of her laugh.

Lips soft porcelain
wrapped brittle wisps
in smoke, to tangents
of dog-eared Nietzsche
clutched upon her thought
And mine in turn.
But I forget my philosophies

Now in retreat
Arms close to heart
nestled those quotes in armchairs
T.V miming behind new books
Bestsellers, top forty at least.
That same wine
a stain on her teeth

Is she the same as she?
I do believe
It is that she
The same indeed.

Author's Note

This is a very personal poem and possible my favourite to rediscover, I'd love to know how it comes across from an outside perspective.

Reviews

[bobc]

A...I like the images in here...'wine sipping air' and '...undertones/of her laugh.' among others. I think the poem might be helped a little with small structural changes to provide visual cues on how you want us to read it.

And, I'm not sure of the 'Is she the same as she?' construction. I know that seems important to the poem...just not sure it's working the way you want...at least to my ear.

Thanx...bobc

[Francis-Gray]

Thanks again for your review, I played around a lot with the structure of this poem, I wanted to create a certain ebb and flow in the reading, however i fear this is something I have not yet got the hang off yet. In regards to the 'is she the same as she?' I'm not entirely happy with it on paper, but in my spoken reading I find it comes across much better, it is difficult to translate that over a written medium.

Thanks again for the feedback!

[Briony Bryant]

This poem is lovely. You did an excellent job with making it flow. I love the imagery in the first verse and every word just seems to fit perfectly and sound beautiful together! Good job!

[Francis-Gray]

Thank you so much! I'm glad the flow is coming across, It's interested to find out how it sounds to other ears!

[Wolfwind]

That's a wonderful flow of musefilled emotions! I think it was well constructed and each stanzas line carrying the needed energy to keep the pace and bring through the imagery and ideas with a high success.

Great Ink! Much Enjoyed!
Aaron - Wolfwind

[Francis-Gray]

Thank you so much for the kind words! I'm glad it came across as I intended.