Meltdown Horrors

I wanted to post some of the entries of mine. This one is a description of how my meltdowns are like. I hope it helps people understand one of the many things of dealing with autism.

Whenever I have a meltdown, it's almost like I go into this heavy trance. I feel as if my whole body and mind shut down. I can never get out of these meltdowns even if I became aware that it was a meltdown.

I just feel as if...I lose control and everything shuts down. I don't know what to do but meltdown more and more because those numb overwhelming feelings frighten me so much that I panic even more. Once the meltdown are over, I become tired and really exhausted...like my body is drained from the panic mode I went through.

It makes me feel so light-headed and dizzy that sometimes I want to pass out. I feel more like I'm putting myself in danger of making myself sick or hurt than I am anyone around me. 

I hate putting myself at risk like that and yet I feel like when something goes unpredicted that I don't expect or there's a lot going around me that I can't handle...I just panic.

I don't really know what else to do. It's so much worse when I can't gain enough control of those meltdowns in order to keep them from putting my body in any danger. There is so much worse overwhelming feelings after the meltdowns that are likely to just cause more triggers than what I need.

Author's Note

Don't mind the typos. My iPad doesn't correct things very well and other times it doesn't correct at all. >_<

Reviews

[Wolfwind]

I imagine it might feel as if you are a marionette and that when the strings get pulled, you just have to ride out the motions and hope the strings calm down. While I can't imagine what it's like. I applaud you for sharing. For every autistic voice that speaks from experience, it's another stepping stone for making others aware of the daily battles that those with autism wage. It's good that you have a supportive group of individuals around you. That is always a blessing.

May the Arizona sun always shine brightly upon your journey.

Aaron