The Old Cuckoo

The old cuckoo slept

Awake in the infinity of dreams

Softly it kept

Resting under the oaken beams.

Tossing its voice

With a strength of unknowing

‘I don’t think I have a choice,

Until life stops growing.’

The old cuckoo mused

In a fitful state

Of a time once used

Passed on by fate.

A memory laden here

With an autumn leaf dropping

A moment of love there

Those sacred times forgotten.

With a splash of a shake

And a lagging of eyes

The old cuckoo wakes

Wondering how it cries.

With a final flick

And a wipe of the brow

The old cuckoo clicks

In its mind full of clouds.

Knowing its right

It turns on the floor

Closing its sight

The old cuckoo finds dreams once more.

 

 

 

Reviews

[nevermindfan1991]

The old cuckoo slept
Awake in the infinity of dreams
Softly it kept
Resting under the oaken beams.
(Excellent, perfect rhythm and amazing rhyme scheme. It does not seem forced. I love this introduction I have no where this poem is going. I especially love the line “Awake in the infinity of dreams.” You can use oak instead of oaken in my opinion.)


Tossing its voice
With a strength of unknowing
‘I don’t think I have a choice,
Until life stops growing.’
(I’m no literary critic so I don’t know what the cuckoo means by this but it is very cryptic and enticing. I really want to understand what this means. Great use of the word tossing. Your word choice is impeccable.

The old cuckoo mused
In a fitful state
Of a time once used
Passed on by fate.
(This “stanza” relates to me. I feel that I’m wasting my summer and agonize over the time I previously wasted. Excellent!)

A memory laden here
With an autumn leaf dropping
A moment of love there
Those sacred times forgotten.
(I love the comparison here. Memory laden here, great great great!!!!!)

With a splash of a shake
And a lagging of eyes
The old cuckoo wakes
Wondering how it cries.
(Splash of a shake? I think you need a different word. The lagging eyes perfect way to describe something awakening from it slumber. Why does the cuckoo wonders why it cries? Such a great question


With a final flick
And a wipe of the brow
The old cuckoo clicks
In its mind full of clouds.
(What do you mean by click. The Cuckoo’s mind clicks?)

Knowing its right
It turns on the floor
Closing its sight
The old cuckoo finds dreams once more.
(The stanza doesn’t make sense. What do you mean turn on the floor? This stanza that needs some fixing.)

Overall, Excellent job. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this poem.
 

[Freedom's Child]

Great piece, good flow, and the emotion is great as well.

[Btwixer]

wonderful read and flow

[$êlvån]

such an gr8 piece.....keep it up .:)

[Dream Hunter]

this. is. beautiful. the rhyming flows so well, it is absolutely beautiful. great, great, GREAT work!

Like the rhyme scheme and flow, and well course the wording as well.
The imagery is wonderful as well.

[AK]

Brilliant poem! I loved the way it flows! Your choice of words and their syntax os intriguing! Keep writing!

[Dearantlers]

Wow! I loved this! It made me want to continue reading, and it was just, wow! I loved the way you wrote it with the rhyme scheme and the cuckoo. It was amazing!

[patricia]

I enjoyed this. The imagery of oaken beams. The idea of the strength of unknowing. It all flowed realy well. Nice write. Enjoyed.