Heroine

Heroine

White Lady

Black Tar

Scag

Chasing

the beautiful

Dragon

would it be

all so bad

would it be

all that hard

to forget her

for a little bit

and leave

the memories

and live

for a few hours

and transform

to someone

who is fine

with all that

is going

so

wrong?

Reviews

[CRBain]

The other reviewer liked the arrangement of the lines, but I find it confusing and a bit off putting. I couldn't sense any rhythm after 3 re-reads. That being said, the content itself isn't of bad. I would tell you to rework the presentation, but perhaps it's a stylistic choice that some can appreciate and im missing out on?

[ArielForever98]

Thank you for your comment, yes, it's not supposed to rhyme, and I probably should have noted that when i posted it!

[L. Michelle Corp]

Good job. The way the words are presented reminds me of someone taking gasps of air just to expel each few words. I especially like this line:
"and live
for a few hours
and transform
to someone
who is fine"