Adam's End

A short story i wrote for valentines day, i know Super late, but arent you glad i posted it anyway? Arent you happy and feeling special because i did? Good, now read >:3

“ADAM!” I screamed as I watched him fall onto the ground in a heap, blood seeping from his exposed chest.

  I tried to run forward but was caught by a firm hand on my shoulder. I turned coming face to face with Jackson, Adams best friend. I looked into his eyes all my hate, and anguish flowing through them, but all he did was remain stolid, looking at me evenly. A single tear fell from his eye as he shook his head. I knew what that meant, he was gone, there was nothing I could do, me a healer, unable to save the one person in the world I truly cared about. I pounded my fists onto the floor, why? Why did this have to happen to me and on today of all days. 

Jackson knelt down beside me trying to comfort me, but I pushed him away, there was nothing more that I wanted then to die right here, right now, but that’s not what Adam would have wanted. He’d have said something like “Stay strong Cassie” or “Don’t let this keep ya down” all with a smile. But it was hard, really hard when this event was his death. For the second time I’d witnessed death, first my family…and now after I‘d finally decided to try again, to try and open up to others, to try and love…he was taken from me. 

Adam. My Adam. My one true love. My heart will belong to you, but no other. I will never love again as it only brings despair to those I love and my heart. Adam, my dear Adam, I Cassie promise to remember you always and forever for the wonderful person you are. All the kisses, and hugs and laughs all the good…and the bad, the arguments, the fights the pain…all of it I shall remember. 

I stopped thinking, overcome by tears and cried out with heart wrenching despair as I clutched the rose and repeated the  note he had given me with it in my mind:

                                                       “Cassie, to the one I’ll be with forever”

Some forever I thought, Some valentines day.

Author's Note

review please, tell me what you think, hope its good

Reviews

[Summer D.]

What a morbid-belated Valentine piece.
I thought this was okay. It was a little bit rough in terms of grammar and maybe a little bit too short for it to actually be emotionally-jerking.

Some edits/examples:

I tried to run forward but I was caught by a firm hand on my shoulder. (Instead of "was caught").

I turned slowly to my left, shoulders quaking, as I came eye to eye with Jackson– Adam's best friend. (Adding random notes). Adam's grey eyes were soaked with the deepest and darkest picture of pain as he shook his head side to side slowly.
His barrier broke for just a moment as he let out a small, strangled, breath accompanied by a tear. (More detail, more flowing description). I knew what this meant.

(This used to be one heck of a run on sentence). He was gone. There was nothing I could do. I, myself, a healer unable to save the one person in the world I truly cared about. (Run on sentence fixed) I cursed striking my fists onto the pavement; ignoring the numb feeling that spread from fingertip to elbow. (Just some more descriptive language; it doesn't matter how you put it)

Why? I seethed. Why did this have to happen to me? To think that it happened on this day? A warm hand touched my shoulder and I brushed it away, annoyed. He was no Adam.

And so forth....
It wasn't horrible but it wasn't my favorite either.

*70*

[The dark story]

i think Summer has pretty much pointed everyting you need for this writing.well...i do think.that you just got reminded that there's something like valentines day and you haven't written anything on it.so this is the time.and that rashness is viisble.though i like the concept of the story and the way you ended it.that was really touching......it's a nice story.but always remember..don't be so reckless:P :P

[gloomysundays]

This is a lovely piece. Very sad but interesting. I wish you would have gone into more detail regarding Adam's demise. Such a broad title but very little detail was given. I suppose that could just be your style, though.
You have a couple of grammar mistakes but things that could easily be fixed and barely noticeable to the untrained eye. Keep writing and never stop! You'll improve with time and practice.
A final word of advice, EDIT. Always revise and edit your work before posting it. Never publish anything hot off the press. It's bound to be riddled with mistakes.

83/100
Cheers.

[Tsukin Archangel]

lol thanks yeah i tend not to edit b4 ^^; especially with longer things ut i'll take that into account for these (not that i wont edit it eventually but yeah)

[ShadowFaux]

Let me warn you now to get into the habit of editing before posting. It is terribly hard to break the habit and creates more work to edit in the long term, trust me I know.

[Tsukin Archangel]

maybe, but if I'm editing before I'm posting I'm bound to miss more things than if I where to do it later.

[gloomysundays]

Either way, I was just stating my opinion. You could take it or leave it.

[Tsukin Archangel]

oh that one was to Sky more than u the 2nd me lol and i think you for your opinion :3

[gloomysundays]

No problem.

[Tsukin Archangel]

whoops i meant thank faaaail lol

[Brittany]

Brutal. Heart-wrenching. Great writing.

[JadeForever]

TOO GOOD for words...so heart- felt