Chapter 1: Taking Flight

I was born in the darkness. At the age of six a pickaxe was placed in my hands.

 

“Mine silver,” said the dwarven masters. “That’s your job. The sun will never shine on you.”

 

I was strong, and that allowed me to pass through work easily. Until I learned to think for myself.

 

My mother was not so fortunate. After I had been born and she finished nursing me, she didn’t last long in the mine. She had died before I turned six.

 

One loses memory down here. I have almost forgotten my mother. Instead, I wonder who my father is.

 

I’ve learned who my people are. They’re not dwarves but men. Prisoners of the never-ending war. Does that mean my father is still out there fighting? Or did he die in battle? I need to know.

 

I have lived in the mines for ten years. So, I’ve decided it’s time to escape.

 

I do have friends. Friends who don’t want to try. I must go alone.

        

Today there was a cave-in in one area. Now while everyone is asleep, I’m climbing.

 

The gap isn’t straight and it’s a high climb in the dark. Life in mine has made my other senses acute. I grip the rocks with ease.

 

All night I climb toward the surface. When the light begins to shine my excitement takes the best of me and I lose my footing.

 

Suddenly, I feel like I have wings on my back. They beat the air, and I grab back onto the wall. Eager to see the truth for myself, I keep on climbing.

        

Soon the light is right above me. I lift myself onto the ground and for the first time the sun shines on me. I shield my eyes with red wings. They’re real! My freedom is guaranteed!

        

With widespread wings I soar into the blue space. High above the ground, where no dwarven master can reach me. I shut my eyes, still too tender for the light.

 

Then I think these wings can help me find out who my father is. I fly higher and higher.

        

A beautiful scent surrounds me that I have never smelled before. I squint through the sun and see land in the air, shining before me. Not of rock and stone, but fresh, green earth. I touch down there and look at the tall things with blankets around me.

Reviews

[Kianna]

Dear Amanda Patschke,

Hello, how are you? I like your book. However, my personal opinion is that the first section where you talk about the gods was unnecessary because I just love this opening line, "I was born in the darkness." Also, I would advice it best to space this out as it seems there is a time span of things. I feel you could add some description without losing the time span effect on the story.

There is not much here to be honest, so I can't give an elaborate review, only giving one on what I can read and so far, the sentence structure seems to be just fine, so no critiques there.

Nicely done.

Sincerely JazzSoulKeke,

God bless

[Silent Wolf]

This moves really quickly, but it is still interesting.