What is happening to mother India?

When the whole world prays for gaza, am afraid they are unable to look at themselves. Before we point our fingers on our neighbouring nation, let’s have a look on our country.

                         

                                                     What is happening to mother India?

                                                     It is becoming a ferocious encyclopedia.

A girl got raped,

And the man escaped.

The whole seen obtained videotaped,

with the case being reshaped.

                                                      The poor become the poorer

                                                      And the rich become the richer.

                                                     Ones who sacrificed their lives for amity,

                                                      are now taking lives for enmity.

People sitting in front of TV, cheering favorite team,

soldiers battling hard, to attain everyone’s dream.

One man one religion,

has divided every region.

                                                    What is happening to mother India,

                                                   It has become a ferocious encyclopedia.

 Pray for Gaza, Pray for India

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

How effective is the poem in making people realize the truth?

Reviews

[Christopher Robin]

Whilst the metaphor (well it's hardly a metaphor these are facts really) is simple and effective, the deliverance is again hindered by a 'lost in translation' issue. I've mentioned this in my other review and the same advice applies here. There's greatness sitting right in front of you, but this needs to be edited by someone with a very firm grasp on both your ideas and the English language to truly let the beauty of this poem out. I hope you find them because I can't wait to see what your words will become, and what you will deliver next.

-Robin

[Jamie R. Robillard Sr.]

I agree with you Robin, though do you not mean Delivery vs Deliverance?

[Christopher Robin]

In almost all other cases yes Delivery would be the better word, though deliverance can still mean 'declaration or announcement'. I chose deliverance because of it's other meaning in relation to this poem. When i say 'let the beauty of this poem out' i truly mean to set it free, for it to be 'delivered' from the language barrier holding it back. It was deliberate because I rarely get to use it for both meanings :)

[Christopher Robin]

autocorrected that its to an it's, apologies.

[Jamie R. Robillard Sr.]

Okay, I guess it was the way you used it the sentence ...the deliverance is again hindered... that caused me to view it as a statement of condition vs a statement of transformation. Thank you for clarifying that.

[Jamie R. Robillard Sr.]

and autocorrect is the all of our bane! :D

[Christopher Robin]

No i totally understand your confusion, what I intended and how it reads would confuse me as well if i had not written it myself!

[Jamie R. Robillard Sr.]

'and autocorrect is the all of our bane!' clearly, I need more coffee!

[Avanthika]

once again thank you robin, as promised will read the works of writers you told me

[Penny]

Very nice message but I find the poem half as expressive and appropriate way to deliver it. But yes, it is hard hitting and thought provoking, even for an optimist like me, so yes you have done a good job. Keep writing

[Sanjh]

It's wonderful and thought provoking...nice work...:)

[Prabha Salimath]

For some reason this is the truth of our nation, showing finger towards neighbour nation better we need to correct ourself. I agree with your thought Avantika but I can't judge how much effective it is. For me setting and spelling error ( I mean short form ) is not stopping me.

[K.N. Thorn]

This is an effective poem, displaying your emotions and views well. I feel just as strongly as you the whole world is divided when we are exactly the same. Thank you for sharing it with me, to know you have the same thoughts and views so far away. I am sorry we live this way as human beings.

[Megha]

A really good and effective poem which appeals to everyone! Good Job!

[Avanthika]

thank you so much Megha :)

[M.A.Rathore]

This is undoubtedly the poem of opening heart ,full of feelings and the vibrent issue that is the safety of countrymen's not only on Gaza where it has been a deep-rooted disease of highly fanatic kind of persons so also India been in the state of upheaval..nice writing..I just love it...

[Avanthika]

:) ..........thank you

[Dipanjan Dutta]

You are a potential writer my friend...and your thoughts, the contexts are overwhelming...

If I may, I would point out that there is a need of editing. Somewhere, the feeling is not completely understood. And what I believe is you are thinking in one language (probably your mother tongue) and then literally translating it to english...in that case, consider thinking in English and words would fit in innocently and effectively...editing is must either by self or by somebody proficient in the language and have the ability to walk your concepts...

I look forward for a masterpiece from you and I am sure I don't have to wait long

Cheers!!!

[Avanthika]

Defiintely friend, any suggestions for improving the language which will help me out to think english.

[Dipanjan Dutta]

Read, read and read...the simplest way to improve

Talk to yourself...alone....and in English

Every language as a lyricism of its own which unless heard is difficult to understand...so talk alone and you will understand where exactly the rhythm is lost in a sentence...in case you have time for your own read aloud..listen to the language...

Cheers!!!

[Avanthika]

thanks a lot frnd , i will improve , hence am gonna start right now :)

[Rounak Jain]

Truly touching. Punch was
One man one religion,

has divided every region....
That has indeed done a lot of harm.
Too good.

[Avanthika]

happy to hear you liked it :)

[Happy hours]

really true...nation needs a change and we bring that change...nice piece of poem :)

[Avanthika]

once again thanks buddy

[Happy hours]

you're most welcome dear