A frist day to host in years

I stepped through the door of an old, unassuming brick building nestled between two towering complexes. From the outside, it looked like it could barely fit a corner store.. maybe a tiny office with flickering lights and creaky floorboards. But as soon as I crossed the threshold, reality folded in on itself.

The space inside stretched wide and tall, like a dream or illusion. The ceiling was impossibly high, vanishing into darkness. Doors lined the hallway in the hundreds, maybe thousands, with cryptic symbols glowing softly above each one. Echoes of distant footsteps and murmurs danced around me like whispers on a breeze.

I wandered, half in awe and half in confusion, until.."

“Name?” a voice barked sharply.

I spun toward it. The speaker was a figure hidden mostly in shadow, their voice rough and rolling, tinged with a thick Russian-like accent that rumbled like gravel in a coffee grinder.

“Hmm… real or preferred?” I asked cautiously, standing straighter.

“Both,” the voice replied without hesitation.

“Real name is Eden,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper. “Preferred name’s Fifer.”

A moment of complete silence. Then-

“Room 2,763. Straight ahead, take two lefts, then two rights.”

The directions were precise. No room for error. I nodded and followed the path, heart beating a little faster with each step.

Eventually, I reached a door labeled 2,763 in glowing cyan numerals. I took a breath and stepped inside.

“Hi! My name is Xen!” chirped a low, slightly gravelly yet undeniably female voice. Her tone was bubbly, youthful, and full of energy.

I blinked. The person in front of me looked… familiar.

“You look familiar,” I said aloud, squinting.

“Oh! Fifer! We met in 2008!” Xen giggled, her smile contagious.

“Yeah, I remember now. You were terrible at math back then,” I snickered.

“Not my fault I didn’t know what X equaled!” she shot back, pouting.

Before we could laugh more, another voice interrupted.

“Hello,” said a calm, almost bored tone from the shadows.

There was a four-second pause, filled only by the faint hum of fluorescent lights above us.

“Hi!” Xen greeted, her voice springing back into its usual brightness.

Another beat of silence.

“Who are you?” she asked.

“I’m Jack. Jack Neilly Jellify. Runner of room 2,763,” he replied flatly.

Yet another pause. The atmosphere was getting oddly surreal.

“Suits are over there,” Jack said, pointing toward two costumes hanging eerily still on the wall.

They looked old, aged by time, but strangely untouched like relics sealed in time. The styles screamed 2017, but they were pristine.

“Wow! These are old!” Xen giggled. Her laughter made me smile, she had this energy, this effortless cuteness, even if she was taller than me.

After seven minutes and four seconds, we were fully suited up.

Xen looked adorable in her outfit, it resembled the letter X, bright yellow with a thick black outline, soft and rounded, almost plush-like, with a little cat-mouth smile. It radiated a sweet, innocent charm.

I, on the other hand, was dressed as the number four. The suit was bold blue, outlined in black, with a confident but friendly expression. The eyes were wide and expressive, the crescent pupils giving it a cartoony life.

We walked together toward a stage. It was cluttered with props and decor straight out of Battle for BFB, plastic limbs, colored platforms, a speaker system straight from a parody universe.

I went first. I inhaled deeply, channeling the character.

“It’s time for flake at break!” I announced with overblown enthusiasm.

The room snickered. All except Xen, who looked... disappointed. Maybe even sad.

Then it was her turn. She stepped forward, breathed in, and-

“No more screechy, please!”

Her delivery was flawless. Not just the words, but the voice, the intonation, the feeling. Everyone in the room went quiet. Then, a moment later, cheers exploded like fireworks.

“S-stop… I-I don’t like loud noises…” she whispered, shrinking from the volume.

Immediately, silence returned. It was as if the room respected her fear.

Seven minutes passed. And then... everything changed.

Xen tugged at her costume.

“T-this thing is stuck on me…” she muttered, panic beginning to creep into her voice.

Then the horror began.

Her body contorted. Bones snapped and cracked like twigs underfoot. Blood spurted in sudden bursts. It spilled across the floor like a gruesome waterfall. Her form began to warp, twist, transform.

“A-Aaa…” she whimpered, her voice cracking. Then-

“AAAAAAAAAAAAA!” Her scream burst forth, more high-pitched now, but with a strange masculine undertone.

“M-my voice… It’s so… different…” she stammered, trembling.

“Uh, your height is dropping,” I pointed out, stunned.

“AAA! It is!” she squeaked, her body shrinking fast.

Soon, she was only 4 feet 7 inches tall.

“I’m so small…” she murmured, voice barely audible.

Then came the identity shift.

“Why do I feel like… a he and they now?” they asked, confused, clutching at their head.

