Cast away

A proud mother, forced to runaway from her beloved husband Jim.

As I look upon his face,

I cant help but see his drisgrace.

Whats gotten into him lately?

Is it because I have his baby.

He has gone wack, totaly crazy

I feel so lonely, yet maybe ...

What should I do, how can it change?

I have no clue to what to exchange.

This is it, the time is near,

as I hear the hurtful words of swears.

I runaway far from him,

 holding the future of what becomes of Jim.

Reviews

[A-Lovely-Anxiety]

I wish there was some more imagery, but it's an all-around great piece! Now the only thing that upsets me is your rhyme scheme is A A B B and so on. From the line 'WHat's gotten into him lately?' to the line 'I feel so lonely, yet maybe...' the scheme goes A A A A. Now, it's not a big mistake, but I would like to see an edit of this. Use different words to discribe!! It'll be much more beautiful with a new vocabulary!! Thanks for writing this, dear.

[Dream Weaver]

Urban plight all over this one.
Bad not bad at all. Just a tad
more detail but overall pretty
good.

[Cassiopia Summers]

This is truly a touching poem. (: Great write.

[Miss Coral]

Great, tight piece, but I think that the emotional side of this situation could be utilized much more. Also, I would pay attention to spelling a bit more- there are a couple of typos. Overall, a good piece, but with potential to be more.

[Observer]

I like the flow it helped draw me in. It really makes you think what was going on, why is this happening to her.

[Ruth]

A clever poem love
Really profound actually!
Sad too
xx

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

how curious to take a subject that would distress most and reshape it into an almost nursery rhyme for adults~ there is also a flavorful hip hop rhytmic aspecto your write that draws in the reader to explore the more subtle aspects ~well done