The change was more than physical. It was mental. Psychological. Existential.

“My mind feels… foggy…” they said, eyes glazing over.

“I… E-EEEC…”

A long silence.

“ECCC… ECCKKSSSSS…?” they whispered.

Then a strange voice, synthetic but familiar, crackled through the air.

“Yes! You’re X!” it announced cheerfully.

“W-who are you…?” Xe asked shakily.

“Name’s Four!” the voice replied.

“F-FEEEHH… FOAAA… FOUUUAAA…”

“Four?” Xe finally asked.

“Yeah, that’s me!”

Then, suddenly, Xe collapsed, fainting. The voice vanished.

A deadly silence lingered. Until-

“Where’s Four?” asked a soft, tiny voice, innocent, real, and trembling.

“Who?” I asked the small yellow figure standing before me.

“You don’t know him?” it said.

“Yeah,” I replied.

“He’s my host friend,” it said softly, looking at me curiously.

“You look like him…”

“I do?” I asked, glancing down at my suit.

“Yeah…” it murmured.

I chuckled nervously. “Sorry to break it to you, but this is just a costume…”

Only, it wasn’t. It wouldn’t come off.

“C-can’t get this thing off…” I mumbled, tugging and pulling.

Then the changes began.

My body convulsed. I threw up things no human should. Bones shattered and reshaped. My skin peeled away, revealing something other underneath.

“Make it stop… I’m not supposed to be-” I whispered.

“EEEEYYYYAAAH!” I screeched involuntarily.

I slapped a hand over my mouth. My own voice… wasn’t mine.

I shot up to 5 feet 7 inches in an instant, now towering over the yellow figure.

“E-EYAAH… make it end…” I muttered in despair.

“Four… is that you?” the figure asked softly.

I turned toward the mirror. I stared. I didn’t recognize myself.

“I- I don’t know who I am anymore…” I confessed.

The figure stared at me for exactly seven seconds before whispering:

“Don’t you remember me…?”

Fog clouded my mind.

“E-EEEYYYAAAH…”

“Oh no! Don’t leave me, please…!” the figure cried.

“E-EEECC…”

“EEECCKKK…”

My memories unraveled. Eden was gone. Only Four remained.

Then blackness.

---

“Hello…?” I croaked, blinking from the floor.

“There you are!” the voice giggled.

That voice, I knew it. Innocent, sweet, a little masculine, high-pitched. My friend.

“I’d never leave someone, especially you,” I smiled, rising shakily.

He giggled again. Gods, it was adorable.

Then-

“What the heck is that?!” He screamed, hiding behind me.

A strange figure approached, confused and weird-looking.

“What is this abomination?! Stay away from my friend and cohost!” I shouted.

Another being appeared.

“What the hell?! Four and X?! What are you guys doing here?” she asked.

“Hi Slay3r!” X cheered.

“I was about to ask that,” I muttered.

“Studying the humans, per usual,” she replied casually.

“And you both?”

“I don’t know!” X answered.

“Well, you’re on Earth. Humans roam here,” she explained.

The weird thing turned. “What are you?!”

“Half creeper, half profile picture. Everyone knows that. Jack,” she replied coolly.

“How do you know my name?!” Jack yelled.

“I know everything. Been disguised as one of you for a while.”

“You’ve been one of these creatures?!” I exclaimed.

“For research!” she clarified.

“And what have you learned?” X asked curiously.

“A lot. They can be boys, girls, both, or none. And they can like whoever or neither.”

“What does ‘neither’ mean?” X asked.

“It means they’re not into romance or the other… stuff,” she said carefully.

“Good job avoiding that ‘S’ word,” I added.

“Thanks. Not a fan of it myself,” she said.

“Sticks?” X asked innocently.

“No,” she replied flatly.

“What then?”

“You don’t wanna know.”

After two hours, seven minutes, and sixty-three seconds of explanation..

“I’m bored…” I sighed.

“Same…” X echoed.

“Let’s get the hell outta here,” Slay3r declared.

We teleported back to her hangout.

“Aaaaaand we are BACK!” I shouted, singing the last word.

“We need more of that and less of Hey Two,” Slay3r groaned.

“True,” I agreed.

“What’s Hey Two?” X asked.

“A bad song,” Slay3r said.

“For a bad host,” I added.

“True.”

The hangout was, well chaos. One contestant was on fire. No, not Firey, he’s always on fire. Two were drowning. One got J angry and got zapped.

“Yep. Another average day,” Slay3r muttered.

She looked at us.

“Wanna host another show, ya agender duo?”

“Absolute hell yeah,” I grinned.

And just like that, I was a host again.

Of what?

You’ll never know.

Heh.